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For the men of the Group.. Intimacy problems?

Kvothe

Hello...

Just a question for the men of the group, i was wondering if any of you have problems with intimacy especially close intimacy and physical relations.

I seem to have a huge problem with it and really struggle with the opposite sex in this area, oddly if it was a one off it wouldnt bother me as much but the idea of being so close with some makes me feel awkward. And enacting these situations means you have to be really close to someone which is causing me a lot of stress at the min.

Do other men in the group have these issues. Apologies if this isnt clear i have trouble explaining whats happening for me..

Cheers

  • Hi Kvothe,

    I personally don't have problems with intimacy when I'm with someone, of either sex, but I can very much see how it can be distressing from an autistic perspective. I'm thinking maybe how the nature of love, intimacy and experiencing that energy of emotional connection in sex and romance kind of requires you to lose yourself in the moment. And how this temporary loss of self-control is disconcerting. One reason why I feel wary of having alcohol fuelled intimate encounters and strive to keep as clear a head as possible to ensure the 'realness' of the encounter. I'm a hopeless romantic myself and for me the build up and the passion that surrounds and embraces the encounter is just as important, more so even, than the sexual intimacy itself. Perhaps think of the intimacy more as learning more about your partner. For example literally counting the number of moles on their body, estimating the measurements of aspects of their body. Let your autistic mind connect with the sensory properties and immerse yourself in the fragrance and bodily contours of your partner. Embrace them whilst your brain 'records' them and perhaps the safety and security aspects of love and intimacy will win out over the less rational aspects of love where you feel yourself losing self-control. I believe that self-control and intimacy can co-exist beautifully and even last longer.

    Andrew

    (Limited experience, for granted, but a love maker all the same.)

  • in reply to Mr T

    Yeah its weird isnt Bing so close and face to face terrifies me and also being judged on things as well. Anonymous hooks ups seem to work maybe because of the no personal intimacy.. I appreciate you saying you are not sure how the intimacy chasm is bridged cause i feel like i am the only one that feels that way..

    Cheer Mate

  • in reply to Kvothe

    I mean I'm not intrested in sexual intermacy with men and so far women are not intrested in sexual intermicy with me so it's a bit academic.

  • I have found in the past that being so close face to face is intimidating as making eye contact really troubles me. I did find that anonymous hook ups (if I could get any) were much better for me. I crave a loving relationship but not sure how the intimacy chasm is bridged.

  • in reply to Peter

    IS that the same with physical sexual intimacy?

  • I find contact with the oposite sex easyer to be honest. Makes sence really. Growing up had contact with lots of male bullies and no female bullies. The only thing that's uncomfortable with the oposite sex is often I have the urge to do 'non platonic touching' in such moments. (please avoid sensationist conclusion jumping; I have self controle)

  • in reply to HMO

    I am ok with hugging.. though it took me a while and still feels strange and i have to know the person well.

    Other than that i find contact with the opposite sex very uncomfortable 

  • The most I've ever been intimate with someone is hugging. I do find that I crave it a lot.

    It just depends on the person. For so long I hated hugs or anything like that.