How do I tell my 12 year old son that he is autistic?

There are a number of very humorous aspects to our status.

Me and my Daughter exploit them all. Not least is the innocent familial joy of coming up with what should be the most hurtful and insulting terms to describe one another, but in our context is just hilarious. 

In fact I've just invented a new term to try out on her. I shall call her a "neurocryptic *******" and see what she comes back at me with when she next gives me an opportunity.                                                                                                                                                                               

I agree with this. I was 4 when I realised I was different it's one of my earliest memories. 

It has taken me years to come to terms with my diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome at an early age. Granted, it was over twenty years ago, but I always felt embarrassed and avoided discussing it with my parents. We now live in a society that is much more aware, particularly younger generations, of neurodiversity and the fact Autism is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of. It can bring a lot of benefits into our lives! The idea suggested by Martin in this thread of contextualising the diagnosis to your son with the names of famous Autistic people sounds like a good idea. It will hopefully prove to him that he can do and achieve anything if he puts his mind to it.

It is completely normal for him to be sensitive, we often feel emotions more intensely and overthink consequences of our social interactions which can manifest itself as anxiety. It would be helpful to try and create a sensory friendly, comfortable environment to have the conversation.

Best of luck. 

I would add that surveys show that the vast majority of autistics recognised that they were 'different' at a very early age, so the diagnosis is seldom much of a surprise.

I was in the same position as you a couple of years ago, telling my 13 year old daughter. She handled it a lot better than I expected. 

I started off saying positive things she does like when everything has a place it is very helpful to stay organised. She's really good with technology and maths. She can also notice the tiniest things. I told her a lot of positives then I explained the things she struggled with, communication, social situations, change, sensory. I said that everyone is human and everyone has their own issues and these are the things you struggle with more and that's ok. We can work together to get better at handling them and find ways to cope. 

I hope this helps. Good luck 

There are good and bad humans in this world. It might be useful to begin to help him understand how occasionally there are humans who like to exploit others. Who enjoy exploiting a weakness in others. How to earn and how to allow others to earn trust. Historically, stories would be a way children could learn qualities in building and breaking relationships and how to spot a sociopath. Harry Potter is good with showing some of these rules. Although many modern stories create sympathy for those we need to actually have boundaries with. 

The other here is: We have a few autistics in our family and all of us could've used a good lesson on the Art of Not Sharing. I wasn't helped to understand until much later in life that I didn't "owe" anyone an explanation or my thoughts, who I wasn't committed to or equally invested with. Family medical issues are not mine to share at whim, there is an ethical practice involving other members I am responsible with. Learning about the role and responsibilities involved in words, using them like a contract, using them to betray or turning something important base, these are all matters of consequence and worth helping kids understand.

I might say "We are a family with Autism in our genetics. Medically recognised traits are for families to understand together and cannot just be shared with anyone. Let's be wise with who we ALLOW into our 'circle'. Hopefully by the time you're an adult, Autism will be recognised as just a different way of perceiving and understanding the world - maybe even envied by those who aren't, but for now, it's still a bit mysterious." While yes, we don't have a super power, there are good reasons for super heroes to remain anonymous. The new Spider Man movie is a good one exploring the consequences of ones identity being unmasked. It's OK to be covert. In business, in negotiations, but we are hidden even from our own selves - we may think we know ourselves but do we really. While you'll need to connect with his teachers, maybe it's a good time to learn the value of how to be and what to expect from a good friend. 

Hi there, 

I'm autistic and I am a parent. 

Like your son I am very sensitive and anxious. I wasnt diagnosed until I was 29. I always knew I was different I never fitted in much anywhere but being that I'm female and I was a child of the 90s autism was still very much a boys club and I eventually became very skilled at masking.

If I had have known as a child what I know now I would have spent alot less time blaming myself for things that I now see were never my fault to begin with. Not knowing caused me alot of trauma. I would give your son the knowledge, knowledge is power.

Your son is probably wondering himself what the outcome is. Sitting down with him and as someone said already there are so many awesome autistic role models out there. Like Eminem is another example. Dan from the aspie world on YouTube is another awesome autistic man. 

Its understandable to worry about your son sharing with others and others reactions that's only natural he's your baby. Kids are alot more clued up now on things like mental health and autism and alot more understanding too. I dont know how old your son is but my daughter knows I am autistic and she thinks its great. Kids arw curious you never know you might find if he does chose to share he has some positive experiences also. 

Best of luck to you.

I would introduce him to people like Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, Mozart, Isaac Newton and Picasso, then say that he has something in common with them, being autistic. Though figures of the past cannot be given posthumous clinical diagnoses, all these great people showed strong autistic traits. Modern day diagnosed autistics include: Elon Musk, Anthony Hopkins, Daryl Hannah and Dan Ackroyd.