Hello

Hi, I'm new here and this is my first time reaching out on any kind of social forum.

I was recently diagnosed with autism, I have struggled a lot my whole life with social interactions and due to so many misunderstandings and trauma I have spent a long time believing there is something wrong with me/that I'm a bad person (because no matter how hard I would try I would still upset or annoy people without understanding or realising).

I was previously diagnosed with bipolar but recently it has been concluded that it was always autism and ADHD, which due to not being picked up on led to many problems that then caused the psychosis like secondary issues.

I've lived more than 10 years now in isolation, and live alone. I don't go outside and I am afraid to be seen by others or interact with them so I only see doctors and such for my many health issues. I rely on pets and online interactions to deal with the loneliness, but found that online gaming communities are very toxic and I couldn't cope in them anymore.

I have really severe anxiety, so have never been able to reach out in any communities before now. I hope I haven't overshared, as I know I have a habit of doing so and annoying people.

It would be nice to have people to talk to though, so thank you for your time if anyone has spent it reading this :)

  • I've seen Seven Deadly Sins & Blue Exorcist too, I liked them as well though it was a long time ago. I recently started to rewatch bleach because of it being a comfort show and someone I thought would like it had never seen it. They're good choices :)

    I think my main critique of bleach was the filler arc's, they were actually pretty cool and it's a shame they never had a lasting impact on anything. That's an anime issue in general though haha

  • Nice choices! I love Bleach it's my number 1 favourite of all time. They have made a new series of Bleach on Disney Plus which is also quite good.  2nd Seven Deadly Sins and 3rd Blue Exorcist. Death Note was also good.

  • I'm not sure if I'd have a top 3, I love ghibli movies a lot though. I think my favourite anime is/was probably kill la kill, and as a teenager I really liked death note (which I think most teens did). Bleach is pretty classic for the nostalgia factor, I don't know that I'd recommend it but due to it being a classic its one of my comfort shows.

    It's not an anime or manga, but fire emblem is also one of my all time favourite game series.

  • @zengarden2014 I also like anime and manga. What are your top 3 favourite anime or manga?

  • I used to watch it a lot, I haven't as much recently because with my attention span I can really struggle to just sit down and read subtitles so I sometimes prefer dubs just so that I can do multiple things at once. I have an ever growing watch list for whenever I feel like I'm able to sit still and watch one thing though!

  • I like manga and anime. 

  • Thanks, I like funny stills from mangas or background stills of anime characters that weren't drawn in full detail as they aren't in the main frame. I've never had the confidence to use actual photos for avatars :)

  • Do you mean Knightmare the children's game show from the 90s? If so I loved that show!!!

  • Hi Goblin Blush welcome to the forum. You didn't overshare in your post and even if you do overshare, you will be accepted and welcomed here. I like your photo it looks like an anime character. 

  • Thanks, sometimes nicer people will say they're "used to it" but it still sort of feels like it's something negative they've just had to begrudgingly accept, and it can also easily get me into trouble in stressful situations. It's really nice to have something so "small" be immediately accepted and appreciated, when it's been a "problem" for me my whole life.

  • It's nice that you get to go out again as you felt isolated during covid, I guess in a way I was lucky that it was already my normal. I'm sorry to hear about your family not being supportive and actively stressing you out, that really sucks.

    I've been in the system for most of my life and I know that follow up and after care can be extremely lacking too, but you're still here and figuring things out and that's important.

  • Hi Goblin welcome. I'm new as well and also overshare and info dump all the time, it's like a hobby for me lol. ;) You're not alone x.

  • Hello Goblin 

    Welcome to the community forum. I've deleted all of my social media accounts and feel better. Also getting weather is getting warmer now. During covid outbreak I felt isolated and got given a goody bag from a local charity.

    Now trying to rebuild my life. I go to a local group where do different types of things. The organiser invited me. I go to the ones enjoy doing. Feel like someone is pushing me to go everyone. The website isn't brilliant and clear (some cost extra);

    My family was interfering by forcing me to find a job and do volunteering somewhere else. Also going behind my back. I get asked in my town uncomfortable questions. Think people don't understand that I was in a bad place for a long time and was mortified what I saw. Management knew and didn't prevent this. Tried something new and had a massive anxiety attack. During 2020 had threatened letters and emails. Raised issues and no response. Had no after care. :(

  • Yes, it already feels like one because of how welcoming everyone is being. It's very new to me!

    I know how tricky psychosis can be, most anti-psychotics aren't viable for me either due to side effects they cause so generally the answer is "have fun with the hallucinations, I guess" (which are never fun). It's really weird thinking about things and recognising that it was autism from the start, and a strange identity problem to tackle.

  • I spent more than 10 years medicated for bipolar

    Sorry to hear that. I also thought i had bi-polar for many years. My diagnosis is schizophrenia but autism being missed was the issue all along 

    but at least it feels like there's a way forward now :)

    Yes absolutely, and this place can be a refuge/sanctuary for you now which will help also 

  • Yeah! I used the name a long time before that, but I found it really funny when it started trending and stuff because people would lament about it while I'd snicker and cheer. It is a bit sudden and strange though, but I also don't use social media so I guess I'm pretty out of the loop with it haha.

  • Hah, yes! Goblin mode and whatnot. 

  • Thank you, I haven't seen Knightmare but I used to be frequently called a Goblin by people because of my personality I guess! I always resonated with them, but I've also noticed they've become quite popular recently since COVID too. :)

  • Oh I loved Knightmare. The highlight of many a Friday.