Hello I am feeling quite anxious about going into the new year because I still got the feeling that nothing will ever change for the better for me and I am still worried about what the new year is going to bring. Also I really hate it when no one seems to care about me or understand me at all and this is really wrong and bad as I should not be treated unfairly or differently from everyone else as we all have the same emotions, needs and wants. I know that we are all different but still it is not nice for anyone to be treated horribly either and unfortunately I am still being treated horribly now and I desperately want things to change and for me to finally have a good life but I feel like I don't know what to do anymore as I sometimes feel like I don't want to be on this earth anymore as I feel like just giving up now trying to get people to help me and understand me. I just want people to say helpful and kind things to me and I want kind and caring people around me too.
There are many autistic rights group like Autistic UK, Spectrum women on Fb as well as the NAS. Then there are other disability support and campaign groups. Being part of something bigger helps me to feel stronger.
At times I also feel alone and suicidal, vulnerable and lonely but that's due to trying to fit into a neuro typical world. I do have a crisis plan and am on medication. I used to be a teaching assistant for eight and a half years in a Secondary school, until the stress became too much. You are not alone.
I am sorry you are feeling anxious about the new year and how you are treated at college. You may like to contact our Autism Helpline team who could provide you with information and advice about your situation. You can contact the team via telephone on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 9am to 3pm). Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an advisor. Alternatively, should you prefer to send a message, you can do so via their webform:
Also you might find help through this link - follow it to the bottom of the page it gives information about further and higher education rights through Disability Rights UK's website: https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/education-rights/legal.aspx
I don't think such feelings will ever go away. The only thing we can do is try to learn how to manage to live with these feelings. For me, every day feels like a battlefield inside my head with the negative thoughts, feeling like life is pointless, feeling like things will never change, feeling like all I am is a burden to others while I seem to feel like all I do is fail. It's not easy but the simple truth is this, as long as I'm alive there is a chance for things to change for the better so I endure and gamble on that change even though I'm aware there's no guarantee it will happen. If I choose to give up now, I choose to give up on myself, who I am, my potential, the person I'm capable of becoming, etc. Life is not easy and it never will be but I choose to continue enduring even when life may seem at its worst so that maybe one day I will reach a point in my life where I will feel that maybe all the difficulties, challenges, pain and suffering that we face in life may be worth something and have meaning. I will never give up on that possibility or myself because more than that it also means that I have made the choice to allow those that cause pain and suffering to beat me. They will never beat me as long as I have the will and determination to keep moving forward and enduring whatever challenges I continue to face in my life.
I wish you all the best for your future and hope that you will find the strength within you, that dim flicker of light within the darkness, and come to realise just what sort of person you can become. I choose to believe in you, to believe in the strength of that light within you, and in time I hope it's enough to help you find your way in life. I have found my strength but I am still searching for meaning so I will simply continue my journey as I take one step after another.