Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi!
I need advice on how to stop masking? I never knew it was a real thing, and honestly just thought that everyone made severe changes to them selves based on what their wearing or even by who they are with.
I know who I am, however id like to just be myself. People have been close to me for over five years and im still masking completely with them and its come to my attention that they don't actually know the first thing about me.
I would like to make real friends too, i haven't had anh in a few years and want to learn how to do it. Anyone can help? I havent made a single good friend during five years of my degrees, and I'm awful at just being myself. I also think everyone hates me and i need to work through it.
Advice please
Im trying my hardest to just be myself, but I'm great at masking! Its my best skill i think im a fantastic multitasker too. But i need to focus on making friends and not masking! Any tips?
Anyone who gets to know you and likes you won't care if you're masking or not. The more time they spend with you, the more they'll figure it out.
You will find that your mask only works for simple, predictable situations where you can have a pre-programmed answer. As you get older and life gets more complex, you'll find you can't maintain the mask anyway - it's too physically draining so your true self will pop out.
I probably do pay attention to pitch, I dont know anything about it. I think im completely the same! Inner aspie child who cant cope with certain things. My family are aware of the voice change andention it alot, its apparently very obvious to them. The only time it breaks is when im scared or way to excited over tiny things. Then the pitch goes way too high people have commented on the voice change and just assumed my normal voice was a sore throat.
I'd bet that you perceive the pitch change much more that anyone else does - I'll bet they've seen glimpses of it and just accept it as part of you. As long as you are a good person and your friends are good people, no-one will care.
I pass as a jolly nice chap - very interactive, confident and intelligent - however my inner aspie is a little boy who can't cope with the outside world so my mask gets me through the situation on autopilot.
No one know that I have autism, I seem pretty neurotypical, however everything that I do which is deemed odd is done within the comfort of my home. For example I have a high pitched voice, its higher at home and relaxed compared to being in public where I will attempt to sound more mature, if I do it for too long I get a sore throat by the end of the day. I hope that i can drop the mask, its honestly exhausting and social situations are draining. Makes me feel awful too.
When I was being diagnosed they noted that I'm an extreme 'copier' down to voice, tone and movements. They explained to me what masking was then, and said what I was doing was masking to fit in to a social setting more.