Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi really want to talk about this and get other people’s opinions really. I genuinely believe that everyone is bisexual I am I know that but I see myself as a hetro romantic. I will admit that I find women attractive and think I would like a bit of that but when it comes down to dating I date men I can’t see myself getting together with a woman. I also know this person who swears that he is gay I knew straight away he wasn’t it was a cover up. I caught him once sending women flirty messages on his phone but I never called him up on it as it’s his business and not mine. As a woman on the spectrum I don’t know really I’m just curious as to what everyone else thinks. Like I said I find women sexual attractive but I would date a man rather than a woman. Please feel free to share your opinions on this topic. I mean no offence to this post I’m just curious really is it just me that thinks this or does anyone else.
One of the things I really don't get, is why hetro men get so offended at being chatted up or found attractive by gay men, why can't they just say thanks but no thanks the same as so many women do?
Is that common?
I know that women can often be offended when someone who is ugly asks them out, maybe the same thing is going on here - people for some reason get offended if the "wrong" person finds them attractive, and it gives them the ick.
When a gay man has come onto me I've never been offended, in fact I usually take it as a compliment, and just tell them I'm not gay, which they have always been fine with. In fact I've found gay men to be very gracious and polite and honest when it comes to that kind of stuff. I think it would be a lot easier to be gay because there wouldn't be all the games to play with women sending "signals" and expecting me to read their mind. I've had some very bad experiences with women in bars and clubs coming onto me, they always seem to get offended and then insult me after I haven't flirted back correctly (usually I don't even realise they are interested but they think I'm rejecting them).
I remember being at a fashion show with my parents when I was in my teens, which had included a disco afterwards. I'd had my eyes on one of the male models, who I considered to be incredibly physically attractive and had been plucking up the courage to ask if he would like to dance with me. In those days, I was much more confident than I am now.
As I tentatively approached the male model (who was several years older than me), he approached my dad and asked him if he would like to dance. Rather than feeling offended, my dad smiled at the model, pointed at my mother, and said, "Thank you for the offer, but I don't think my wife would be too thrilled about it." More than anything, I think my dad was amused.
This is pure speculation, but I do wonder if the reason why some heterosexual men take offence at being chatted up by gay men is due to fear. If they are the kind of man who has a cave-man mentality, maybe there's a fear that they may be inadvertently giving out the wrong signals, which scares the heck out of them. Alternatively, they could just be complete homophobes, and the kind of man who would also take offence at a woman being attracted to another woman.
I have seen a friend of a friend want to exit an openly gay friendly dance club that we went to within seconds of arrival, never mind getting as far as getting chatted up - score one for you!
But, I have also seen a close friend who is as blokey and hetero as they come get chatted up and he was absolutely delighted! He was genuinely flattered.
These are both 20+ years ago.
I think people only really tend to hear about the bad experiences.
TheCatWoman said:One of the things I really don't get, is why hetro men get so offended at being chatted up or found attractive by gay men,
Been there, felt that (although 2 decades ago) with a very camp co-worker who was constantly trying to persuade me to have a threesome with his boyfriend.
I think there are several reasons at play here:
1 - (remember this was over 20 years ago so pre-woke) hertro males had a tendency to demonise gays and think there was something dirty and deviant about them. As this was fairly vocal amongst the men then it was clear this was a signal I was picking up as it being a social rule.
2 - The co-worker kept saying that all men are closet gays and a giving me a BJ wouldn't make me gay. Challenging my moral compass was offending to me.
3 - If I was seen to be even considering it then I would be ridiculed by my peers.
There may also be an aspect of jealousy as the gay community seem to have a great time and appear much less inhibited typically than hertro groups.
Over time I have made friends with a lot of gays, including gay couples through my wifes work in fashion and I don't feel offended by their sometimes blunt and persistant propositioning - I guess I scripted some effective responses as I've not offended any of them yet.
All the above is in my opinion of course.
TheCatWoman,
I wonder if that reaction is because there may be internal attraction there that the "hetero" man is uncomfortable with. The reason I say this is because I used to feel scared if a woman made a move on me and it was due to the fact that you'd get beat up at my school or ridiculed if someone sensed you were attracted to the same sex. I'm still wary of allowing myself to check women out when I'm out for fear of it being noticed. There was a woman today on the bus and I'm sure there was an attraction there as we were both glancing at each other but I was too shy to smile as I still have that uncomfortable feeling. I never had that shy feeling with men, it was always about finding a man to show others I was attractive enough to get someone. The truth underneath was that I loved my best friend but daren't allow anyone to see that. I wish I was just attracted to guys full stop as it'd be much easier, the pool of women is small.....