Hello I am having some thoughts of wanting to harm someone in which I do not really mean to because I am sick and tired of everyone not understanding other people's issues like anger issues and other problems and when they say that the world is as as it is when the world should change for the better and I am not asking people or the world to be perfect but I just want no more violence, war, people telling others what to do with their own lives and bodies, no more negatives, no more pain and suffering and I think some more too I would not like in this world anymore like birth defects or disabilities sorry to say this as I do not want to end up offending anybody but I just wish that some people were not born with disabilities because it would be nice if everyone would be more independent and be able to do more things for themselves. I really need help please as it is getting out of control.
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re suffering these anger issues. I guess all of us struggle to understand something which we have not experienced ourselves, this might explain some of the apparent lack of understanding into how you are feeling. Speaking generally I do know that repetitive thinking about anything can get pretty exhausting so i’d guess that these thoughts are probably consuming you quite a lot, and that sounds like it’s quite overwhelming for you? The world is enough of a confusing place at 20 without all the extra ASD issues on top!
Firstly, please don’t harm anyone, that is not going to resolve anything for you and would lead to you having less choices and freedom than you have now. I can see that Graham has given you some really useful links which I hope you find helpful, I’m also really glad that you’ve contacted your GP about seeking proper mental health services as I feel this could really benefit you. If your thoughts are so intense and out of control that you think that you might act on them then please contact your local mental health crisis team ASAP (you can find their number on google) this service runs 24/7 and they should send someone to assess you today and put a support plan in place immediately.
Secondly, you speak of frustration about other people not understanding other people’s issues. As I said earlier, I think we can all struggle to ‘get’ something that we don’t experience ourselves. I wonder also if this is more common for autistic people in as much as NT’s seem to just instinctively ‘get’ what each other are going through, so’d i’d guess that NT’s also feel understood as they’re conversing with other NTs who have an instinctive ability to read emotions. Being autistic is so much more of a mine field for understanding/being understood. Because we can’t instinctively feel other people’s emotions and infer their mental states/thoughts we have to guess, usually based on our own experience of how certain situations have/do make us feel. Unfortunately, this is somewhat like a blind person attempting to complete a really complex maze unaided (the one at Hampton court palace springs to mind!!!) in that metaphorically you end up staggering around and bumping into things a lot and going the wrong way a lot and going round in circles etc. So basically we get it wrong a lot or we just don’t ‘get’ it. Trying to make oneself understand as an autistic person also is very frustrating, NTs don’t understand us as their brains are wired differently and other autistic people may try to understand us but struggle to fully see what someone else is experiencing. I know personally that one thing that causes arguments with my husband is when I am trying to explain my point of view to him, a view that differs from his own, and I explain it in the most black and white ‘as it is’ way possible so I think ‘surely he can understand this’, but he still doesn’t get it, no matter how many times I try to re-explain in an even simpler way and I just end up like Aaaarrrggghhhhhh!!!! So I get that it’s frustrating when we can’t make other people see our own point of view.
Thirdly, would you like to tell me in a bit more detail, what all these things are that you are getting annoyed about? You mention wanting the world to change for the better and no more war or violence. That is understandable, it’s difficult for one person to change the world BUT I do wonder if you were able to make little steps towards helping the world to change for the better then you might feel less frustrated about things and it may help focus your energy into something more positive. I know that https://www.change.org/ do a lot of petitions about various causes, once they get above a certain number of e-signatures then a petition has to be considered in the House of Commons. Why not take a look and see if you can make little steps towards changing the world for the better.
You speak also about not feeling that you are able to make your own choices and decisions, in what way do you feel that your choices and decisions and freedom are being restricted?
