Published on 12, July, 2020
It's been a while since I have had a true meltdown but today I came really close. The matter at hand is that my father who is also ill with heart problems is asking me to do more for him. What he does not understand is that I am doing for him right now is pretty much everything I am capable of doing outside of my daily routine and that the stuff I do for him is actually quite important like sorting out his finances.
But him and my family keep asking me for more, they claim they are doing it to push me into getting better but I truly believe they just think that I am not autistic or they know it and just don't care. Why is it that when I try to explain to family, especially to my father that they simply never understand. I tell them and yet by the next day they will be complaining that I do not do something.
I have been trying so hard to do better but then I have never been good at hiding the autism that I have. Why is it never good enough for people, I simply don't understand. Has anyone else had this problem?
That's quite a lot of staggering ignorance from your family, no wonder you're hurt and upset. They clearly don't understand, and don't appear to want to understand, what autism is. What kind of stupidity is it to think that the more you do, the better you'll get? Sheesh. I think you're wasting your time waiting for them to 'get it' when they don't even understand that they don't.
The best thing you can hang onto is to know that, given your condition, you're doing your very best. If it isn't good enough for them, just say you can't and ask them to show you how they do it. If their pressure is driving you towards meltdown, you're as close as you need to be and should back off a little. Is that possible?
On the other hand, if they DO push you into meltdown, it might just remind them of your difficulties, but I think it's more likely to give them extra stuff to throw in your face. Pardon me for saying this, but nasty people.
Here's what I would say to them:
'I'm doing all I can, and your constant carping at me is just making my life harder. No matter how much you pick on me, you're not going to make me capable of doing more. you'd be better off using that energy to do what you want done, instead of nagging me to do it when you know that I can't. Keep this up and sooner or later you'll make me incapable of doing anything at all, and then who's going to look after Dad? And, where's the gratitude for what I DO do? Are you all saying that you're less capable than a disabled person? Now stop trying to use me. If you don't like what I do, do more yourself'.
My personal successes were never good enough for my family, either.