I believe everyone is bisexual what does everyone else think

I doubt that. You're taking your personal feelings and applying it to millions of people. If you want to dabble in lesbianism, then just go ahead, you do you. It sounds like you are ashamed about the optics.

if the guy says hes gay but hes flirting with girls then perhaps he is just wanting to make you think he is gay... maybe he thought you was trying to come onto him and he wanted to reject you without rejecting you? .... did you ask if he is single? sometimes that can do it as if you ask if a dude is single it sounds like your into them and trying to see if they are single so you can ask them out, by then claiming to be gay the man avoids having to reject you which would make him feel bad to do so.

I appreciate people’s comments on this discussion like I said I don’t think I could ever date a woman only men I find both genders sexual attractive but have a preference which is men. I just wanted to see what everyone else thought about the subject really. 

So can men, if they find out a woman they don't fancy is attracted to them, they can be quite cruel in their rejections too.

I was effeminate, as a young boy. Preferring the company of girls.

Why I didn't become Gay was due to puberty. However, I became smutty; as a teenage boy. That turned the girls off.

As a man, I became sexually frustrated. I ended up becoming fat and unkempt. Playing the stereotype to a t.

I think sexual preferences can be quite ebb and flow. I’ve only ever dated men (I’m a woman btw), but when I was a student I had a very close female friend who was bi and I was tempted. She was just so lovely and I did love her platonically, and so I was beginning to feel ‘why not?’.  She was ‘attractive’ in every other sense, and the more I gave the idea serious thought I realised I could find her attractive in a sexual way too - it wasn’t a big leap to make. However then I moved away and met my (now) husband - and from then on I was never sexually attracted to a woman again. So I don’t view sexually as a ‘fixed’ thing - I think it’s more dependent on lots of factors and that if the conditions are right then I think most people might consider same sex relationships. One of my adult children is non-binary/bi. I think people just have to follow their heart at the time basically. And it can change as one goes through life. 

Is that common?

I know that women can often be offended when someone who is ugly asks them out, maybe the same thing is going on here - people for some reason get offended if the "wrong" person finds them attractive, and it gives them the ick.

When a gay man has come onto me I've never been offended, in fact I usually take it as a compliment, and just tell them I'm not gay, which they have always been fine with. In fact I've found gay men to be very gracious and polite and honest when it comes to that kind of stuff. I think it would be a lot easier to be gay because there wouldn't be all the games to play with women sending "signals" and expecting me to read their mind. I've had some very bad experiences with women in bars and clubs coming onto me, they always seem to get offended and then insult me after I haven't flirted back correctly (usually I don't even realise they are interested but they think I'm rejecting them).

I can't see how this could be true. Closeted men being homophobic is a thing, but it doesn't mean every heterosexual man is secretly gay.

I have no attraction whatsoever to the same sex, in fact the thought of it and images/videos of it repulse me and disgust me (not intentional or hateful, it's just the automatic reaction I have always had). That's pretty common from what I understand. There was a study done where men's disgust response to seeing two men kissing was found to be the same as seeing maggots.

I can still tell if a man is attractive of course, but have no desire to ever do anything with them sexually. The ability to tell attractiveness must be universal and unrelated to sex, whereas motivation to do sexual things is probably very strongly selected towards something that would result in offspring, but it is a spectrum (gay and bisexual people exist and some people might be in-between). We also know that your sexuality can be modified by childhood experiences, so the change in environment in the last decade will probably lead to a lot more fluid sexuality in the future.

Kudos for dressing how you want! That is great!

I'm always suspected to be same-sex attracted because of the way I dress. Even my family thought I was same-sex attracted while growing up, and I assume many other people do as well, and still do. However, I'm boringly heterosexual. I've never "felt that way" with the same sex, never anything romantic, nor anything sexual. I have felt something for the opposite sex, which I suppose is why I'm heterosexual. 

I remember being at a fashion show with my parents when I was in my teens, which had included a disco afterwards. I'd had my eyes on one of the male models, who I considered to be incredibly physically attractive and had been plucking up the courage to ask if he would like to dance with me. In those days, I was much more confident than I am now.

As I tentatively approached the male model (who was several years older than me), he approached my dad and asked him if he would like to dance. Rather than feeling offended, my dad smiled at the model, pointed at my mother, and said, "Thank you for the offer, but I don't think my wife would be too thrilled about it." More than anything, I think my dad was amused.

This is pure speculation, but I do wonder if the reason why some heterosexual men take offence at being chatted up by gay men is due to fear. If they are the kind of man who has a cave-man mentality, maybe there's a fear that they may be inadvertently giving out the wrong signals, which scares the heck out of them. Alternatively, they could just be complete homophobes, and the kind of man who would also take offence at a woman being attracted to another woman.

