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For the men of the Group.. Intimacy problems?

Kvothe
6 days ago

Hello...

Just a question for the men of the group, i was wondering if any of you have problems with intimacy especially close intimacy and physical relations.

I seem to have a huge problem with it and really struggle with the opposite sex in this area, oddly if it was a one off it wouldnt bother me as much but the idea of being so close with some makes me feel awkward. And enacting these situations means you have to be really close to someone which is causing me a lot of stress at the min.

Do other men in the group have these issues. Apologies if this isnt clear i have trouble explaining whats happening for me..

Cheers

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  • 5 days ago

    Hi Kvothe,

    I personally don't have problems with intimacy when I'm with someone, of either sex, but I can very much see how it can be distressing from an autistic perspective. I'm thinking maybe how the nature of love, intimacy and experiencing that energy of emotional connection in sex and romance kind of requires you to lose yourself in the moment. And how this temporary loss of self-control is disconcerting. One reason why I feel wary of having alcohol fuelled intimate encounters and strive to keep as clear a head as possible to ensure the 'realness' of the encounter. I'm a hopeless romantic myself and for me the build up and the passion that surrounds and embraces the encounter is just as important, more so even, than the sexual intimacy itself. Perhaps think of the intimacy more as learning more about your partner. For example literally counting the number of moles on their body, estimating the measurements of aspects of their body. Let your autistic mind connect with the sensory properties and immerse yourself in the fragrance and bodily contours of your partner. Embrace them whilst your brain 'records' them and perhaps the safety and security aspects of love and intimacy will win out over the less rational aspects of love where you feel yourself losing self-control. I believe that self-control and intimacy can co-exist beautifully and even last longer.

    Andrew

    (Limited experience, for granted, but a love maker all the same.)

Reply
  • 5 days ago

    Hi Kvothe,

    I personally don't have problems with intimacy when I'm with someone, of either sex, but I can very much see how it can be distressing from an autistic perspective. I'm thinking maybe how the nature of love, intimacy and experiencing that energy of emotional connection in sex and romance kind of requires you to lose yourself in the moment. And how this temporary loss of self-control is disconcerting. One reason why I feel wary of having alcohol fuelled intimate encounters and strive to keep as clear a head as possible to ensure the 'realness' of the encounter. I'm a hopeless romantic myself and for me the build up and the passion that surrounds and embraces the encounter is just as important, more so even, than the sexual intimacy itself. Perhaps think of the intimacy more as learning more about your partner. For example literally counting the number of moles on their body, estimating the measurements of aspects of their body. Let your autistic mind connect with the sensory properties and immerse yourself in the fragrance and bodily contours of your partner. Embrace them whilst your brain 'records' them and perhaps the safety and security aspects of love and intimacy will win out over the less rational aspects of love where you feel yourself losing self-control. I believe that self-control and intimacy can co-exist beautifully and even last longer.

    Andrew

    (Limited experience, for granted, but a love maker all the same.)

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