Almost had a meldown today...

Wish I could but I have hypersensitive hearing, been trying to block out the noise for quite a long time, no luck.  I've recent resorted to earplugs/earphones

train yourself to hear voices as a burbling drone. It's easy to do, but hard to reverse, you'll never really listen to anyone boring again...

I know what you mean about having to tiptoe around family, I do find it hard but I try to restrain myself from saying anything that might upset people simply because I just do not want to have to deal with the situation that arises from me telling people the truth whom I know cannot handle said truth, especially in the brutal way I would tend to put it.

I once again would like to thank you for your kind words and advice. I know it's wierd but knowing that someone else with (AS) has had the same problems as me and is been able to work through it is a comfort to me as it gives me hope that maybe I will be able to work out how to cope with the situation.

I'm glad I managed to say something supportive. I know what you mean about the generational thing, and I was thinking about it because of my own situation. You're right about the lack of emotional expression - it seems that the generation before didn't have time for it, the culture was very much s**t happens, but get on with what you've got to do. Understanding people wasn't important, but accepting people as they were was, I think, much easier as a result.

I'm not sure that with their lack of education, the knowledge of my AS would have meant anything to my folks. If anything, I think it would have confused them. My Mum always said that she simply didn't understand the things I thought about, or the things I came out with, and my Dad just thought I was an idiot.

You're right, too, about the way that they relate. They came from a long line of generations where it was expected that they would be looked after by their kids when they got older, so yes, it was very much part of their culture and anything outside of that wasn't something they'd even begin to understand.

I often wonder if it's our (AS) propensity for thinking deeply about everything that puts us so apart when it comes to such things. I don't know about you, but whenever I'm trying to relate to NTs, even my own family, I feel like I'm tiptoeing along trying not to cause arguments, upset or controversy. I still manage it anyway...

I could tell from the tone of your post that you've exhausted your reserves. I know how near impossible it is in your situation to kick back a bit. Is there any chance that you could contact Adult Services and see about some help - they have a duty to Carers anyway, and at least they'll have someone who understands what it's doing to you. If your Dad is totaly against the idea, you could both end up with no choice if you collapse under the strain.

It's tough, and there aren't any easy answers. I understand your situation because I've been in it myself, I certainly couldn't imagine it, so all I've got to offer is that I get where you're at, and I'm only sorry that I can't offer any practical advice. All I could ever conclude was that I had to keep going, keep the frustrations to myself, weather the crap from the rest of the family, and look after myself whenever I could.

Sadly when it comes to my old man, anything I tell him is kind of pointless.  He tends to forget what is said about 30 minutes later and is just back to moaning, but thats him, im used to him now.  Sadly his generation were never good with emotions either so its not that I dont think he doesnt want to understand me more than he cannot understand me.

As for the rest of my family, part from one or two, I would agree they are nasty people, my coping method with them right now is to remove myself from the situation I find myself in with them if I feel if the situation is going awry.  I am not going to say it's all their fault, I have been mentally exhausted myself latley.

I have been pushing myself a lot to be able to do things better and as most people do, I have limits to the amount of mental energy I can spend and with all the things they put on me plus my own willpower to do better, my mental energy is litterely running on fumes.  Sadly I have never learned how to sit back and take a break, I find it impossible to switch off mentally and I feel I should not have to.  As for the gratitude you mentioned, I think its because its family and quite an old generation, I think my dad expect things to be done without gratitude simply because he is my father.  Once again its the generational gap I think that's not helping, well that and we are both stubborn :P

Anyway Classic, thanks for the kind words, I really do appreciate it :D

That's quite a lot of staggering ignorance from your family, no wonder you're hurt and upset. They clearly don't understand, and don't appear to want to understand, what autism is. What kind of stupidity is it to think that the more you do, the better you'll get? Sheesh. I think you're wasting your time waiting for them to 'get it' when they don't even understand that they don't.

The best thing you can hang onto is to know that, given your condition, you're doing your very best. If it isn't good enough for them, just say you can't and ask them to show you how they do it. If their pressure is driving you towards meltdown, you're as close as you need to be and should back off a little. Is that possible?

On the other hand, if they DO push you into meltdown, it might just remind them of your difficulties, but I think it's more likely to give them extra stuff to throw in your face. Pardon me for saying this, but nasty people.

Here's what I would say to them:

'I'm doing all I can, and your constant carping at me is just making my life harder. No matter how much you pick on me, you're not going to make me capable of doing more. you'd be better off using that energy to do what you want done, instead of nagging me to do it when you know that I can't. Keep this up and sooner or later you'll make me incapable of doing anything at all, and then who's going to look after Dad? And, where's the gratitude for what I DO do? Are you all saying that you're less capable than a disabled person? Now stop trying to use me. If you don't like what I do, do more yourself'.

My personal successes were never good enough for my family, either.