Adult regression

Someone said if I unmask? I can’t mask anymore it makes me depressed (burnout) really quick now instead of being a couple of weeks or months it’s hours now it’s horrible because no matter how hard I try to get on with my ex it will backfire within days at a push I’ve distanced myself now to avoid it give us both some space and see how that goes I can’t see any other way? 

Honestly I’m a completely different person I pace up and down on the phone and can not stop fidgeting I always have wen in conversation with my ex but I thought it was adhd but it’s not wen she tells me to stop that’s it I’m thinking about that for the rest of the conversation and it just turns into another fidget stroke the back of my neck or tap my foot. Alway thought it was adhd but now it’s worse if I’m anxious I’m doing it on the phone I’m pacing up and down in shops on the phone I end up forgetting and end up the total wrong end of the shop altogether that’s happened for years but even that is worse I can’t even use phone in a shop now I’ll be rude by mistake getting annoyed people walking to slow I always did but put up with it and got on with it but now I can’t at all I’m wanting to push past but I know it’s not acceptable and hold it in making me bit mad but I don’t show I hate going in shops I really do now it’s ruining my life I don’t understand how I’ve missed this out so badly I really don’t I just thought everyone is the same but it’s not normal 

Male 36 had one trauma after the next dad passed then best friend died then cancer then a relationship breakdown I’ve tryed to hide my feelings about all of it to my ex partner trying and trying to change I actually did loads but with every no it hit me hard trying I have 2 kids with her also autistic it come to a point I started to say and act stupid found myself confused easy misunderstanding everything then realised I can’t spell anymore when writing with a pen or can’t read or understand complicated words every word is blunt with no thought and I suddenly don’t like to be touched anymore noises irritate me I can’t be in a room and listen to 2 people talking or even hold down a conversation if the dog is licking water out the bowl or if a fan is on it’s terrible sudden noise scares me I’ve never been this bad can’t wait in shops hate being in crowded places intimidating me too many people it’s all the things I must have blocked out from childhood I get mixed up easy with people saying things honestly I’ve never been like this from as far back as I can remember well I remember learning how to keep still in a shop without walking out and lots of other things and I don’t like to be touched anyway but it’s intense now and seems to be the back half of my body wen it’s unexpected I recon if someone was to grab me by the shoulder I’d probably lash out it’s got to be regression the black and white thinking is so bad I take the information in the same way 

How old? Gender? 

I gather menopause can have a huge impact. Did  on me but the research is scant.

Otherwise life events can pull out autistic responses we 'd otherwise efficiently mask. Stress could be major factor.

Yes, that can be the case too - if you relax and unmask, be your true self, people will probably feel you have regressed, because you aren't being normal enough anymore.

Maybe it's not regression but finally not having to mask?

Don't get dragged down by people who dismiss what you know is true, you can't make them accept it.

Gaslighting is an example of this, making people feel they have got something wrong when deep down they know they were right, it causes confusion and doubt that opens you up to more, or worse.

Sorry you are going through that, and your kids - what is the access situation?  If she controls it, you, them, then best to consider supervised access or access without her around.

Well my ex partner does not even believe a single word I say and thinks I have learning disabilities or npd yes my behaviour has been bad I’ve done certain things but didn’t think of wot and how I’d make the other person feel I thought I was mentally ill and a quick adhd follow up and being truthful led to my diagnosis but I’ve lost everything now I have 2 kids also on the spectrum but my ex is so hard to get along with just horrible situation just makes everything worse because I just hide everything that makes me feel uncomfortable and pretend it’s not happening not healthy really need to find an expert for help to try and get my skills back my black and white thinking and speaking is the worst and my facial expressions don’t line up I look like I’ve got a problem wen I haven’t but looks so real to other people need it fixed I was never like this it’s the last say 16 months or so 

I relate to much of what you say here. I sort of feel just numb and kind of just waste days away to a massive extent now more than ever.

Some days I feel so tired and burned out I can't barely do anything. I had an awful time during school in retrospect. Its actually painful and I'm full of regret, even anger, that the system failed me in some unfair way.

I'm considered relatively mild on the spectrum.

I've probably got mental health issues that are separate to autism but coalesce into a vicious double whammy. Nobody understood it. Not even myself. How weird is it not to understand MYSELF! I can often hate myself for it.

In brief I ended up suspended from my first school near the end of Year 2 and found myself in a completely inappropriate special school that effectively destroyed my education. Yes, I genuinely believe it was the moment everything went to hell, and I played constant catch up with my mainstream peers after that. But at the time nobody had an answer. I was just a very out of control and naughty child who acted aggressive. It was after I started at this special school that I then quickly started to 'mask'. Suddenly. Like flicking on a switch. I was now the STAR pupil who was super well behaved. Never, ever naughty. Calm. Polite. Model material. 

