Newbie

Surely you still have a right to live there until the house is sold 

That makes my blood boil.

OMG!

How about contacting Shelter?

I'm just holding on tbh 

As a vulnerable adult you are entitled to more consideration than those who aren't vulnerable.

Hi, 

Yeah, it is hard work, I'm very emotional too and end up being swamped by a fight/flight mode, usually me going totally silent whilst I try figure out how to mend it.

I was in a psychiatric ward for the last three weeks and just got her solicitors letter so there's no making up 

Hi Rob,

Congratulations on your diagnosis, it takes a lot of time and effort but it helps with gaining insight into you as an individual.  I'm still in the "waiting" part of the process.

It's incredibly heart wrenching when the "in sickness and in health" doesn't translate into reality.  Some observations of mine:

• ! think that your wife thinking it's "all too much" is hurtful but it's honest.  She cares enough about herself and you to be honest about how she is feeling inside which is hard when she knows it hurts both of you.
• I think that you not reading the signs is more complicated than that.  You both have different communication styles that you are used to but that is where the compromise needed to happen.  She needed to be more direct about her needs and you needed to be more studious about learning her behaviour changes.  This is most probably why it was "all too much" from both sides as it takes a lot of effort and commitment from both people.

I'll share my marriage/divorce experience as I feel it will help you feel better about your situation.  I needed/need a lot of emotional support in my marriage.  My ex husband was not able to give that because he was not attuned to and did not understand my emotions because (as I now understand) he doesn't connect with his own emotions.  He's very blank emotionally and I am overly emotional so you can see how this isn't compatible especially since he was not able to communicate about any of the issues we were experiencing.  He was unable to show love and me being a highly emotionally sensitive person felt single in my own marriage.  It's worse than being single as I am now because it's more isolating.

The reason I share this is because I want to show you that no matter how much you love someone, if they are not able to put the effort into the relationship.  It is not your fault or theirs.  As we all know, relationships take hard work and commitment but sometimes the differences are too wounding for even the most enduring couple.  It is hurtful because you didn't see it coming.  I understand that.  Whether your wife and you can work it out or not. Know this, there will be someone out there who is willing and able to put up with your negatives and equally you will be able to handle theirs.  It does get less painful.

Best of luck.

H :-)

I was only diagnosed in February at 45. With the post diagnostic support, she didn't want to do couples counselling etc and then just sprung it on me a few weeks ago. Because we worked together, I'm nor allowed back there and has said I don't need to return to the house so sofa surfing at moment. I get really bogged down with complications and confrontations, I hate it so thinking of no job, nowhere to live is freaking me out.

Hi Rob,

I have not been through what you have because how could I it is your unique journey. 

However I was diagnosed at 46 and am now 50 and it was also post break up so I would say we will have much that resonates in experiences. 

Stay on this forum and remain engaged as I know this for sure their are many excellent, intelligent and experienced individuals on this forum and you won't be ever left without sound advice should you reach out for it.

Hi, a Chris packham moment would be just great!! I think what's thrown me the most is how I do my routines in my own bubble and thought everything was OK so to get this sprung on me, and apparently I never even saw it happening right in front of me, didn't 'read' the body language, the silences etc.

Hello Rob

I hope 2022  brings you more happiness.  I am lucky that my wife wants to go on this journey with my ASD and is willing to make accommodations but I don’t a high level of social anxiety and I am not obsessive about routines etc so she doesn’t have to make big changes.  

It seems a shame your ex wife couldn’t cope or wasn’t willing to help you with the diagnosis.  It is a big revelation to find out as an adult that you have ASD and emotional support makes finding out so much easier.

A little humour to cheer you up.

Try thinking of positives and this gives you a chance of finding new routines and hobbies and more time to learn and discover things?

No/yes, but sort of. Lol, sorry doesn't quite make sence.

Firstly, welcome.

I had to initiate a divorce. My husband is someone I love deeply and dearly, but who is too far sunk into a can of Stella to understand my ASD, to the point he is a walking sensory bombardment. So, sort of reverse getting your position, if you see what I mean.

Yes, it takes two to make any relationship work. When it's ND/NT both have to be committed to understanding the other's perspective. If my husband were sober, I'm sure we'd be sitting on a river bank doing a quiet Chris Packam moment now. But he isn't so...

You need new routines, now I guess. You can find them, I'm sure. Chuck a few ideas out here, someone will have a clue to help x

sorry to hear your wife left you.   Welcome to this forum .

Hi, 

Yes I'm the same, I don't have the 'alarms' that say I'm hungry, thirsty etc.

I guess maybe its a good thing to know now how people react than in years time? 

Hello

I enjoy the freedom of freedom. I don't live by the clock, eat when hungry, sleep when tired (exhausted more like), crap when bowel full etc.

Things inevitably got better for me after diagnosis but to have your relationship demise because of it exposes people to you as my diagnosis exposed people to me. I cannot change that and the best I can do is have the knowledge of it.