Published on 12, July, 2020
We have just had an ASD assessment on our son. We have just (today) received the report and as we suspected, he is autistic. Although he knows the assessments were for ASD, he hasn't been asking what the outcome might be. Now we have a definite diagnosis, we want to tell him but we want to do it right and put it across in a positive way.
Is there anybody who can share their experiences please?
Our son is a sensitive soul and can be quite anxious.
My other concern is that he might share his diagnosis with people at school who will use it to target him.
Any help or advice is welcomed.
Thank you!
There are good and bad humans in this world. It might be useful to begin to help him understand how occasionally there are humans who like to exploit others. Who enjoy exploiting a weakness in others. How to earn and how to allow others to earn trust. Historically, stories would be a way children could learn qualities in building and breaking relationships and how to spot a sociopath. Harry Potter is good with showing some of these rules. Although many modern stories create sympathy for those we need to actually have boundaries with.
The other here is: We have a few autistics in our family and all of us could've used a good lesson on the Art of Not Sharing. I wasn't helped to understand until much later in life that I didn't "owe" anyone an explanation or my thoughts, who I wasn't committed to or equally invested with. Family medical issues are not mine to share at whim, there is an ethical practice involving other members I am responsible with. Learning about the role and responsibilities involved in words, using them like a contract, using them to betray or turning something important base, these are all matters of consequence and worth helping kids understand.
I might say "We are a family with Autism in our genetics. Medically recognised traits are for families to understand together and cannot just be shared with anyone. Let's be wise with who we ALLOW into our 'circle'. Hopefully by the time you're an adult, Autism will be recognised as just a different way of perceiving and understanding the world - maybe even envied by those who aren't, but for now, it's still a bit mysterious." While yes, we don't have a super power, there are good reasons for super heroes to remain anonymous. The new Spider Man movie is a good one exploring the consequences of ones identity being unmasked. It's OK to be covert. In business, in negotiations, but we are hidden even from our own selves - we may think we know ourselves but do we really. While you'll need to connect with his teachers, maybe it's a good time to learn the value of how to be and what to expect from a good friend.