Well with certain age restrictions like with on adoption and surrogacy still having a higher age of 21 or 25 in some other countries. I sometimes wish that these things and some more other things were all age 18 as it is the age we become adults and can do a whole loads of stuff like get married, buy and drink alcohol, buy cigarettes, buy and watch porn, serve in a jury or apply to be a judge even and also be able to book a hotel or a cruise. It is when people disapprove of me saying that I am old enough to make my own choices when people have said that people who are over the age of 18 are really old enough and capable of making their own choices. Also I would like for everything including like adult rights or things and freedom to be age 18 or 21 and nothing to have any higher age restrictions like some dating sites or speed dating events for an example to have a minimum age of 25. Also the reason why I feel restricted on making my choices and wanting to have more freedom to do what I want because of everyone or nearly everyone says that I cannot make any decisions for myself and when they also say that it is not my decision and when they like intervene with mine and other people's lives who are my age in which nobody should be intervening with other people's lives. Also everyone should understand that it is my body at the end of the day and what I want to do with it like if I want to like smoke or drink or have a child now or in the near future it would be my choice and nobody else's at all. Also if people want to have kids in their late teens or 20s then that is also their choice and body too. I don't really think that anything would really stop 18 and 19 year olds from wanting to get pregnant or have kids either.
Celebrate your youth. You will get older naturally. You will not get younger.
I know that but I feel like I cannot enjoy the rest of my youth unless things start changing for me like no more pressure or stress was to be put upon me. Also I want to be allowed to enjoy my youth more like be allowed to have more fun as much as I want and without anyone including the authorities telling me what to do either as I can make more decisions for myself because it is not like I am five years old when I could not make decisions for myself before but now that I am much older that I finally can. I just need to have more power and that courage to stand up for myself more effectively.
To throw a scientific view on this. The brain doesn't actually fully develop until at least 25. The rational part (the part of the brain that helps think through decisions) is one of the last part of the brain to properly develop. This may be one of the reasons for the higher age restrictions.
Adoption and surrogacy are huge things to do. And the big issue with both of these is the person deciding to do it isn't the person most affected, the child is. Great care therefore has to be taken to make sure these children get the best. This isn't to say that no 18 year old would be capable of doing this. I'm sure many would do a fantastic job. Kitsun goes into further detail about surrogacy below. With regard to adoption it is a life long commitment and one that has to be thought about very seriously. Most 18 year olds will be straight out of school and will not yet be in the position that they could provide what is needed. If it is something that is very important to them then waiting a few years is not much.
There is more to being an adult than just a number. I certainly was not ready to be an adult at 18. I was not responsible enough. So I went away to university for 3 years. I was a very different person by 21 and I'm a very different person by nearly 30. I still don't feel like an adult though.
What fun are you being stopped from having in your youth? What are authorities telling you to do?
I think you are putting a lot of stress on yourself. You are worrying about a lot of very big issues. Most of which you don't have control over. Can I make a suggestion that maybe you pick one or two issues that you would like to make a difference in and concentrate on them? Then maybe you could do something good and not feel so overwhelmed.
I also think a hobby that you can channel your energy into would be really helpful for you.
I know you want everyone to agree with you and that you find it frustrating when they don't. But we are all different and have all had different experiences of life so we are not always going to agree. So please don't take this post as someone arguing with your view. It's simply a different way of looking at a situation.
I know that I worry about things too much and I am sorry about that but that is just the way I am and that I just want young people to be allowed to make more decisions for themselves regardless of when they say that the brain is not fully developed until the age of 25 because I don't like people thinking that young people cannot make decisions for themselves or trying to stop them from making decisions and mistakes for themselves as young people are still capable of making decisions for themselves when they are allowed to make these decisions for themselves. The authorities I am talking about is the government and the professionals I think in which are telling me and other young adults what to do in which I want to finally end.
You don't need to be sorry about worrying. It's something you need help with, not to apologise for. 18 year olds are allowed to make a lot of decisions for themselves. But there are people that try and guide them to making the right decisions. Surely you would rather that than end up making a mistake that could ultimately ruin your life? I do understand you can't just change your way of thinking and it is really hard to have the same thoughts going round and round. But trying to turn round the situation to see the good things for 18 year olds might really help you. Why not make a list of all the positives for that age group instead of just the negatives?