Going to bed

Yes 100% my mother and I have this issue a lot. I think definitely on quite a few occasions it’s ’revenge bedtime procrastination’ have a look into it..

Yep, I have a routine but I hate going to bed. Not sure if it's because ot sleep issues that sleep is my least favourite time of the day or if it's just the usual hard to go from one actibvity to another. I had to leanr to go to bed even if I don't feel tired at that moment. Still it's a struggle

I do chose to do this, I'm lucky now that after many years of having to get up far earlier than my body wanted and sleep earlier than it wanted I can now set my own times.

I must admit that I can no longer sleep in the same bed as another human, or even the same room.

I know a lot of people think I should get up earlier and go to sleep earlier, but what's the point of not working if you have to keep the same time schedule?

Sounds very similar to me mate.

I too have a troubled bedtime routine. I have a reoccurring event on my calender at 10.45pm... Go to bed event!! I very rarely do though. I'll nod off whilst watching something on TV my partner will often ask if I should to go to bed as I'm always nodding off... I'll look at the clock, it's 9.30pm.. "nope nope I'm not tired.." .. 5 mins later, same again ... "No no I'm okay, I'll watch this episode then go bed".... 5mins later Zzzzzzz, you get the picture. My body is desperate for sleep, it's a battle on how long I can stay awake.... it's really really not healthy.

I've always done this though, I really can't break the cycle. 

I set an alarm on my phone for 10:30 pm Sun to Thu. I put smart bulbs in my living room that turn off ten minutes later. (I should probably put a smart plug on my TV that cuts the power shortly after that, too.) Does it work? Well, it helps, as it keeps prodding me towards a reasonable routine. I usually get to bed before 11:30, but then I might read for another hour. Not too bad, I suppose.

What really made the biggest difference for me was not bringing my phone up to the bedroom. I could lie there doom scrolling or playing puzzle games until 3 or 4 am some nights/mornings. Reading on a Kindle (as Bunny mentioned) is easy on the eyes, doesn't disturb your sleeping partner with a bright light, and there's not much else you can do with it, so you don't end up poking your head out of some rabbit hole just as the sun is coming up.

It’s nice to be able to choose your own routine if you can be flexible like that. My husband has to get up really early for work though, and I wake up with him, so we definitely should not be going to bed at 2 am (but so often do). If we start watching a film then we are doomed because we always end up wanting to watch to the end. We love films. 

Hi Bunny, these are fantastic ideas and resources- thank you so much! I’m always amazed at how brilliant this community is at providing support and helpful ideas - I am so grateful for the people in this community and how incredibly kind and helpful they are. It really does restore my faith in people. Sometimes I just feel so exasperated with myself and I don’t know where to start with dealing with a problem - but coming on here and talking with others on here who understand always helps me to focus and find solutions. Thank you so much

Yes - I definitely think it is. In my mind the end of the day is when the challenges of the day are over (sometimes that’s a huge relief if it’s been a tough day) and facing another day is not always an easy prospect. Late at night is when the outside world stops bothering you basically! A bit of peace from it all!

I actually really like early mornings - it can be so lovely at 5am in the summer. 

Yes - that’s totally how I feel - inertia - I’m sure some people would find it hard to understand but we struggle with this so much. And if I fall asleep on the sofa then when I finally do go to bed I often can’t get back to sleep. I get so frustrated with myself! 

Thank you so much Pru - such kind words and I really appreciate it! 

I also often used to go to bed in the early hours. Addressing my sleep hygiene (as it's known) was one of the first changes that I made after learning that I'm autistic.

Developing good sleep hygiene was also among the list of standard recommendations that were included as an appendix in my assessment report. It notes that "Lack of sleep or poor sleep quality can affect your mood, making you more anxious, unhappy, and irritable".

My sleep routine now includes:

• Using Apple's "Sleep Focus" settings to automatically put my devices into "wind down" mode, which also triggers a nightly sleep preparation reminder.
• Having mood lighting in the bedroom (a galaxy lamp).
• Reading on my Kindle (which has a backlight, so no bright lights are involved) for around 10-30 minutes.
• Using a large, soft toy as a snuggle buddy, which I find very comforting and helpful. 

I'm still amazed at how well this works. Even when I don't feel particularly tired, it soon kicks in once I've followed my routine and read for a little while. 

But, as the article below explains, we each need to consider what will work best for us, as we're all different.

You might find this resource helpful. The author (a neurodivergent clinician) notes that "It takes roughly 28 days for your brain to adopt a new routine", so perseverance is important. However, she also explains how we can add elements to that new routine gradually, over time, to help with that, and avoid making it too daunting or overwhelming, at the outset, to cope with:

Neurodivergent Insights - ADHD and Autism Bedtime Routine: Advice for Neurodivergent Adults

It's also one of the suggestions in this book, which I found very helpful early on.

Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!

The NAS also has some advice here, which again includes creating a routine:

NAS - Sleep and autism

I like the idea of putting off tomorrow. I think that is part of it.

My body dosen't want to go to sleep at 11pm, it wants to go to sleep at about 1:30-2:30 am, I don't get up until about 11-11:30 am, but I still get plenty done, I'm less stressed and if theres one thing gauranteed to make not sleep it's worrying about falling asleep

Thank you for your reply. I’m not sure about anything anymore, I got harassed couple of years ago and bullied growing up so everything just feels like what’s the point now. How I was always compared to rich people and celebs and their kids etc. maybe I don’t want their life but apparently I’m in denial. Sorry for the rant and going off topic. Either way I struggle to sleep with all the triggers and flashbacks etc like if I wake in the night or wake normally my mind just starts racing with the most irritating things. I’m nearly diagnosed but I feel like upset it’s autism that’s stopping me from getting better

Also I know it cliché but you know what the problem is and that's like half the battle because now you know what you need to work on. So that's like half the battle won already. I can totally sympathise with feeling too tired, partially from not going to bed early enough but also let's be honest life is just exhausting! 

Every day I'm so tired and I haven't really done anything but there's always so much going on and so much happening it takes it out of me trying to process it and navigate through daily life. 

Sometimes I envy neurotypical people because it must be nice being able to get through a day and still function without this fatigue dragging you down like a heavy anchor.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. You'll work things out in the end and until you do it's important to be patient with yourself.

Rooting for you

Hi Iain - I think your suggestion is excellent. I’m going to discuss it with my family and see if we can try this. Thank you :) 

Definitely relate to your point 1 - and find point 2 really interesting! 

Yes - I think for us it’s partly about ‘putting off tomorrow for as long as possible’ - even though we know this doesn’t essentially make sense we still do it! Sometimes I find ‘facing the day’ very difficult. Even the morning post can be intimidating. At night you get left alone. You’re right about getting into some kind of routine. I listen to podcasts too when I go to bed. Which podcasts do you really like - can you recommend any? Thanks :)