Wanting to hurt someone

Hello I am having some thoughts of wanting to harm someone in which I do not really mean to because I am sick and tired of everyone not understanding other people's issues like anger issues and other problems and when they say that the world is as as it is when the world should change for the better and I am not asking people or the world to be perfect but I just want no more violence, war, people telling others what to do with their own lives and bodies, no more negatives, no more pain and suffering and I think some more too I would not like in this world anymore like birth defects or disabilities sorry to say this as I do not want to end up offending anybody but I just wish that some people were not born with disabilities because it would be nice if everyone would be more independent and be able to do more things for themselves. I really need help please as it is getting out of control.

Parents
  • Hi Sholay,

    I’m really sorry to hear that you’re suffering these anger issues. I guess all of us struggle to understand something which we have not experienced ourselves, this might explain some of the apparent lack of understanding into how you are feeling. Speaking generally I do know that repetitive thinking about anything can get pretty exhausting so i’d guess that these thoughts are probably consuming you quite a lot, and that sounds like it’s quite overwhelming for you? The world is enough of a confusing place at 20 without all the extra ASD issues on top!

    Firstly, please don’t harm anyone, that is not going to resolve anything for you and would lead to you having less choices and   freedom than you have now. I can see that Former Member has given you some really useful links which I hope you find helpful, I’m also really glad that you’ve contacted your GP about seeking proper mental health services as I feel this could really benefit you. If your thoughts are so intense and out of control that you think that you might act on them then please contact your local mental health crisis team ASAP (you can find their number on google) this service runs 24/7 and they should send someone to assess you today and put a support plan in place immediately.

    Secondly, you speak of frustration about other people not understanding other people’s issues. As I said earlier, I think we can all struggle to ‘get’ something that we don’t experience ourselves. I wonder also if this is more common for autistic people in as much as NT’s seem to just instinctively ‘get’ what each other are going through, so’d i’d guess that NT’s also feel understood as they’re conversing with other NTs who have an instinctive ability to read emotions. Being autistic is so much more of a mine field for understanding/being understood. Because we can’t instinctively feel other people’s emotions and infer their mental states/thoughts we have to guess, usually based on our own experience of how certain situations have/do make us feel. Unfortunately, this is somewhat like a blind person attempting to complete a really complex maze unaided (the one at Hampton court palace springs to mind!!!) in that metaphorically you end up staggering around and bumping into things a lot and going the wrong way a lot and going round in circles etc. So basically we get it wrong a lot or we just don’t ‘get’ it. Trying to make oneself understand as an autistic person also is very frustrating, NTs don’t understand us as their brains are wired differently and other autistic people may try to understand us but struggle to fully see what someone else is experiencing. I know personally that one thing that causes arguments with my husband is when I am trying to explain my point of view to him, a view that differs from his own, and I explain it in the most black and white ‘as it is’ way possible so I think ‘surely he can understand this’, but he still doesn’t get it, no matter how many times I try to re-explain in an even simpler way and I just end up like Aaaarrrggghhhhhh!!!! So I get that it’s frustrating when we can’t make other people see our own point of view.

    Thirdly, would you like to tell me in a bit more detail, what all these things are that you are getting annoyed about? You mention wanting the world to change for the better and no more war or violence. That is understandable, it’s difficult for one person to change the world BUT I do wonder if you were able to make little steps towards helping the world to change for the better then you might feel less frustrated about things and it may help focus your energy into something more positive. I know that https://www.change.org/ do a lot of petitions about various causes, once they get above a certain number of e-signatures then a petition has to be considered in the House of Commons. Why not take a look and see if you can make little steps towards changing the world for the better.

    You speak also about not feeling that you are able to make your own choices and decisions, in what way do you feel that your choices and decisions and freedom are being restricted?

Reply
  • Hi Sholay,

    I’m really sorry to hear that you’re suffering these anger issues. I guess all of us struggle to understand something which we have not experienced ourselves, this might explain some of the apparent lack of understanding into how you are feeling. Speaking generally I do know that repetitive thinking about anything can get pretty exhausting so i’d guess that these thoughts are probably consuming you quite a lot, and that sounds like it’s quite overwhelming for you? The world is enough of a confusing place at 20 without all the extra ASD issues on top!

    Firstly, please don’t harm anyone, that is not going to resolve anything for you and would lead to you having less choices and   freedom than you have now. I can see that Former Member has given you some really useful links which I hope you find helpful, I’m also really glad that you’ve contacted your GP about seeking proper mental health services as I feel this could really benefit you. If your thoughts are so intense and out of control that you think that you might act on them then please contact your local mental health crisis team ASAP (you can find their number on google) this service runs 24/7 and they should send someone to assess you today and put a support plan in place immediately.

    Secondly, you speak of frustration about other people not understanding other people’s issues. As I said earlier, I think we can all struggle to ‘get’ something that we don’t experience ourselves. I wonder also if this is more common for autistic people in as much as NT’s seem to just instinctively ‘get’ what each other are going through, so’d i’d guess that NT’s also feel understood as they’re conversing with other NTs who have an instinctive ability to read emotions. Being autistic is so much more of a mine field for understanding/being understood. Because we can’t instinctively feel other people’s emotions and infer their mental states/thoughts we have to guess, usually based on our own experience of how certain situations have/do make us feel. Unfortunately, this is somewhat like a blind person attempting to complete a really complex maze unaided (the one at Hampton court palace springs to mind!!!) in that metaphorically you end up staggering around and bumping into things a lot and going the wrong way a lot and going round in circles etc. So basically we get it wrong a lot or we just don’t ‘get’ it. Trying to make oneself understand as an autistic person also is very frustrating, NTs don’t understand us as their brains are wired differently and other autistic people may try to understand us but struggle to fully see what someone else is experiencing. I know personally that one thing that causes arguments with my husband is when I am trying to explain my point of view to him, a view that differs from his own, and I explain it in the most black and white ‘as it is’ way possible so I think ‘surely he can understand this’, but he still doesn’t get it, no matter how many times I try to re-explain in an even simpler way and I just end up like Aaaarrrggghhhhhh!!!! So I get that it’s frustrating when we can’t make other people see our own point of view.

    Thirdly, would you like to tell me in a bit more detail, what all these things are that you are getting annoyed about? You mention wanting the world to change for the better and no more war or violence. That is understandable, it’s difficult for one person to change the world BUT I do wonder if you were able to make little steps towards helping the world to change for the better then you might feel less frustrated about things and it may help focus your energy into something more positive. I know that https://www.change.org/ do a lot of petitions about various causes, once they get above a certain number of e-signatures then a petition has to be considered in the House of Commons. Why not take a look and see if you can make little steps towards changing the world for the better.

    You speak also about not feeling that you are able to make your own choices and decisions, in what way do you feel that your choices and decisions and freedom are being restricted?

Children