Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi There All
I was diagnosed with ASD (Asperger's) in March and it was no surprise to me as I've always felt and acted differently to everyone around me... Even tho it's taken until the age of 31 finally to get others to notice the problems that I have with social interaction and learning difficulties. I spend most of my time with my neurotypical daughter who is just to turn 4 and am finding it difficult to explain to her why mummy cant do the things like going to the park or take her anywhere on my own without my own mother having to be with us due to the fact I get so flustered and anxious when I'm out of my own home.
Has anyone got any advice or been in my place as to how I explain to her in terms in which she might possibly understand as I'm not very good with words?
Thanks for reading my post and hope to hear from you soon
Thank you for your reply Aidie.
I'm already trying to get her focused on learn as it'll do more good for her in the long run.
I just hope that when she's older she'll think as positively about me as you do about your mum.
she will understand. Dont think of being a negative "not so good" mum. More ur daughter is getting a uniques experience and will grow up knowing more about autiism than the average person. I was raised by an autistic mum she was the best ever, fearless, highly focused on getting me an education ( which worked BTW ). Autustic mums are great. My mum would bring home a new pet for no reason at all. I loved the stream of animals includng a wounded seagull who happily lived with a guinea pig for months before flying off one day . A day I will never forget.
She's already asking questions tho as to why I can't do certain things or why do I acted in certain ways...
I wouldn't want to confuse or worry her, and she probably doesn't need to know all of it at 4 years old.
Just tell her that you like grandma coming along. Shes just 4 years old she doesn't need to worry about the ins and outs of asd just yet. Do plenty of things indoors to keep her occupied. Make play dough or salt dough together (recipe on line). Play hide and seek with her favourite toy. Make forts with sheets or cardboard boxes. Do you have a garden? Loads to keep a 4 year old occupied. All the best
Yes that's too much for a 4 year old. 1 do you want to confuse and worry her. 2 does she need to know all of that, shes only 4
Hello and welcome.
I don't have children but I was 18 when my youngest brother was born but things were a little easier as he was more like me then I was! I mean... We were once on a tourist train and he was upset that other people were in the same coach. I had to explain that there was only one coach on the train... (I am not too keen on crowds myself. Somehow back then I used to work on trains, though I did have the luxury of the cab to resort to so I could be alone to recover. Couldn't do the job if it wasn't for that and looking back, I don't know how I did it).
Yes. It was easier as my youngest brother was a lot like me in that respect. We would much prefer a lonely beach in a storm to a crowded place.
Actually, maybe rollercoaster rides are a better example? Some people love them whilst they make others terrified.
Perhaps you can arrange substitute activities for going to the park? Can you get to some open land that is deserted where you can play ball with her?
Welcome!x
You could explain how some people get scared of some things (such as spiders or thunder) but other people don't, and you get a bit scared going out where there are lots of people.
your welcome im happy to help
Hi NAS66795
Thank you for your reply.... I may have to talk to her about it in chunks as she is still only 4, and I'm only just getting my head around how diagnosis makes myself feel.
Thank you once again
first tell her what is
The name of Asperger Syndrome has recently been changed because it is clear that there is a range of difficulties that children, young people and adults have. Not everyone who was said to have Asperger syndrome has the same difficulties, and some have much more difficult lives than others.
Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) can think well and learn about lots of things as easily as other children, but they have problems:
then tell her how pepole with asd communicate with others
Children with ASD can hear what others say to them, and they know what the words mean, but they don't pick up the 'non-verbal' part of communication, so they often don't get the full message.
Kids can talk well but they get confused a lot because they do not understand the feelings that other people have.
Kids may have problems understanding that they have to listen as well as talk.
its gonna be hard saying all of this but you can do it
then tell her social skils
They may need a lot of understanding and kindness.
thats it if she wants to here more tell her more
Their behaviourThey are often really interested in some things, like computers, reading and making things.They can be obsessive about something they are interested in and don't understand that others are not as interested.Their behaviour can seem a bit 'different or unusual', or it can be really difficult and sometimes they get very upset and aggressive.They might be called 'eccentric', which means a bit odd, and different to other people.They may be upset by some noises or smells, or by what some things feel like or look like. For example they might hate the feel of shoes on their feet, how sand feels or refuse to wear anything that is red.They like things to happen the same way all of the time, so they may get upset when lesson times are changed, or they have to move to a new desk in the classroom.They can get angry or aggressive when things don't happen as and when they want.They tend to have rules and ways of doing things that they think everyone else should follow, and they can get angry when others don't follow their rules.They don't do 'small talk'. Chatting about things like who won a sports match is not likely to be of interest to them.
Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) are not a disease and you can't catch them from anyone.
The person's genes have something to do with it, and maybe something happened before the child was born.
Children have ASD from the time they are born, but often they are at school before it is worked out that the difficulties they are having are due to ASD.
There appears to be an increase in the number of people who are diagnosed with ASD. This is probably because more is known about it nowadays and people who used to be thought of as strange and antisocial are now being diagnosed as having ASD.
Asperger syndrome was named after the children's doctor, Dr Hans Asperger of Vienna who published his research into autism in 1944.
It is thought that Sir Isaac Newton, a genius who lived many years ago, possibly had ASD. It has been said that he hardly spoke, had few friends and was often bad-tempered around them. He often became so involved in his work (the science of physics) that he forgot to eat. Not everyone agrees that he had ASD. you might want to wait till she gets older for her to understand
ASD is not a disease so it can't be cured, but people with ASD do learn more about other people as they get older.
Many people who have ASD belong to groups with others who also have it and they are able to understand and support each other.
If someone in your family or in your class at school has ASD then you can help by:
Most kids with ASD go to main-stream schools. This can be scary for them. Having to cope with changes all the time when you feel more comfortable with the same things happening in the same place can be really upsetting.
A few kids cannot cope with school and stay at home where they are home schooled.
All kids want friends so if you know someone at school or at home who has ASD try to be patient and kind. After all, it could easily have been you who was born with the problem. None of us can choose our genes, our parents, or the place where we are born.
We all have feelings and we all live in the same world. Let's make it a kind and friendly place for everyone.
That’s the best thing anyone can give. The great thing with this community chat is you can always ask others for advice and help. And from what I’ve seen so far, people are very friendly and helpful on here. Maybe speak to you on another subject soon. Take care
Hi TelNorfolk
Thank you for your reply. I give her lots of love even when she is driving me mad lol.
Take care
Hello there,
It must be really difficult. Like I said to someone the other day on here, I haven’t got kids myself, so I don’t feel I’m in a position to give great advice. But there will be people on here that will be able to offer you advice I’m sure. But the best connection you can give your daughter is love, and I’m sure you give her lots of that. So she will appreciate that more than anything. Take care.