Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, I’m hoping you can give me some advice.
ever since I was young, I have felt different. I am female, and academically a bright person, but I’ve always struggled in social situations, and I’ve struggled with changes to my routine, such as when I went to secondary school and university. I also struggle sometimes with different fabrics against my skin (potentially a sensory issue?) When I was at secondary school, a friend from outside of school said to me that they thought I might be somewhere on the spectrum. I confided in a school friend about this who dismissed the idea, saying I was too intelligent to be autistic.
Fast forward to now, and I’m 22 years of age. I started a job at the end of September, and am struggling. I enjoy my work, however struggled with the change to my routine at the time, and also feel like I struggle with the social side of things, eg in the break room. I don’t always know when it’s my turn to speak, and sometimes feel like I should have shut up already. There’s one member of staff, called Greg, who I got on with straight away, he’s probably the first person in my life I haven’t felt the need to try to pretend to fit in around. He just gets me, he is a few years older than me, and has a pet who I get the impression is kind of his world, and videos of him and this pet almost remind me of how I am with my dolly. Just saying that out loud seems really embarrassing: I am 22 years of age and I still need my dolly. Greg is autistic, and in his own words is high functioning- high ability and low sociability
Recently at work, we have been encouraged to do some online wellbeing tests, and to submit scores via an anonymous feedback form. This is to help management gauge the mood of the group as a whole given the current situation with Covid, the test indicated autistic traits. I haven’t currently shared this info with work. I then did an online autism quotient screening thing (I know they aren’t the most reliable thing, but it was the best I could do) which indicated that I could be somewhere on the spectrum. I am now freaking out. I am estranged from my family so couldn’t ask parents for support. Part of me wants to know whether I am somewhere in the spectrum, as it might help me explain why I struggle so much socially, and why I struggle with certain fabrics, but part of me wonders if I look into a diagnosis and am found to not have autism it might be worse for me, as there’s no reason for how I am.
Im debating going private if I do seek an assessment, because waiting for an NHS referral would probably increase my anxiety, but part of me wonders if I’m making a fuss over nothing as I’m coping okay, but I’m exhausted from having to try and act normal. I’m also not entirely sure if I have the strength to do this on my own, without anyone to support me. If I am autistic, I’m clearly high functioning, because I’ve made it to 22 without it really being obvious (I wonder if I’m masking heavily though).
I dont know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?
no problemo
And - thanks - it's great to have found it!
I've been managing and working around my weirdnesses.. and able to get away with seeming normal enough for it not to be noticed as anything other than I'm a bit quirky. Is that what high functioning means?
I think it's actually a bad place to be, as it's never seemed problematic enough to deal with it, but I also put in an incredible amount of work to get by...
And OK, that's quite a lot... my birthday is coming up, maybe I can ask for donations rather than gifts!
800 - 1200 quid and i havent heard anyone here below 1000 quid.
U think you are high functioning ? I think thats what u mean ....
yea its good u have someone take a look and give u quite valuable information which u can then build on.
welcome to this autistic forum beanw
Hi. I'm new here too and am thinking the same thing -- just going for a private diagnosis to get it over with. I have no idea how much it might cost or where to go looking though. And am aware that the pandemic will slow down an NHS diagnosis for quite a while...
I've been thinking that I probably have low end aspergers for a few years now. I'm in my fourties and am functioning, or always have been able to just about get away with it. I work in a creative industry so can be a bit oddball... but I struggle a little and also with relationships, whether friends or romantic... Knowing for sure would really help me to feel better about it all I think.
Any advice welcome....
I understand. I guess you have to decide whether getting a diagnosis is going to benefit you or make things worse. It is completely your choice whether you share your diagnosis with an employer or anybody else for that matter. With a private clinic, there will be more flexibility and they will be used to people arranging the assessment for a time and place that suits them best so try not to worry about that.
I know it’s not a bad thing to know about myself, I guess it’s just a bit nerve wracking, either I’m not autistic and I’m then just an antisocial weirdo, or I am autistic and then I guess I’d probably need to tell people like my employer, and that makes me nervous. I’m sure it’s just a bit of fear of the unknown.
and yes, the forum is great, but it’s not quite the same as having someone by my side to support me, so I’m going to have to try and calm my nerves a bit. I’ve found a private clinic, with a couple of sites relatively near to me, but I must admit I’m a bit nervous about picking up the phone and asking for advice, particularly when I’m asking to be seen in person and in school holidays, because my home situation means a virtual appointment would be tricky and I’m not mentally in a position to be ready to speak to work yet...
