Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello I am feeling quite anxious about going into the new year because I still got the feeling that nothing will ever change for the better for me and I am still worried about what the new year is going to bring. Also I really hate it when no one seems to care about me or understand me at all and this is really wrong and bad as I should not be treated unfairly or differently from everyone else as we all have the same emotions, needs and wants. I know that we are all different but still it is not nice for anyone to be treated horribly either and unfortunately I am still being treated horribly now and I desperately want things to change and for me to finally have a good life but I feel like I don't know what to do anymore as I sometimes feel like I don't want to be on this earth anymore as I feel like just giving up now trying to get people to help me and understand me. I just want people to say helpful and kind things to me and I want kind and caring people around me too.
Hello,
I don't think such feelings will ever go away. The only thing we can do is try to learn how to manage to live with these feelings. For me, every day feels like a battlefield inside my head with the negative thoughts, feeling like life is pointless, feeling like things will never change, feeling like all I am is a burden to others while I seem to feel like all I do is fail. It's not easy but the simple truth is this, as long as I'm alive there is a chance for things to change for the better so I endure and gamble on that change even though I'm aware there's no guarantee it will happen. If I choose to give up now, I choose to give up on myself, who I am, my potential, the person I'm capable of becoming, etc. Life is not easy and it never will be but I choose to continue enduring even when life may seem at its worst so that maybe one day I will reach a point in my life where I will feel that maybe all the difficulties, challenges, pain and suffering that we face in life may be worth something and have meaning. I will never give up on that possibility or myself because more than that it also means that I have made the choice to allow those that cause pain and suffering to beat me. They will never beat me as long as I have the will and determination to keep moving forward and enduring whatever challenges I continue to face in my life.
I wish you all the best for your future and hope that you will find the strength within you, that dim flicker of light within the darkness, and come to realise just what sort of person you can become. I choose to believe in you, to believe in the strength of that light within you, and in time I hope it's enough to help you find your way in life. I have found my strength but I am still searching for meaning so I will simply continue my journey as I take one step after another.
Hi Sholay09,
I am sorry you are feeling anxious about the new year and how you are treated at college. You may like to contact our Autism Helpline team who could provide you with information and advice about your situation. You can contact the team via telephone on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 9am to 3pm). Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an advisor. Alternatively, should you prefer to send a message, you can do so via their webform:
https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx
Also you might find help through this link - follow it to the bottom of the page it gives information about further and higher education rights through Disability Rights UK's website: https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/education-rights/legal.aspx
Kind regards,
Heather -Mod
At times I also feel alone and suicidal, vulnerable and lonely but that's due to trying to fit into a neuro typical world. I do have a crisis plan and am on medication. I used to be a teaching assistant for eight and a half years in a Secondary school, until the stress became too much. You are not alone.
There are many autistic rights group like Autistic UK, Spectrum women on Fb as well as the NAS. Then there are other disability support and campaign groups. Being part of something bigger helps me to feel stronger.
Good now that is fighting talk, yes I totally agree as I am finding a lot of discrimination against people like us in our society. Many Gay friends were lonely and isolated like us in the mid 1980's. Some were forced to move out of college accommodation because of abuse. Like them we have to stand tall and proud as people.
Ok thank you for helping me and yes it is other people like students and professionals that belittle and make fun of me too. I still feel suicidal and I feel like just giving up on life now.
What do you do for fun? What do you like to do if you have the choice?
Are these people professionals or other students who say these things? They are not aware that autism can affect communication and perception. However seeing things differently is a gift even if neuro typical don't get it. I used to stand up for my rights which made me feel better when being belittled or bullied. There are many autistic support groups out there.
I know we cannot always change the way things are and setting myself a goal is important but these things I have talked about above have got to change and be sorted out somehow like being bullied and made fun of too as these things should not or cannot keep going on for me forever or for the rest of my life as that would be bad and wrong.
Sometimes we can't change the way things are but we can keep going and find ways to get through. When I have depressed feelings and feel isolated I hug my Teddy, then go for a walk and watch the world around me. When I look back I am amazed at the things I achieved and so are the health professionals. Setting yourself a goal is important.
I am struggling with both emotions and studies and I am sick of tired of people still not listening to what I am saying and when they said that I need to start understanding and agreeing with myself when I find that quite rude and unhelpful as I am being treated unfairly and differently there. I really need more hope and I will not change or become more better and these feelings will not pass unless everyone was to start listening to me and understanding me more and also agreeing with me more too on certain things and they was to start to treat me more better as this is unfair.
Yes trying to find support is difficult, what are you struggling with, studies, emotions or both. As an undergraduate I struggled with both, not knowing I was autistic. I also befriended others on the edge within the Gay community because I could sense my difference. Somehow I came through like you will, thee is always a glimmer of light, even in the darkest night.
Sorry but I have still got the feeling that these things will never pass and that life will never get better for me. I just want people to give me more help and to be more helpful to me. I am at college.
Hi, are you at College or Uni? I think that you have a lot of gifts and talents. Winter can be a lonely time especially if you have autism but don't be afraid. I am also lonely at times at fifty two, having been diagnosed on the ASD spectrum. These feelings will pass, focus on what you are good at like your art. I love poetry, music and politics. Take care and be gentle with yourself today.