Hello

Hello Darren,

That's a pretty good opening post...  you're certainly not shy.

Welcome to the forum.

Ben

I'm sorry that you've had such difficulty getting diagnosed and being stuck in the mental health system.  I also am hoping to connect with people who understand me here.

Hello

I was diagnosed in November 2021. I'm 30. 

I always felt different somehow, and have always struggled with socialising and managing things such as work. I have had four full time jobs... They all ended the same way, and that was with me completely burning out and reverting back into depression and isolation. I find with work and relationships that I try too hard, I put all of my energy into these things and then crash. 

I was never taken seriously with my mental health, despite having been open to mental health services for around 15 years now, and despite all of the self harm I have done and the suicidal ideation, it took a close shave with an attempt for me be taken seriously. I was admitted to a mental health hospital in January last year. Covid drove me round the bend amongst many others things I had going on such as moving home,  a new job and a break down of a 9 year relationship. It wasn't until my behaviour was observed that anybody thought I could be autistic. 

I've been on so many different medications, nothing worked.... I found the only thing that helped to alleviate anxiety and my constant thoughts was to smoke cannabis.... but that too had turned into a problem, I became dependant on it (so I honestly don't recommend it if you have difficulties managing your activities such as myself). 

Being diagnosed, and then reading about autism has been a revelation. A double-edged sword really with mixed feelings I don't actually understand. But it has been a stepping stone. I don't beat myself up as much anymore for past 'failings' and I'm able to reflect on achievements I have done, especially things I have completed by myself despite struggling so much. 

The most upsetting thing I read relating to autism was I looked up autism and dating. I read a few articles written  for people dating or in a relationship with somebody who is autistic, I found the article was pretty much describing how somebody can cope or deal with me... I was quite shocked by it.

Lost my train of thought now haha, I'm easily distracted. 

This is my first time on the website and my first reply to a post. I hope the site helps me to connect with people who will understand me, and to also help me to understand myself. I also hope to be able to help and support others as well who are having similar difficulties. Yes, we are autistic, but that doesn't mean we are any less than anybody else. Through our differences with others, we have our own positives to offer the world

Sincerely,

Darren

Luftmentsch said:

I used to do that when I was very depressed. 

I find it useful when feeling overwhelmed.  I'm happy it might help. :-)

To relax I like to watch TV especially Doctor Who (special interest!), to read or to go for a walk.  I can't really take time to relax at work, except at lunch, but I'm working somewhat shorter days at the moment so I just push through and crash when I get home.  I am trying not to have to do much when I get home, but it's not always feasible.  Breaking things into little pieces is a good idea, I used to do that when I was very depressed.  Thanks for the tips!

Thank you!

It is definitely a relief, yes.

Thank you!

I had heard of spoon theory, but mainly as a retroactive thing, to explain why I've crashed to others.  I haven't tried to use it to maintain energy levels proactively.

Hi and welcome.  

Luftmentsch said:

It basically gave me permission not to beat myself up for my struggles, which was a relief.

This is what I hope will happen with me.  I'm still in the waiting part of the assessment process.  Some things that may or may not help:

What works for you to relax and zone out?  I blast music and dance or walk or snuggle with a heavy blanket or inhale lavender when I'm really bad.  You could develop a system where you do snippets of relaxation within your work. Is there an empty office space where you'd be allowed to go in break times to destress?  

Fatigue- I started taking vitamins as this helps and I eat organic food.  I guess it's also about building switch off moments into your day that work for you.  On the days you work you could do as little as possible when you are home? On days off you can gauge how you feel as to how much you can handle doing?  I break things into very small pieces when depression is an issue- I'll just get out of bed and get a drink, I'll sit for a while.  That's a huge step even just getting out of bed and an achievement as it's temping to put the covers over your head and not face the world.....

I guess it's about knowing yourself and recognising what works for you and what doesn't.  I've realised that I can't work at the moment as it means I am too stressed to be a good parent/daughter/sister and friend.  It's difficult for me to accept but when I realised that other people didn't experience the world in the sensory sense that I do, I thought maybe they wouldn't be able to work either.  It does help gaining more understanding of different peoples experiences.  Reading and posting on this forum also helps with this.

It's wonderful that your diagnosis meant that you are less hard on yourself now because of the new perspective you have.  

Best of luck. :-)

For me it was more like extra anxiety guess but going from being told I just learning difculties then being told I had a learning a disability instead was kind of a life line so yeah get what you mean and actually being reasured I had an above average IQ was also reasureing too. So yeah I get that.

It’s such a good feeling being able to explain those difficult times in your life and why you react as you do to situations.  Finding out I have ASD has been such a relief mostly and as you say, it stops one beating oneself up so much.

Always good to see another making it past 36 gives myself more hope for future welcome 

Hello Dawn, please excuse me cutting in... 

I know this as 'spoon theory' ...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory

If you have a busy day it really can help, but you need to be quite focussed, I learned about it from a friend with a physical disability who simply needed to pace herself.  You just visualise spoons, each one being a unit of energy. It takes a little bit of self-discipline but many use it successfully. However, be aware, it is far too easy to forget about it until you are already in deficit.

Ben

It's not an exact science and I can see that it works at some points in life better than others. When my lad was little, between work the commute and his dizzy round of social whatnot, I'm not sure where I'd have found all this restorative time for 'deposits'. 

Now that I'm middle aged and can work from home, it's easier because I suppose I'm more time rich. If I want to go to a social function, I make sure I've a day off before or after. If I have to travel anywhere, I choose the mode that "costs" me least and think about what opportunities I'll have to recuperate from the sensory bombardment.

I had heard of energy accounting, but I'm not sure how to assign values to different activities.  Plus, how draining an activity is seems to depend on lots of different factors, it's not always the same.  I will try to find the YouTube video.

Ah! Thank you. That's fascinating. 

Re the fatigue btw there is a concept called energy accounting which might help. Purple Ella has a good you tube video on that.

Basically, you treat your energy reserves like a bank account. If you are going to have 'spend' some on one thing, you need some energy 'income' to replenish the account.

I guess we all do that with our food intake. If you are going to run a marathon, you need lots of carbs cos you're going to burn the calories. But this is more about rest and alone time and hobbies to give the energy 'deposits' to spend later.

Luftmentsch is Yiddish.  It does literally translate as 'sky person,' but means someone with their head in the air, not necessarily rooted to things in the world.

Thank you!