Hello I am having some thoughts of wanting to harm someone in which I do not really mean to because I am sick and tired of everyone not understanding other people's issues like anger issues and other problems and when they say that the world is as as it is when the world should change for the better and I am not asking people or the world to be perfect but I just want no more violence, war, people telling others what to do with their own lives and bodies, no more negatives, no more pain and suffering and I think some more too I would not like in this world anymore like birth defects or disabilities sorry to say this as I do not want to end up offending anybody but I just wish that some people were not born with disabilities because it would be nice if everyone would be more independent and be able to do more things for themselves. I really need help please as it is getting out of control.
“I did my A-levels, my degree and my masters degree while also bringing up a young child on my own and working part time to support us and while I’m proud of that achievement, it was really really hard work!”
With regard to the smoking, have tried vaping? I finally managed to give up, after many attempts and over 40 years of smoking, by switching to vaping. I treated it as not being able to get my favourite brand and changing to another. Using the liquid called British Tobacco Flavour, at the maximum 18 strength worked for me. The brand is called Edge.
I know that I worry about things too much and I am sorry about that but that is just the way I am and that I just want young people to be allowed to make more decisions for themselves regardless of when they say that the brain is not fully developed until the age of 25 because I don't like people thinking that young people cannot make decisions for themselves or trying to stop them from making decisions and mistakes for themselves as young people are still capable of making decisions for themselves when they are allowed to make these decisions for themselves. The authorities I am talking about is the government and the professionals I think in which are telling me and other young adults what to do in which I want to finally end.
You don't need to be sorry about worrying. It's something you need help with, not to apologise for. 18 year olds are allowed to make a lot of decisions for themselves. But there are people that try and guide them to making the right decisions. Surely you would rather that than end up making a mistake that could ultimately ruin your life? I do understand you can't just change your way of thinking and it is really hard to have the same thoughts going round and round. But trying to turn round the situation to see the good things for 18 year olds might really help you. Why not make a list of all the positives for that age group instead of just the negatives?
Your questions are interesting questions, and many people have given them considerable thought over very many years. The unvarnished truth is that there is no single right answer to these questions, only what is considered to be generally socially acceptable in a particular place and time. The laws that we have in the UK are the current "official consensus" that the UK has arrived at to this point. This consensus can, and has, changed over time. Also the "official consensus" differs in different countries, and sometimes even in different regions within countries. In the UK for example, I believe the laws on abortion differ in the different "provinces."
Another aspect is that in some places, the local consensus within certain social groups may differ from the "official consensus". An example of this that springs to mind is certain social groups accepting young girls becoming married and having sexual relations, which may or may not be consensual, even though the local "official consensus" is that such things shouldn't happen and is illegal. There was a story about this in the news last year but I don't recall the full details, of which country the particular story was about or which social group was involved.
Another question which some people debate is whether the current "law making bodies" in any particular country/region actually even have a right to make and enforce such pronouncements. That relates to concepts like the idea of "sovereignty" etc. which has cropped up a lot in the recent debates on Brexit.
The ages of which the prohibition for certain activities, e.g. smoking, sex, are lifted is, to some degree, fairly arbitrary and inevitably a compromise. The way the law works however is that it needs to be precise and unambiguous, as much as possible, whether an offence under a particular law has been committed or not. In the case of the sorts of things you are talking about the easiest way to define that is to specify a particular age. The arbitrariness/compromise of the situation however means that inevitably this age is set too high for some people - they would be "mentally capable" of doing such things at a younger age. The flip side however is that for some people the age set is actually set too young, and they would benefit from a few more years of "mental maturity" before they embarked on these things. Unfortunately legislating to take that into consideration would be incredibly difficult, and would be difficult to implement which is why things are the way the are. One of the ways this difficulty is handled is that the Police and the Crown Prosecution Service are given a certain amount of latitude to decide whether or not a prosecution for any particular offence should be brought and whether or not it would "be within the public interest". Sometimes they may decide that a caution would be more warranted, or they may just talk to people about what they did, or they may decide that there is no need to take things any further. Which action they take will very much depend on the offence, the people involved, how various people reacted to things etc.
Perhaps some people might be able to give examples of where they undertook activities that they were legally allowed to do, and to which they consented at the time, but which with hindsight they felt they weren't yet old enough to fully understand what they were getting into, and they may have wished they had waited?
One thing I don't know if you've thought about, is that there is a flip-side to these things - part of society granting rights to do certain things also comes with certain implied responsibilities. For example, at the age of 16 people in the UK are generally allowed to have sex, and provided there is consent at the time, then no offence is committed if two people over the age of 16 have sex. But having sex can have certain impacts on people, and along with the right to have sex comes with it the assumption that people who are legally having sex will accept and deal with any consequences that may arise from doing that.
Another thing that I don't know if you've considered or not, is that these sorts of laws are rarely enacted by legislative bodies without some sort of good reasons or motivating occurrences behind them. If you are interested in pursuing changes to these sorts of things, then I would recommend researching the history and reasons of why the laws you want to change were enacted in the first place, and how they may already have changed over time. As with many things, it can sometimes happen that changes made without fully considering all the possible ramifications may end up:
* "throwing out the baby with the bath water" - i.e. there was a perfectly legitimate thing the law was trying to protect against, but ill-considered changes may allow the undesirable thing that they were brought in to protect against to start occurring again,
* Changes can have unanticipated consequences which may turn out to be bad problems themselves.
I think it's good that you giving thought to a lot of these things, because coming to terms with them in your own way is a large part of becoming a socially responsible adult.
Hi Sholay, it sounds like maybe your mum is struggling to adapt to you being an adult and responsible for your own decisions. I think this is something everyone goes through in their late teens/early twenties where they want to make all their own decisions but the parents are still trying to make decisions for them. I’m sure your mum is only doing that because she cares about you and doesn’t want you to make bad decisions and suffer the consequences of those, she’s just being protective. Hopefully in time though she will come to accept that you are now an adult and responsible for making your own choices, I’m sure she’ll get there in the end. It’s hard though, as a mum, just because your child is an adult doesn’t mean you stop wanting to look after them and protect them like you always have :-)
Thank you Graham, lucky I can be very focused when I need to be.
Thanks also for the smoking/vaping advice. Well done for managing to give up smoking!I have to say my husband is frequently trying to convert me to vaping as he successfully quit smoking using vapes back in early 2013. They clearly work very well for some people. Unfortunately, I can’t get on with them, the nicotine gum is the method I find best. I think really I still want to smoke but I don’t want the bad health effects I know it will bring so I figured if I chew the nicotine gum regularly then I can have the odd cigarette 2/3 times a week (with minimal impact on health) without going back to smoking full time. Hopefully at some point I’ll have the motivation to give up completely.