How to make friends as an autistic adult

what holidays do you like and I like Halloween and Christmas that's my favorite time of year 

Hi and welcome to the community!

The NAS has a good article on the subject, which you might find helpful:

NAS - Making friends - a guide for autistic adults

PS The rules don't allow us to share photos of ourselves here, so it might be best to swap it for new profile pic - ideally along with an anonymised nickname instead of your auto-generated NAS number :)

Nearly two years ago I started "Zoom Film Night", in the hope that a few people would come along, and it would create conversation amongst them, and possibly over time lead to friendships being formed, because pf posts such as this.

I have reliably provided a film each week, except last week, MOSTLY for the sole benefit of me and my "assistant" and OCCASIONALLY a member (or even two) from this forum.  

I got through spates of "advertising it", here (just look up film night with the search function) but to my utter surprise none of the people I read beggiing for any sort of connection or social life take me up on the offer!!

There's no money required, only the time taken to watch the film, there's no face to face exposure to ANYONE although it's always an option. It seems reasonable to expect people to not yak away across the soundtrack, but there are options for people to speak if they want to, in between the "reels" and afterwards or make a comment on here.

I've got a small repertoire of obscure films that are surpisingly, "universally good", which should provide a basis for comment and conversation.

If I had attracted a regular cadre but you still weren't sayng much, I had ideas for "vays to get you to talk" but my initial concern was could I actually be reliable when it came to being in the same place each week doing the same thing?

I've been hoarding what I consider to be the "best" films all year, but I'm going to start chonging my way though them soon.

I've practically given up on this forum, to tell the truth, (after nearly two years, some might say that's long overdue) and am increasingly reluctant to even mention film night in passing, but this sort of thread is exactly why I started it. 

If you really want some friendships, know this: They are built on shared activities and then complaing about them! Don't do any shared activities or talk to people and you won't attact any friends. Of course my film night is probably going to require a half a dozen people watching a half a dozen films over 6 weeks, before one member passes a comment that makes another one think, "oooh, I like the way this person thinks about the films we watched". Or maybe someone will criticise some aspect of the way I run the film, I don't know.

What I DO know, is that the film night I attended in my twenties run by my drug dealer at the time, was a place where friendships were formed.

It was also a place where the pace of the interchanges was not so fast and furious that keeping up was demanding, and many people would choose to leave straight after, me included when my cat was very young and could not be left unattended for very long. 

It seemed a good idea at the time, that would meet an expressed need.

But when it comes down to it, either I need a partner to do the "advertising" here and get it right, (don't advise me how to, I've had enough advice, and made enough effort to get this right, that I am now disinterested in doing any of that beyond what I do now, and even that will have ceased at or before Christmas) or I'm simply mistaken that what seemed to work so well for me in my twenties when faced with the same problem people describe here, lack of social mobility, could indeed be useful. 

No point in flogging a dead horse, as they say... 

I find a good rule is set clear bounderys I WILL NOT go the pub if you want to be my friend but I will play dnd with you if you have a good player group and a fun dm I WILL not be expected to talk to you on a regular basis as I like my own space but I will go for a coffee with you or catch up at work as and when 

It seems NT want your attention all the time this is what led to me after years and years deciding gaming voice chat and party chat isnt something I enjoy as people beg you to chat no thanks I just want to play my game 

Also dont make friend with people who expect a favour back for a favour sure if you cover me at work I will cover your shifts if I can but dont expect me to cover you going for a night out just because you covered ny emergencie

Honestly people say NDs can be rude without meaning to but I find NTs are rude to try guilt trip you 

People always say engage in your hobbies to find friends the only hobbies I have that I feel I like to share in a social way are magic the gathering and dungeons and dragons oj and pokemon but these are designed to be played socially with people you may not know or people you dont live with as opposed to my other favourite cluedo which is designed to play with your family etc I.e people you know very well

Always know it's ok to want your own time 

Me personally I feel more at ease with my family(or I should say my OHs family as I see them more)but even then there days where o see them and I'm withdrawn(at work my bosses sometimes think I'm not too good or maybe they think I'm rude when I'm withdrawn but tbh until I get my diagnosis i feel better masking it by saying I'm tired or I have a family issue)

Online friendships are pretty ideal for me, cos I also don't really like going out into town much. Unless I wanna go for a hike or something, the only thing to really do outside is spend money. Online like this is much easier to deal with, and I am looking to widen my social circle some, myself.

Well, this is a good place to try and make friends. I've been getting to know a couple people little by little. What are your interests?

Yes I struggle with this between not wanting to be with people I don't know as I'm not comfortable with anyone outside of close family.  But then having a need to have friends. At work yesterday I felt awful as all the team seems close apart from me. It makes me feel sad.  But then I have to remind myself that I avoid them as much as I can because I don't actually like most of them.  They talk about each other negatively quite a bit when some aren't there.  But to their face they act as if they love each other.  It is not nice to witness. I really don't want to be part of that.  So get annoyed at myself for feeling sad. So I shook it off yesterday. 

Sorry I don't have advice but do understand what you're meaning. 

I think it's about working out what you really need in friendships, combined with what you want, and finding a middle ground.  

I spent years thinking I was a social butterfly who could handle having loads of friends but I was wrong. I thought I liked online only friendships but I was wrong. 

I've gone through a lot which has made me quite guarded though. I'm very careful when it comes to allowing someone into my life as a friend now. 

I'm also interested in advice. I crave friendships but I'm not the kind of friend who will want to go out and meet up with people. I dislike leaving my house alone and would have to be extremely comfortable to actually go out and about with someone who isn't close family or my partner. I think a lot of people don't enjoy online friendships though. 

I hope you get the advice you need!