I need to stop being a people pleaser

I'm willing to be of service, but I do get burnout; as a result.

The important thing is 'Me Time'. I don't socialise much, but whenever I do it's important.

I stopped trying to be a people pleaser when I realised I'm just no good at it. 

Partly because no matter WHAT you do, how far you go to meet the other person halfway it's NEVER enough to please them for long.

The default setting for all human beings seems to be relentless selfishness, only matched by our abilty to project our own failngs onto others... 

"Standardised" early life moral training can blunt those tendencies quite a bit, but then that creates tribal behavior where groups of people now act selfishly and project their failings onto other groups of people.

Being a people pleaser (at least when I tried it, and in my experience of other people trying it on me) deliberately is essentially a selfish act, where one hopes that by lpeasing others they will treat you a little kinder, and perhaps give you some of what you need, but as many have noted here, it rarely works.

And sometimes "people pleasing" attemptsis are a red flag to others, and will INVITE perecution, not ward it off. 

Happiness is a bit like money, if you don't have any of your own, you can't share any with others.

Unconditoinal love however, is a very different thing to people pleasing.

I'm getting busy now, so If the reader is not sure what I mean by unconditional love, may I suggest a trip to you tbe and a listen to the GARY CLAIL track, "Magic penny" teh msic wn;t be to everyoens (anyones?) taste but the words (enunciated by a very small child by the sound of it)  are quite wise and informative on this matter.

This reminds me of the Inksie sketch. "Where are these pleased people? The peoples are not pleased! Where are the pleased people?!"

When I was looking for work I had advisors who would tell me to go to an open day or a job interview that made me uncomfortable but I'd say yes 

Thank God I finally got out of this situation 

I also had a relationship once where u would basically be "asked" if I was going the pub or if I'd stay home alone so she could go thr pub I'd always agree but it always made my life harder 

At work I agree to alot of cover work but I have a rule if people want cover for a night out or something not important o say no

I am the exact opposite.  A whirling dervish of opinion that needs to be more of a people pleaser.

I used to be like that, until I realised that by trying to avoid hurting others I was really only hurting myself. So what if I didn't go to a works party? Nobody misses people that aren't there, they know they'll see them the next working day so they just get on and enjoy themselves.

Like you I also had an overbearing parent - perhaps that is part of what makes someone a people pleaser, because I'm sure some NT people.are like that too.

I get you. I almost became a Jehovah's Witness once because I answered the door thinking it was from Amazon.

No I'm not kidding.

I get that, people can get really snotty when you say no thankyou, especially when its something they think will be good for you. When people ask me why I don't want to do something, I ask why they want me too? They often come out with a load of rubbish, that I keep turning back at them, until they go away out of frustration, soon they stop asking, then you ahve a period of feeling upset that nobody appears to want you to do stuff anymore, that quickly turns into relief that they're not hassling you.

You 100% need to start putting yourself first. I can relate to not wanting to disappoint your friends when you have plans etc but if they truly are you friends who care for you they're not going to mind if you cancel when you don't feel up to it. 

You're going to end up in a burn out if you keep pushing yourself to do things you don't want to do just to please others. I don't really have any advice on how to start putting yourself first but I hope you manage to.