It isn't a bad diagnosis to have in that they aren't telling you that you have a terminal illness. Personally, I think it is quite positive because it provides you with answers and support. So it isn't a terrible thing to go through alone and you aren't totally alone - you can post on this forum and somebody will respond and be there to support you.
Hi all, thanks for the responses, I feel like an assessment is something that I am going to need to have to move on - if I’m not, then I’m clearly just weird, but if I am I feel like I’d understand myself better. It does concern me that if I got diagnosed, I then would have to work out whether or not to disclose to my employer, and how I go about doing that, but that’s a problem for further down the line. I’m thinking that, because I am in the fortunate position of being able to afford a private assessment that may be a better way for me to go - I’d like to think it would give me the control of being able to say it needed to be in school holidays or a weekend (but ideally I think I’d be looking at feb half term) as I work in a school, and i don’t think I can deal with having to explain to work where I am. I also think it might be quicker than having to push my gp to refer me and wait on the nhs.
I guess im just quite scared about going through this on my own - even the concept of contacting a professional (I’ve done my research and have a feeling I know where I’d look to be assessed) seems a lot right now, particularly with no family to support me and no friends who I feel I can confide in, and I genuinely don’t know if I am strong enough to do this. I also feel like I’m wasting peoples time, even though I know that how I’m feeling probably won’t they any better until I know for sure, something which is adding to my feelings of anxiety.
Hi, I was diagnosed last week at the age of 27 and it has already helped me so much so I would say definitely ask your GP for a referral or go private if this is an option. I too managed academically and I was able to hold down a job in my early twenties but things became increasingly more difficult for me and I could no longer cope. I think had I got a diagnosis sooner, things may not have spiralled.
Funnily enough, I have just been having a conversation with my partner about how I feel I was able to do things when I was younger that I wouldn't be able to do now such as go to a busy pub. I think this is because as my anxiety has worsened, my capacity to cope with sensory issues and social struggles has reduced.
Now I have the diagnosis, I feel more confident about not hiding how much I struggle, for example, I have for years stopped myself putting my hands over my ears in coffee shops when the coffee machine is on because I feared people would judge me. Now, I am thinking I should just go for it, if it eases my anxiety and means I can cope in that environment better. Like you said, it is exhausting trying to act "normal" and I don't think we should. We are who we are and that should be accepted.
Please feel free to ask me any questions either on here or via private message.
I would advise speaking to your GP about it, and make it clear that these things are starting to impact your life. It may not be to a major extent right now, but I have found it progressively harder over the years to socialise, even function at times, and I didn't get diagnosed till a few months ago, at 35. Every attempt made before then to get to the root of my issues found me to be quite typical, and not autistic or anything. I was the kid at school who 'needs to try harder' and 'doesn't concentrate or apply himself' etc, I was diagnosed with OCD late in ny education but I don't think it was even considered that I had autism as like you I displayed a good level of intelligence and I think the perception of autism in the past was that it's always pretty obvious because only the most severe cases were diagnosed.
Just my take of course but being highly intelligent doesn't mean you don't have autism, so don't talk yourself out of thinking you have it, based on that. I can say from your post that I can relate enough to what you're saying to think you should push your GP to refer you (make it clear ypu want a referral because they seem hesitant to give them for some reason) and at least get some answers for yourself. Just be aware there may not be a service in your area so you may have to pay or travel for one, and if you do go through the NHS there's a long wait period but in my case the entire process from initial GP appointment to Autism diagnosis took about six months-and that's with several months of lockdown factored in, so you won't necessarily have to wait as long as ypu think.
But I wish you the best of luck in finding some answers, and for what it's worth I didn't think I was autistic either, just that I had traits, but here I am now getting used to being considered 'disabled', so in my opinion there's no way to know until you've taken the assessment :)
I would say seek an assessment, I'm 35 f and in the process at the moment. I too think I'm making a fuss over nothing. But the idea has been with me so long, I need to know. If you don't do it now, the feeling of "what if "is probably not going to go away. Speak to your GP first.
NAS70458 said:anyone
i’m recently diagnosed and it helped me understand myself a lot. i agree with the other reply, if you can afford to go private i would. it took me a year for my assessment and i only got it when i did because i was about to turn 18 so they had to prioritise me. and if it turns out you’re not autistic that’s okay too you can still work on your social skills etc
If you can afford a private diagnosis, go for it. I have the luxury of being diagnosed in Childhood, and I'm now 41.