Published on 12, July, 2020
I have always been a "yes man". I always go along with other people to avoid being seen as lazy or not interested. Even if I can't keep those promises for whatever reason and that leads to people being disappointed.
I always struggle to say no, or that an activity or place is difficult for me to get to or if I'm not well enough to stick it out to the end.
I should say that the people I'm talking about are the job centre, social workers, volunteering organisations, etc. Often thanks to my sometimes overbearing parent I'm made to feel like I am in debt to these people.
I stopped trying to be a people pleaser when I realised I'm just no good at it.
Partly because no matter WHAT you do, how far you go to meet the other person halfway it's NEVER enough to please them for long.
The default setting for all human beings seems to be relentless selfishness, only matched by our abilty to project our own failngs onto others...
"Standardised" early life moral training can blunt those tendencies quite a bit, but then that creates tribal behavior where groups of people now act selfishly and project their failings onto other groups of people.
Being a people pleaser (at least when I tried it, and in my experience of other people trying it on me) deliberately is essentially a selfish act, where one hopes that by lpeasing others they will treat you a little kinder, and perhaps give you some of what you need, but as many have noted here, it rarely works.
And sometimes "people pleasing" attemptsis are a red flag to others, and will INVITE perecution, not ward it off.
Happiness is a bit like money, if you don't have any of your own, you can't share any with others.
Unconditoinal love however, is a very different thing to people pleasing.
I'm getting busy now, so If the reader is not sure what I mean by unconditional love, may I suggest a trip to you tbe and a listen to the GARY CLAIL track, "Magic penny" teh msic wn;t be to everyoens (anyones?) taste but the words (enunciated by a very small child by the sound of it) are quite wise and informative on this matter.