Let's say I know this woman who works at a local supermarket, she smiled at me and said she liked my coat. I believe that's flirting, correct? How do I ask her out on a date?
Firm agree with Uhane here. In my younger life I misread people in shops and pubs - some people are just bubbly and ‘flirty’ and it isn’t intended to go any further. And as Uhane has mentioned, this person is also in her workplace. Tread sensitively if you do want to ask her to spend time with you. And be prepared that some people say yes to get rid of you because it’s easier than saying no, but doesn’t mean they actually want to spend time with you outside of their role, so be kind if that does occurr
The only way you can fail to notice the horror of it is to make your world completely small. But where's the fun in that?
A good bit of advice I once received is "be IN the world but not OF the world", which does indeed make your world very small.
But it's MY little world which means I can put who (or what) I want into it, AND remove what I do not want from it.
The trick is having strong borders on your own little world and to NOT let the outside world access it.
The other trick is to make your own little world a NICE place to be, so that when others get a glimpse, they want to be there too.
You've talked before about getting a cat, which is an excellent idea, but there is a hidden cost, or perhaps obligation that comes with getting a cat. On your bad days, when you feel really, really, "malojian" (or for that matter "I Sperg") you HAVE to choke down on that *** and feed them, clean their litter, and BE NICE when you really normally would not manage it. It's a challenge.
Anger really does not work well with cats, and if your cat really does not like you, or the shared life you have, they will leave the first chance they get.
OTOH, in a very Shamanic sense your cat companion will immensely enhance and help guide you in your own personal little world. -When it suits them!
I don't have any time for them. That's how it often starts with Autistic people. And then suddenly it's been years. Their brains do not work like ours. This world is a fucking dreadful place. The only way you can fail to notice the horror of it is to make your world completely small. But where's the fun in that?
I had my fill of it all years ago. I've spent years just existing and not really wanting to be alive.
I'll find out this evening when I'm out and about on the trains as I go to visit my children. Will be half yearning to look at people, half yearning to look away, as always, and castigating myself for most likely coming across as unnerving and quite possibly 'toxic', as seems to be the latest adjective for people with an unwanted presence. Always safe to bury myself in a book, as usual. Occasionally risking a glance at people to reassure me that I'm not alone in this universe.
Most of my sexual encounters were not after a formal date. The only proper dates I've been on were in my OKcupid days (many years ago) and they were all disastrous.
I met my partners online or through real life friends (in the days when I had them).
I found that just asking (while wearing a cheeky grin) "are you flirting with me?" is a great way - anything other than a NO means she probably was so you can just follow up "thank goodness, I was going to feel a bit daft asking you out otherwise." and let her lead the conversation from there.
If she does say "NO" to the flirting question then a good follow up would be "shot down in flames again. Still, with someone as amazing as you I couldn't help but ask".
The compliment should defuse the situation from there.
like @Uhane says it may not have been flirting. As they say observe them interacting with other customers - perhaps with people in front of you in her checkout queue next time you are shopping?
Note how she interacts with them - perhaps she compliments everyone just being friendly?
What's the best way to word it when you ask someone out?
"Would you like to go to the cinema with me some time?" is probably the best way I can think of. Not specifying a time leaves her options open; specifying the cinema or whatever probably sounds better than just "would you like to go out on a date with me?" though.
This may not be flirting, just being friendly. Watch how this same person responds to others with or without the same friendliness.
It is so hard to tell so look for patterns. If you do like her no matter, remember she is captive behind the register to your approaches.
So be very sensitive to this. if she doesn't want to date you remember she will have to see you over and over afterwards. this is awkward, an uneven situation, you are not relating as 'equals' with the register between you. The roles are prescribed.
so - watch and see. start short conversations at the register with her. ask what sorts of movies she likes, etc. don't rush anything. remember she cannot walk away as you can from her, if and when it gets weird.
Time and Space . lots of it.
Also - perhaps let her, if she likes, offer social time with you ask you on a date. It's not the the thatcher years after all.
Once I made a mistake by asking for a male pen friend. Ended up stalking me online, knew what time I got up, when I arrived and finished. Decided to stop writing to him and thought I was over reacting (told him that a family member likes to go abroad by train on vacation. He said that the family member goes on a booze cruise);
You would need to build up a considerable amount of rapport, before suggesting a date
I'm not sure this is true. People go on blinddates all the time. With people from tinder even. Building up rapport certainly won't hurt your chances. But if you wait too long people walk out of your life because that's just how life works.
Simply making eye contact wouldn't get you into trouble. Direct eye contact for a prolonged period of time would make anyone uncomfortable, and I know we have a pop at neurotypicals for that but most of them don't really care (in my experience anyway).
