Diagnosed on Tuesday

Thank you for mentioning that you did not get a formal diagnosis. I don't think I will be able to afford to get one, I have been seeing a therapist. I had been diagnosed as having anxiety for many years, but it would never get better, even after medication and many, many coping methods and self-help books. I went back to therapy again to "work on my anxiety" and my therapist asked some questions. She mentioned it could be ADHD or autism. She gave me some assessments, and autism is seeming to fit my life experience much more than ADHD (although some symptoms seem applicable). I would love to get a diagnosis for peace of mind, but I'm a single mom and don't think I can really justify the cost. It has been a better explanation for "my anxiety." I don't feel as much of a failure knowing it was likely more due to overstimulation than me not doing enough to address my anxiety. My family does not believe I am autistic (I am female, so I think I just mask really well). My boyfriend wouldn't believe I had ADHD, so I didn't want to tell him I thought I was autistic. I feel very lonely not being able to talk to anyone about it. I am going to try to talk to a co-worker, just so I feel like someone knows in my world. It's just so lonely right now.

Like anything with life, you will eventually accept yourself because that's how we move forward. And acceptance takes time - and there is no exact timeline for that (annoyingly).

When my daughter was diagnosed last year, I had to understand what that really meant. The more I learned, the more I started suspecting that I might be autistic too (the assessor mentioned that there could be a genetic link among other things). The more I questioned myself, the more doubts that also fed into my mind. Was this really who I was? It just raised too many questions I couldn't answer.

What led to anger and a feeling of being fed up was that I wondered if I had wasted all my life trying to be someone I was never meant to be. I thought back on all the times over so many years where I tried so hard to fit in with other people, to try my best at building relationships... and maybe it turned out I was never capable of that? Was I always destined to fail? I was not happy with that feeling.

After a lot of time and talking to a therapist, I started slowly thinking differently. Such as instead of forcing myself to find lots of friends, as it looks like everyone else can naturally do, that maybe I just need one or two. I started thinking about what I needed and what would make me happy, rather than what the crowd seems to be doing. Letting go of this anger and, in a way, grief for a life I thought I was supposed to have helped slowly lead to acceptance, and feeling happier with who I am. Now, I feel I finally understand my true identity for the first time ever.

Side note - I chose not to get diagnosed (making me feel a bit of a fraud sometimes). I went back and forth a lot on that, wondering if that would help me, like that would solve everything. Some wise words from someone in this community said that with or without a diagnosis, I would still be the same person. So I chose to believe in myself and accept who I was, without needing a bit of paper saying it. Making decisions like that helped me move forward too.

I suppose what I'm saying is that it is natural to feel lots of complex emotions and question and doubt yourself, but time will pass and eventually you may realise that they sort of fade away bit by bit. Just trust that, somehow, things will work out.

Hi! Congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community!

During the period following a diagnosis it can be common - especially for late-diagnosed adults - for us to experience emotional dysregulation - so please don't worry, this is normal! This can include working through a phase where we experience (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more.

The NAS has a great set of articles focused around diagnosis, including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months - you might find them of interest and/or helpful:

NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis

NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis

In terms of what - specifically - to do next, my advice at this point (ie so soon after your diagnosis on Tuesday) would be to try and give yourself some time and breathing space to process and absorb everything that you've been through, and let your feelings settle down.

For me, as for many others here, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of the start of a new journey, rather than immediately providing me with lots of solutions for my various difficulties.  

The replies from the previous posters are good ones. I am just over a year on from my diagnosis and it had a great effect on me. I went through months of denial, grief for a lost life of missed opportunities and even anger.

I can't tell you its all good and rosie but you do have to take time to just let the news sink in and process it. Do the usual read some books on adult autism, check to see if there is any support services in your area for a post diagnostic needs assessment ( good luck they are like hens teeth).

But.

Be kind to yourself when getting to know your autistic self. Masking is akin to an onion in that you have to peel back the layers to see what is inside. There is no right or wrong way, just go at the pace you are comfortable. 

Thank you, Mark.

I have waves of intense emotion and have cried a hell of a lot. 
I wasn’t expecting to feel this emotional, because you go through life getting used to how you are and you know yourself you’re different to everyone.

i need to learn to be kind to myself.

Thank you!️ 

I'm two months in - the best I can say for where to start is, don't start anywhere - just let it sink in for a while. Go through the normal stages, denial, anger, grief etc. Stick around here and see if anything is useful here.

Thank you so much for your reply and kind words. 
it’s really appreciated

Congratulations on your autism diagnosis. I was diagnosed last year, aged 41. I'm struggling with post-diagnosis grief more than ever, and I'm going to make a YouTube video about it. 

You're allowed to cry and then cry some more. 'I don't really know who I truly am and that is the hardest thing' sums it up perfectly, You are not alone - there are so many late-diagnosed autistic adults experiencing grief, anger, and depression because they went through years of confusion and pain due to not knowing they're autistic.

This is where the autism community comes in. Keep sharing and seeking support.