I’m definitely in the gay male category ie: same -sex relationships.  But if you’re bisexual, that’s your business not mine.

TheCatWoman said:

I think you were being sexually harrassed by your collegue and these days you'd have grounds for a grievance procedure.

I was working as a contractor in Germany at the time and my "rights" were somewhat limited, plus my manager was a real blokes bloke so I would never have got it lodged.

The gay guy was a great laught in the office - really fun and out there but he kept trying to persuade me into a threesome with his boyfriend, even suggesting he would persuade another colleague (a rather attractive lady also in the team) to join in to keep me distracted while he, err, provided the services).

It made me quite uncomfortable but to be fair I also have been propositioned by a women of similar, err, flexible morals, to engage in some acrobatics and that had a similar effect in making me uncomfortable - more from the fact I wanted to be faithful to my new wife at the time than because it was an unappealing offer.

I guess in todays age when the likes of pegging is more common (don't look it up if you don't know what it is - very NSFW) then some of the fear of the penetration is less likely for the progressively minded. For me it was a mix of that plus the instilled social aversion to the very idea (heck, what if I like it!) that made the knee jerk reaction so strong.

I've since been out in gay bars with family and friends, danced on the stage like a loony and seen all sorts of stuff that I no longer have a fear or aversion for it. It is more that it does nothing to attract me I guess - I'm much more of a boob and ladyparts fan.

Having said that, one of our gay friends spends a lot of time in drag (slim, asian guy) and he actually looks really hot when dressed up. I realise that any attraction is to do with the fact he represents female attributes to me and I'm not visualising the meat and two veg under the dress.

That may be a bit too much detail I realise. Sorry.

I know being gay was a different experience when I and presumably Iain too were young, but it's something I've heard from men much more recently and they just start spluttering incoherant nonsense when asked.

Iain I think you were being sexually harrassed by your collegue and these days you'd have grounds for a grievance procedure.

In general I don't notice if someones chatting me up or anything, in some cases I didn't realise for years, I just think people are being friendly, some guys do try and take things further and I'm totally confused wondering where that came from. It has got me into trouble either with an existing partner or when some guys got stroppy, luckily I can look after myself, verbally and physically if nessercary.

I just can't get my head around why some people particularly men get offended and can't just say thank but no thanks. I've been chatted up by women and said thanks but no thanks and its never been a problem.

I do think a lot of women go to gay bars because they won't  get hassled by men and can just have a good time with thier friends.

I have seen a friend of a friend want to exit an openly gay friendly dance club that we went to within seconds of arrival, never mind getting as far as getting chatted up - score one for you!

But, I have also seen a close friend who is as blokey and hetero as they come get chatted up and he was absolutely delighted! He was genuinely flattered.

These are both 20+ years ago.

I think people only really tend to hear about the bad experiences.

TheCatWoman said:

One of the things I really don't get, is why hetro men get so offended at being chatted up or found attractive by gay men,

Been there, felt that (although 2 decades ago) with a very camp co-worker who was constantly trying to persuade me to have a threesome with his boyfriend.

I think there are several reasons at play here:

1 - (remember this was over 20 years ago so pre-woke) hertro males had a tendency to demonise gays and think there was something dirty and deviant about them. As this was fairly vocal amongst the men then it was clear this was a signal I was picking up as it being a social rule.

2 - The co-worker kept saying that all men are closet gays and a giving me a BJ wouldn't make me gay. Challenging my moral compass was offending to me.

3 - If I was seen to be even considering it then I would be ridiculed by my peers.

There may also be an aspect of jealousy as the gay community seem to have a great time and appear much less inhibited typically than hertro groups.

Over time I have made friends with a lot of gays, including gay couples through my wifes work in fashion and I don't feel offended by their sometimes blunt and persistant propositioning - I guess I scripted some effective responses as I've not offended any of them yet.

All the above is in my opinion of course.

One of the things I really don't get, is why hetro men get so offended at being chatted up or found attractive by gay men, why can't they just say thanks but no thanks the same as so many women do?

I am grimly heterosexual, I even find it difficult to comprehend how women find men sexually attractive. There is some evidence that women's sexual preferences are, in general, somewhat more flexible than men's. Men tend to be more 'hard wired' for one form of sexual preference.

As a woman I can look at other women and think "She's pretty, lovely eyes, etc" but not in a romantic or sexual way. It's more acknowledging she has beauty and usually makes me wish I look like she does Whereas when I look at men I do feel attracted to some of them, it's very much a case of ooh he's cute and when I look at women, ooh her hair is gorgeous I wonder what hairspray she uses. Even during my teens I never got attracted to other females-they don't appeal to me the same way men do. 

100% heteroromantic here. Never felt romantically attracted to males whatsoever.