Published on 12, July, 2020
It's been a while since I have had a true meltdown but today I came really close. The matter at hand is that my father who is also ill with heart problems is asking me to do more for him. What he does not understand is that I am doing for him right now is pretty much everything I am capable of doing outside of my daily routine and that the stuff I do for him is actually quite important like sorting out his finances.
But him and my family keep asking me for more, they claim they are doing it to push me into getting better but I truly believe they just think that I am not autistic or they know it and just don't care. Why is it that when I try to explain to family, especially to my father that they simply never understand. I tell them and yet by the next day they will be complaining that I do not do something.
I have been trying so hard to do better but then I have never been good at hiding the autism that I have. Why is it never good enough for people, I simply don't understand. Has anyone else had this problem?
Sadly when it comes to my old man, anything I tell him is kind of pointless. He tends to forget what is said about 30 minutes later and is just back to moaning, but thats him, im used to him now. Sadly his generation were never good with emotions either so its not that I dont think he doesnt want to understand me more than he cannot understand me.
As for the rest of my family, part from one or two, I would agree they are nasty people, my coping method with them right now is to remove myself from the situation I find myself in with them if I feel if the situation is going awry. I am not going to say it's all their fault, I have been mentally exhausted myself latley.
I have been pushing myself a lot to be able to do things better and as most people do, I have limits to the amount of mental energy I can spend and with all the things they put on me plus my own willpower to do better, my mental energy is litterely running on fumes. Sadly I have never learned how to sit back and take a break, I find it impossible to switch off mentally and I feel I should not have to. As for the gratitude you mentioned, I think its because its family and quite an old generation, I think my dad expect things to be done without gratitude simply because he is my father. Once again its the generational gap I think that's not helping, well that and we are both stubborn :P
Anyway Classic, thanks for the kind words, I really do appreciate it :D