Then I went home. And every now and again. BANG. It was the human definition of a nuclear bomb. Wild. Insane. The classic autistic meltdown on a plate. It was terrible and looking back HORRIBLE for my Mum. I remember several occasions that the teacher would come to Mums house and restrain me at the floor and work to diffuse and end the meltdown, which happened of course, after a short while. And it all went quiet.

I desperately feel ashamed to have put Mum through some of those scary meltdowns and now I look back and think how was that possible? My mum stuck by me and never gave up . She never just handed me to some social care workers or whatever might have happened. I was terribly angry deep down and it's very complicated. I had no father figure for a start. That has to be a factor. I had no friends and didn't play sports. As a grown guy now I appreciate that exercise and sport is very important and useful for young people. Blowing off energy and steam are really important and it does help a great deal.

But anyway; bottled everything up and unleashed all that energy and anger that was built up. Now, this is my opinion, but in retrospect, I could have been experiencing a sort of mental health breakdown that was in addition to autism. Autism probably made it worse. I don't know. Who knows. But it happened and it was terrible. My education went down the tube because of it. I missed a large chunk of my early years. It's little wonder my social development was affected and my academic too. I'll never know for sure but it's impossible for me not to feel regretful about it and a bit angry too. Whether than anger is misplaced or legitimate its hard to say.

Slowly I went back into mainstream again towards second half of Year 4 and was full time (with some support) for all of Year 6.

And you know what, honestly, it was probably my happiest time, during my childhood overall.

I spoke to people.. even though I found it easier to talk to the girls .. for some reason .. at school, they liked me!

I even started to become a bit more confident and had a couple of friends outside of school who I played/hung out with regularly around that period.

Unfortunately I hated the secondary schools in my area and travelling further away was unfeasible so I ended up back in a special school from Year 7 , albeit one not as blatantly inappropriate.

This time just a school for general learning difficulties and not one for kids with more violent and serious mental health issues. I still however felt even at the time and definitely now, it was a regressive step for me.

I'd made progress in that last year at primary and was becoming more confident but just wasn't quite prepared or ready to jump into a secondary school that would likely have set me up for bullying and lack of support. I think a secondary school in a better area would have absolutely worked for me but it was out of question unfortunately. 

I still remember my form tutor in Year 6 being encouraging of me going to mainstream. I think looking back she had my beat interests at heart but I just was quite ready to make that jump at that time. It was too soon. The schools in my area weren't good with regards to reputation. I was genuinely fearful and unnerved and it would have been a nightmare to have tried to disrupt my education again if things didn't work out and had to be pulled out at a later point. So I relented and took the easier and least risky path I guess. That's never a good idea though. The easier path is often just going to lead to more pain further down the road. 

I lost contact with the few mates I had from mainstream by the end of Year 9 and didn't make any real friends in my secondary special school.

But hey I still managed in the end to at least get a dozen GCSES (1 F, couple of Ds and a C.). It was something at least. I try not to think, honestly.

It's hard to accept ourselves sometimes but we just have to accept the cards we are dealt. It's really hard though. I have many bad days.

Autistic people who regress or withdraw or any other form of diminishing are likely to suffering from internal difficulties and stresses, or external ones, but probably both - perhaps also mental health problems or other medical conditions that they can't convey or maybe not aware of.

Each autistic person will be fairly unique of course, and some more able to convey whats happening than others, some won't be able to convey anything.

What can happen is partners get frustrated (or worse) with a partner that is more distant, or less caring, or whatever they aren't giving or doing that they used to - and the the autistic partner is blamed or picks up the emotions which stresses and further diminish the autistic person more.  Not always the case but important to note it happens.

Minimising stresses around autistic people is always important, it may help reduce internal stresses.

I feel this too from 2 sides.

I'm almost 44 and only got diagnosed with ASC a couple of months ago. It now explains issues I've had since childhood. I always had issues with anxiety and depression but felt like something else was wrong. Now I know why I've also had the habit of keep pushing myself harder to do well in various things (jobs, social things, sports and interests etc) but each time I burn out and end up worse off and double frustrated.

I feel like when I look at how I am, you could say I act much younger than I am. I wouldn't say it's in a concerning way or something but it's always been a common theme of me being wise in ways yet I act and feel much younger and kinda fear things in the world like I need help and support...which as a man I also find really difficult because then I feel weak and like I should be much stronger.

I also feel like I've lost certain things over the years. I used to be so creative and a good writer in my younger years...but the biggest thing I notice is that I feel my creativity has gone. My imagination. I feel like I've spent so many years now keep ruminating and having anxiety over everything that's going wrong, what's wrong with me, how am I going to cope and will I ever have the life I wanted one day combined with worries going on in the world even more these last 2-3 years...that that's taken over my brain if you get me? Like there's no space for imagination or creativity anymore because my mind is so chock full of worry and fears and issues 24/7. Whenever I try to dream or imagine I feel like there's a huge blockage and my mind just defaults back to worry and anxiety.

