Does anyone else feel this way without having actual reason to?
it can be someone’s tone of voice or their body language etc but it’s draining constantly feeling like it.
Does anyone else feel this way without having actual reason to?
it can be someone’s tone of voice or their body language etc but it’s draining constantly feeling like it.
I thought I wrote this post. I feel like this often.
Since previously replying to this, I have discovered "RSD" which is "rejection sensitivity dysphoria"
It answers so much for me in terms of why I'm always so keen to please and distraught at the thought of someone thinking badly of me or rejecting me or my ideas.
Definitely worth reading up on, it really shocked me how relevant it was when I did. I think it probably fits where I previously thought I was just over paranoid etc.
This is the story of my life. I have ADHD too, so in conversations, I have a habit of oversharing information, bringing up topics that are too personal and asking too many *personal/non-personal* questions. I've done Dialectic Behavioural Therapy to improve, and the main thing I've learned is to think about the result/change that you want to achieve in every interaction.
But of course, I still make mistakes all the time. It's been particularly bad this time as I've been depressed. Every day I think about something I said to someone that came off as silly and ruminate over it.
I'm here if you want to talk further about it.
Yep, pretty much all the time. A lot of self-hatred built up over the years as I can't get over how annoying and disliked I am. Part paranoia...well, practically all paranoia, if I'm honest. But the word 'paranoia' is a very general term in itself. Didn't stop a therapist from once asking me outright "are you paranoid?" Didn't know how to reply, other than 'yes, I guess so'. 
I’ve always had these concerns. My husband always reassures me that I’m just being paranoid but I’ve always have this unsettling feeling that people don’t warm to me. Who knows? As I get older I get a bit better at caring a bit less about what people think of me. I think that’s the thing to aim for: to be yourself and accept the fact that you can’t control how others see you, or if they like you. I try to be as friendly as I can, and polite, so that’s the best I can do.
The truth is that often we Autists can be annoying. We are willing to be honest and point out things that others may be quieter about. I wouldn't change it for the world though. Who would want to be a non entity when they could be Autistic instead?
I always assume people are cross with me, this then makes me think I’m annoying them. Then when I’m quiet and not engaging as I’m trying to concentrate or say the right thing I feel invisible. It’s a very odd feeling and tells me that being sociable especially in a group setting is something I would rather avoid. I just wish there was a group of people that were different like myself so I could see how that would work.
I don't find it hard at all to dislike someone, it's an instinctive thing, something in my gut tells me there's something wrong or off about someone, so I reserve judgement, unless they've said something horrendous at the outset.
I get this, I always saw it as being paranoid, but maybe it's just my inability to accurately read People, then, f I'm unsure of what they think , I always assumed the worst and think someone dislikes me, finds me annoying etc.
I often feel like this, I think social phobia is part of it, but it may also be part of the reason I became socially phobic. It's not easy when you have very little in common with others, even when apparently you should, in that you like similar things, but totally different aspects of them. I've done various courses over the years, one of the things I've been told to do that will help me find friends and people with common interests, I've not made any friends and have often been totally on my own, many people join a course with a friend or group of friends and don't welcome anyone else.
I think feelings of not being liked can be more common among women than men, I've had more than one man ask me why being liked is so important to women, I think it's because women are more group and socially orrientated in general and a lone woman is seen as a threat.
Prior to retiring, I was taking on-line courses to become a special education teacher with an endorsement for autism. One of the courses I took was communication. I was surprised to learn that 70% of what non-autistic people say is modified through non-verbal communication i.e. body language and facial expressions.
A lot of autistic people don't pick up on this because our neurology and our tendency to have a literal mndset, predisposes us towards overly relying on the spoken word.
For example, many years ago I arrived at work early to find a colleague crying in the hallway. When I asked if she was okay, the woman, said, "I'm JUST FINE!"
While I found myself wondering about her tone of voice, the fact that she had told me that she was fine was enough for me to continue on to my classroom.
I later learned that she had just received a call from the U.S. Consulate in Costa Rica. The Consulate had called because her adult son had been killed by a hit and run driver as he crossed the street.
I was roundly criticized by my colleagues for not having been more sensitive to the needs of this unfortunate woman.
(sigh)
It is extremely unlikely that you or the other posters here this morning are actually disliked. It takes a lot of effort for someone to dislike you.
Annoying - possibly, but if your are sinking into the background then this is unlikely too. Imagine something the other way around for example, someone that makes loud food eating noises which grates on you. You probably just find that aspect annoying. But it is the act, rather than the person.
The most likely scenario is indifference. You sink into the background (deliberately, or auto-maskingly - I've just made up a word!)
So, how do you make yourself heard in a large group where people people rapid-fire talk and move on to the next subject when you are still trying to say your point about the previous subject?
One thing that works for me is - put your hand up! Yes, like you are in school! Don't do it slowly. (Practice on your own putting you hand up so that people will see it in their peripheral vision, but not so fast that you risk punching your neighbour in the jaw)
This really does work a lot of the time. Try to do it with a smile (difficult, and masking but low effort masking)
The next question is what to do when all attention is on you...
(Incidentally - I am doing an autistics communication course starting in a few weeks, for 6 weeks. I'll report back here on any tips that I get)
Yes I feel this way. I find it is one of the hardest things to cope with. It is everywhere. Work especially.
It is so hard to keep feeling good about myself, when so much of my interaction with the world is that I am disliked and annoying.
And so I mask unsuccessfully and like you say become invisible.
Yes I know this feeling and can relate to comments others have made on this thread. It makes me want to avoid people. I have social anxiety if I have to join a group, like with work etc. As I just assume this will happen now. Yes also invisible.
It's better at church, not perfect but better. I think there's more likely to be Kinder people there. So better experience for me overall but if it goes wrong there I still avoid it for a while to recover. Have had times in life when I decided that's enough never again and isolate as much as I can from all groups, but that doesn't make you feel good either.
I was on a training thing and we had an irl (in real life) day. It was 16 people around a table talking to each other at the beginning, before it began. Apart from me. I was right in the middle and I became completely invisible.
One of my lowest moments.
