Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed with high functioning autism earlier this year at age thirty-seven, after a very, very long process of trying to get an accurate diagnosis. I've spent all my adult life struggling with mental illness. My depression significantly subsided after my ASD diagnosis. I stopped seeing myself as a neurotypical who fails at things for no reason and instead as an autistic person who has the challenges that go with that. It basically gave me permission not to beat myself up for my struggles, which was a relief.
I'm still learning to find my place in the world. I've never worked full-time. I currently work part-time, not in the type of job I thought I would have and am trained to have. It's a practical struggle (to earn money) as well as a more emotional one (to do something I enjoy). I also struggle a lot with fatigue, particularly around work, and I'm trying to find more information about autistic burnout and autistic fatigue.
Hello
I was diagnosed in November 2021. I'm 30.
I always felt different somehow, and have always struggled with socialising and managing things such as work. I have had four full time jobs... They all ended the same way, and that was with me completely burning out and reverting back into depression and isolation. I find with work and relationships that I try too hard, I put all of my energy into these things and then crash.
I was never taken seriously with my mental health, despite having been open to mental health services for around 15 years now, and despite all of the self harm I have done and the suicidal ideation, it took a close shave with an attempt for me be taken seriously. I was admitted to a mental health hospital in January last year. Covid drove me round the bend amongst many others things I had going on such as moving home, a new job and a break down of a 9 year relationship. It wasn't until my behaviour was observed that anybody thought I could be autistic.
I've been on so many different medications, nothing worked.... I found the only thing that helped to alleviate anxiety and my constant thoughts was to smoke cannabis.... but that too had turned into a problem, I became dependant on it (so I honestly don't recommend it if you have difficulties managing your activities such as myself).
Being diagnosed, and then reading about autism has been a revelation. A double-edged sword really with mixed feelings I don't actually understand. But it has been a stepping stone. I don't beat myself up as much anymore for past 'failings' and I'm able to reflect on achievements I have done, especially things I have completed by myself despite struggling so much.
The most upsetting thing I read relating to autism was I looked up autism and dating. I read a few articles written for people dating or in a relationship with somebody who is autistic, I found the article was pretty much describing how somebody can cope or deal with me... I was quite shocked by it.
Lost my train of thought now haha, I'm easily distracted.
This is my first time on the website and my first reply to a post. I hope the site helps me to connect with people who will understand me, and to also help me to understand myself. I also hope to be able to help and support others as well who are having similar difficulties. Yes, we are autistic, but that doesn't mean we are any less than anybody else. Through our differences with others, we have our own positives to offer the world
Sincerely,
Darren
Hello Darren,
That's a pretty good opening post... you're certainly not shy.
Welcome to the forum.
Ben
I'm sorry that you've had such difficulty getting diagnosed and being stuck in the mental health system. I also am hoping to connect with people who understand me here.