I also have a son who I'm convinced is going to be diagnosed as it was seeing behaviours in him that pushed me to see things about myself and find out. Since he has begun high school and isn't settling well I notice he seems to be regressing in his behaviour is more often like a child much younger. I wonder if this is the same thing.

I.can’t believe I totally missed this out my whole life I’ve been diagnosed a few weeks maybe I’m 36 it was a lot or traumatic events over a long l period that done it trying to hide to everyone that I was ok but I wasn’t 

We need support and unfortunately as adults that becomes less and less. That goes for everyone irrespective of if you have a disability or not IMO. Family members might start passing on for example. Or moving away for whatever reason. Money is not ploughed into adult social services like it is for children's... and frankly even for children in some areas of the country, its still not 'good' even for that age group. I consider myself to be from a neglected part of the country in that respect. 

But fundamentally it's extremely important to have a support network to sort of keep us on the straight road and to have a safety net that that start us from swerving off the track entirely. Once that happens it's already too late to avoid more serious consequences like depression and regression. It's always possible to recover but it's a lot harder and it's not certain by any means that complete recovery is totally possible. Mental health is like a black hole I think we sink deeper into. The deeper you go the bigger the pull and the harder it will be to get out of it. I guess this is quite depressing of me to say but that's how I feel. There are no easy answers. I can say I totally relate to this situation though and it's horrible.

I’m going though this exact thing as we speak and it’s not nice I can’t get past it it’s ruining my whole life I’ve basically lost my whole family everything has gone sensitive can’t stop fidgeting I can not concentrate if there’s too many noises or if there’s 2 people talking in front of me I can’t read or write properly I’ve gone severely backwards this led to my diagnosis I got miss diagnosed with adhd as a child this situation is horrible I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone everything I do I fall out with people I can’t even think about wot to say till the words have left my mouth everything I say sounds like an excuse I need to try and find help to fix this ?? I’m constantly having to hide how I feel because of my situation I am really stuck this way I’ve done research and seems I need to fix the root of the problem and lean how to do these things again I can’t fix the root of my problem and it’s getting worse by the day 

Hey I’m in a similar situation. I was popular at school I could function. I’m 24 and my autism has regressed over the past years. I’ve heard socialising is like using a muscle and I feel this to be true. When you don’t use it you lose it but there’s hope to regain that. Wondering how your situations going now :) 

SPAM

Very good post, the same consistent happened with me. I have a daughter and she also was regressed over 2 years. She organizing programs in schools and colleges for students free of cost. So I proud of her. 

i suffered severe regression after a breakdown after a huge number of bad things happened at once and was more suicidal worse than ever before although that's come round again and again throughout my adult life and my diagnosis was autism. Officially regression doesn't exist but in fact it does. My friend regressed after being raped and i've met others. I lost long and short term memory, all my emotions and interests, lots of cognitive stuff (intelligence) but most of it i don't have names for so can't describe, i can only name, i can't spell any more and i used to spell perfectly, i can't remember anything any more eg if i look at my watch to see what time it is, once i had to look twelve times and often eight or nine because i can't remember, that badly; i can't recognise faces i used to be like a superrecogniser; i was doing postgrad now i cna't remember or understand even gcse level stuff; i had problems adding up but that's coming back, i used to be able to multiply two 3-digit numbers in my head. and so on. That's life. I just wish i could say it in official situations without being told i'm lying it's not true it doesn't exist.

This has been a pattern for me all my life.  I'm now 44, and only became aware that I'm autistic about 3 years ago.  I went from school to school, to college, to university, and from job to job, following the same pattern:  initially enthusiastic, but after 2 or 3 months, not being able to cope.

A large part of the problem, I think, was that I would go in, faking it, desperately trying to fit in with the neurotypical people around me.  Unfortunately, there's no way you can keep that up for a long period, and the stress of doing so is either going to break you, or cause you to behave in a way that will alienate you from those you have to work with.

I ended up becoming a freelance contractor, partly to give me an excuse to keep moving jobs without it harming my career record and partly because contractors are less likely to have to attend a traditional job interview!

What I have found in the last 2 years is that being open and honest with people about my autism means I don't need to keep up so much of a pretence.  This brings the stress levels right down, and I can save the "neurotypical impressions" for when it's really needed.  

I'm very careful who I reveal this to, of course... I might start by dropping occasoinal hints like "I'm afraid my brain's just not wired that way", and try to see how they react.  This is difficult, as I am terrible at interpretting other people's behaviour, but I've had more successes than failures.