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Newbie

Rob76
over 2 years ago

Hi, 

Im new to this community and also only one year since diagnosed late as ASD. In that year, knowing that things take two people to make things work, my wife has also left as its all 'too much'.

 With my daily routines totally gone and the emotions of it, I'm totally struggling.

Anyone else been through similar? 

Parents
  • over 2 years ago

    Hi Rob,

    Congratulations on your diagnosis, it takes a lot of time and effort but it helps with gaining insight into you as an individual.  I'm still in the "waiting" part of the process.

    It's incredibly heart wrenching when the "in sickness and in health" doesn't translate into reality.  Some observations of mine:

    • ! think that your wife thinking it's "all too much" is hurtful but it's honest.  She cares enough about herself and you to be honest about how she is feeling inside which is hard when she knows it hurts both of you.
    • I think that you not reading the signs is more complicated than that.  You both have different communication styles that you are used to but that is where the compromise needed to happen.  She needed to be more direct about her needs and you needed to be more studious about learning her behaviour changes.  This is most probably why it was "all too much" from both sides as it takes a lot of effort and commitment from both people.

    I'll share my marriage/divorce experience as I feel it will help you feel better about your situation.  I needed/need a lot of emotional support in my marriage.  My ex husband was not able to give that because he was not attuned to and did not understand my emotions because (as I now understand) he doesn't connect with his own emotions.  He's very blank emotionally and I am overly emotional so you can see how this isn't compatible especially since he was not able to communicate about any of the issues we were experiencing.  He was unable to show love and me being a highly emotionally sensitive person felt single in my own marriage.  It's worse than being single as I am now because it's more isolating.

    The reason I share this is because I want to show you that no matter how much you love someone, if they are not able to put the effort into the relationship.  It is not your fault or theirs.  As we all know, relationships take hard work and commitment but sometimes the differences are too wounding for even the most enduring couple.  It is hurtful because you didn't see it coming.  I understand that.  Whether your wife and you can work it out or not. Know this, there will be someone out there who is willing and able to put up with your negatives and equally you will be able to handle theirs.  It does get less painful.

    Best of luck.

    H :-)

  • over 2 years ago in reply to Deleted user

    Hi, 

    Yeah, it is hard work, I'm very emotional too and end up being swamped by a fight/flight mode, usually me going totally silent whilst I try figure out how to mend it.

    I was in a psychiatric ward for the last three weeks and just got her solicitors letter so there's no making up 

Reply
  • over 2 years ago in reply to Deleted user

    Hi, 

    Yeah, it is hard work, I'm very emotional too and end up being swamped by a fight/flight mode, usually me going totally silent whilst I try figure out how to mend it.

    I was in a psychiatric ward for the last three weeks and just got her solicitors letter so there's no making up 

Children