Recently diagnosed adult

I was diagnosed May this year and expected there to be highs and lows.

I've suffered with depression all my life, I can even remember suffering as a child. I suspect this is down to a traumatic childhood with various trauma as an adult also thrown in.

Luckily, before I was diagnosed I did a lot of therapy and it left me in a much better place with ways to manage as well. I'm pretty confident it's not depression but a combination of mental fatigue from adapting to my diagnosis and physical fatigue from the races I've run this year (a marathon, 3 x 50 mile races and a 24 hour mountain race).

My diets very good due to the running I do, and on the rare occasions I let it slip, physically I feel like cr@p!

I'm a strong advocate of 'each to their own' in terms of treatment, whats right for one person may not be for another. Therapy has always worked well for me and as such I've avoided anti depressants as I think they would just be covering the symptoms behind my real issues.

Thanks for the reply, I hope things work out well for your son and he gets out running when he's ready.

Ah ok, get it thanks

I think you may have misinterpreted what I said about registering as a NAS member, due to the way I had expressed myself. Everyone who posts in forum discussions has to register, which as far as I'm concerned makes them a member. This is irrespective of whether they choose to pay to access additional content.

It's okay to feel crap for a while, too.  Your brain is processing all this huge stuff about who you are and that's going to take up space and emotional resources. Think of it like a laptop with too many programs running at once. Everything slows down because of the background processes.  

I was talking to my therapist about my recent grief, and I said "I've given myself permission to be useless for a while," and he said that was perfectly valid under the circumstances.  Let yourself have some down time if you need it. Work out what your individual needs are and what strategies you can use to support them.  You will adapt, but the thing about being autistic is it takes longer to get used to the change.

Yes my son has had same problem..even its mentioned a lot that people say they wish they'd never been diagnosed etc...it took my son 5 yrs after diagnosis to get over depression because what he was telling me overall was the information he found online was very negative .  

Just wondering when you got your diagnosis? As I say it took my son 5 years to come to terms with it he didn't get out of bed it got pretty bad.but he is now running on treadmill etc and I have heard it is a good thing to do regarding asd too

It sounds to me like you just depressed and is why you lack motivation to run.It sounds like a cliché but just know that depression can end and you will want to run then

• You could consider anti depressants for a short while or just try to improve your diet etc.Just don't give up because logically it stands to reason that if you have felt good in the past and your depression is because of an actual reason and not medical then you will come out of it at some point.just hang in there.

Thanks Sparkly, think I'll give registering as an NAS member a go

Congratulations on your diagnosis. As I am sure you have discovered, there are a good many members here who started off in the same boat as you; decades spent feeling 'different' before we eventually discovered why.

I was 42 when I discovered why I had spent so much of my life struggling. For me, it was a blessed relief, which was then followed by a feeling of, "What now?" I didn't want to spend the rest of my life struggling, and I felt rather despondent because I had incorrectly assumed that I would be automatically referred to some form of professional post-diagnosis support. When my GP gave me a printout with the URL of the National Autistic Society, little did I know that this was the only autism-related help I was going to get from the medical profession.

It took me the best part of 5 years to realise that if I wanted help, it would probably be in my best interests to register as a NAS member. I wish I had done it sooner, as it's given me the confidence to start ditching the mask; to not feel guilty or self-conscious about being my authentic self when I'm not in my safe space.

Unmasking after so many years of unconsciously masking is ultimately good for us  but hard to do.

Totally get the family reliance thing. My folks rely on me  just when I need that support myself,  yet have none. We do what we can in this life given what we have to give. You can do no more.

Thanks Dawn, I really appreciate the advise.

I get the point about dropping the 'excuses' thing, I just think it will be hard to do as I've masked very effectively for my whole life, so much so it's almost 'hard wired' into me. When I was assessed my psychologist reported I was very good at social camouflage. It's true to say I can literally switch personalities to suit the situation I'm in.

I think part of the issue for me is that if I stop pushing myself my job would suffer and I have a wife (who has health issues of her own) and 2 teenage daughters who rely on me.

My biggest issue at the moment is that it feels like no one around me really understands, plus I've masked effectively for most of my life so people struggle to accept that most of what they see is my masking. I guess that's why I started on this board, to try and get talking to people who understand.

I'll definitely take your advise, I just think it's something I'll have to do over time.

Thanks again for your reply

Congratulations on your diagnosis.

You aren't alone. I lived for 56 years without knowing I am autistic. I do social - differently and its tiring, but I do it. I am a trainer even, albeit my mates have always defined me as quirky and forthright, and I would so agree. I often haven't "fit" but the people who love me enjoy rather than deride my quirks. The others, I don't care about. The anxiety,...oh yeah

But you know, you are not any different today as you were before your diagnosis. Except that now, you KNOW the what for and why you are you. You know what those differences are all about. 

It's normal with a late diagnosis to have a feeling of relief to be followed by questioning of another sort. Take your time to process. There's no rush.

Ultimately though, ditch the "excuse" thing though. You are not making excuses. You are wired differently. You need certain things to be tailored to that wiring in order to function at your best and give of your best; we struggle to get others to understand it at times. But you don't need to have or make "excuses". No excuse is needed to be you. Being 'you' is a right for everyone.

Thanks Catlover, I did a lot of therapy due to a trauma I suffered both as I child and an adult which was thought to be the source of my anxiety and depression.

This was before my diagnosis but certainly improved my mental health a lot.

I'll definitely take your advise on board and will probably revisit therapy with the knowledge of my diagnosis.

I've been 'removing' my mask a little at home and talking to my wife about how everyday things and how they affect me (although I've always hidden it before). She's been very supportive, but I don't think she quite 'gets it' yet.

Congrats on your diagnosis. I would say that you need time. You might have the answer to your past issues, but you don’t know what to do with it. I was diagnosed in March, I’m 49. I’m still adapting, and sometimes I feel like I’m not Autistic. I’m still finding out what is me, and what is Autism, so I get your predicament. 
I think you learn as you go on. I started by taking off my mask little by little. Saying ‘no’ more, putting myself first, saying what I want rather than hiding and agreeing, small steps. Just go with the flow. Persevere with the ‘me time’. It’s very important.
I found intensive CBT useful, as it helped kick start my the motivation I lost after getting my diagnosis.