Masking and making friends

I think I understand when matic says masking is a lie. But for aspies it is no different than someone visiting a middle Eastern country or say japan and knowing the customs of these countries and adapting our behaviors and mannerisms accordingly. It is exhausting but nothing will change unless society will and this is not Lilley as we still are the hidden disability so unfortunately our issues do not receive the same attention as others

To me, it's lying. "Concealing the truth" is an attempt to deceive, & therefore a lie.

good for u

:add one  to your austism lifetime score sheet

I just saw the video.

I can blend in reasonably well, locally, but my Autistic Brain does have the occasional time on Autopilot.

Desmond you should use full cream milk as its better for you. Aidies YouTube suggestion was a good watch. No way masking is a lie it is like when cromagnon man and neanderthal man first met someone started talking and the other one was totally flumexed. Same for aspies and neuro typicals

I'm an excellent masker. However, sometimes I still portray myself as weird and foolish; e.g. Whenever I go to the shop, I NEVER remember to pick up a basket. Also, this afternoon, I was at a local shop and the reusable bag I brought with me wasn't sturdy enough to carry what I bought; two Two-Litre bottles of Semi-Skimmed milk, two Co-Op Cranberry Juice packs and two Kingsmill Wholemeal loaves.

definition is above

Masking is not lying - it's incredibly complex active-filtering of our natural responses - to hide anything that we've learned makes us a target and creating generic, standard responses that allow us to hide in plain sight.

i have no idea when i did

no masking is not lying

I have masked for a long time and did it before a diagnosis too, the exact point it started was before I was 6. Even before I was formally diagnosed 8 years later. 

Id never call masking lying though, makes it sound like a sin. Instead of just a coping mechanism. 

Maybe, I should try and combine them. I dont think it will work very well with people I despise though may have to revert back to the mask on them occasions. 

I was masking before ever getting a diagnosis of asperger's and this is only way I survived in a high stress job

Right. "An active attempt to conceal your true autistic nature". So, that's lying. Yup, we have to lie to get through life.

I created a different character for myself in social situations in 1997, & I've been two people ever since. I don't think I could unmask if I tried. And I only unmask at times of stress, & then it nearly always ends badly. 

Cutie, if you've the self - awareness to actually still be you, I'd say try & incorporate "you" & "mask" into some kind of happy medium, no? Yes? 

I probably do pay attention to pitch, I dont know anything about it. I think im completely the same! Inner  aspie child who cant cope with certain things. My family are aware of the voice change andention it alot, its apparently very obvious to them. The only time it breaks is when im scared or way to excited over tiny things. Then the pitch goes way too high  people have commented on the voice change and just assumed my normal voice was a sore throat. 

I'd bet that you perceive the pitch change much more that anyone else does - I'll bet they've seen glimpses of it and just accept it as part of you.    As long as you are a good person and your friends are good people, no-one will care.

I pass as a jolly nice chap - very interactive, confident and intelligent - however my inner aspie is a little boy who can't cope with the outside world so my mask gets me through the situation on autopilot.

Hi!! I was diagnosed in highschool about 10 years ago. And ignored it for a long time, however when something goes wrong in my life its normally to do with it. I want to be more of myself, I think the real me is nice and I need to show me to more people. The video link above is really good!! Ive watched it and now watching more. But now ive got more questions. I recommend giving it a watch! 

Thank you!! You understand completely!! Ill definitely give this a watch!! Its too exhausting to keep this up for ever! My masking is always aimed at being a people pleaser to get them to like me, so I can make friends. 

No one know that I have autism, I seem pretty neurotypical, however everything that I do which is deemed odd is done within the comfort of my home. For example I have a high pitched voice, its higher at home and relaxed compared to being in public where I will attempt to sound more mature, if I do it for too long I get a sore throat by the end of the day. I hope that i can drop the mask, its honestly exhausting and social situations are draining. Makes me feel awful too. 

When I was being diagnosed they noted that I'm an extreme 'copier' down to voice, tone and movements. They explained to me what masking was then, and said what I was doing was masking to fit in to a social setting more. 

Masking to me, is adapting to social situations quickly. Its not really lying, everything is the truth of what I say. But the way I act changes from one social group or one person to another. Its exhausting to mask in this way, to adhere to social conventions. Masking for me can be from being okay and hiding my emotions completely. Or to not acting in a comfortable way, example, at home im fine being me completely. Out in public I can to a different person, there is only a few people I'm very comfortable with. And only one who I trust entirely to be my 100% self around.