I believe everyone is bisexual what does everyone else think

One of the things I really don't get, is why hetro men get so offended at being chatted up or found attractive by gay men, why can't they just say thanks but no thanks the same as so many women do?

TheCatWoman said:

One of the things I really don't get, is why hetro men get so offended at being chatted up or found attractive by gay men,

Been there, felt that (although 2 decades ago) with a very camp co-worker who was constantly trying to persuade me to have a threesome with his boyfriend.

I think there are several reasons at play here:

1 - (remember this was over 20 years ago so pre-woke) hertro males had a tendency to demonise gays and think there was something dirty and deviant about them. As this was fairly vocal amongst the men then it was clear this was a signal I was picking up as it being a social rule.

2 - The co-worker kept saying that all men are closet gays and a giving me a BJ wouldn't make me gay. Challenging my moral compass was offending to me.

3 - If I was seen to be even considering it then I would be ridiculed by my peers.

There may also be an aspect of jealousy as the gay community seem to have a great time and appear much less inhibited typically than hertro groups.

Over time I have made friends with a lot of gays, including gay couples through my wifes work in fashion and I don't feel offended by their sometimes blunt and persistant propositioning - I guess I scripted some effective responses as I've not offended any of them yet.

All the above is in my opinion of course.

I know being gay was a different experience when I and presumably Iain too were young, but it's something I've heard from men much more recently and they just start spluttering incoherant nonsense when asked.

Iain I think you were being sexually harrassed by your collegue and these days you'd have grounds for a grievance procedure.

In general I don't notice if someones chatting me up or anything, in some cases I didn't realise for years, I just think people are being friendly, some guys do try and take things further and I'm totally confused wondering where that came from. It has got me into trouble either with an existing partner or when some guys got stroppy, luckily I can look after myself, verbally and physically if nessercary.

I just can't get my head around why some people particularly men get offended and can't just say thank but no thanks. I've been chatted up by women and said thanks but no thanks and its never been a problem.

I do think a lot of women go to gay bars because they won't  get hassled by men and can just have a good time with thier friends.

TheCatWoman said:

I think you were being sexually harrassed by your collegue and these days you'd have grounds for a grievance procedure.

I was working as a contractor in Germany at the time and my "rights" were somewhat limited, plus my manager was a real blokes bloke so I would never have got it lodged.

The gay guy was a great laught in the office - really fun and out there but he kept trying to persuade me into a threesome with his boyfriend, even suggesting he would persuade another colleague (a rather attractive lady also in the team) to join in to keep me distracted while he, err, provided the services).

It made me quite uncomfortable but to be fair I also have been propositioned by a women of similar, err, flexible morals, to engage in some acrobatics and that had a similar effect in making me uncomfortable - more from the fact I wanted to be faithful to my new wife at the time than because it was an unappealing offer.

I guess in todays age when the likes of pegging is more common (don't look it up if you don't know what it is - very NSFW) then some of the fear of the penetration is less likely for the progressively minded. For me it was a mix of that plus the instilled social aversion to the very idea (heck, what if I like it!) that made the knee jerk reaction so strong.

I've since been out in gay bars with family and friends, danced on the stage like a loony and seen all sorts of stuff that I no longer have a fear or aversion for it. It is more that it does nothing to attract me I guess - I'm much more of a boob and ladyparts fan.

Having said that, one of our gay friends spends a lot of time in drag (slim, asian guy) and he actually looks really hot when dressed up. I realise that any attraction is to do with the fact he represents female attributes to me and I'm not visualising the meat and two veg under the dress.

That may be a bit too much detail I realise. Sorry.

TheCatWoman said:

I think you were being sexually harrassed by your collegue and these days you'd have grounds for a grievance procedure.

I was working as a contractor in Germany at the time and my "rights" were somewhat limited, plus my manager was a real blokes bloke so I would never have got it lodged.

The gay guy was a great laught in the office - really fun and out there but he kept trying to persuade me into a threesome with his boyfriend, even suggesting he would persuade another colleague (a rather attractive lady also in the team) to join in to keep me distracted while he, err, provided the services).

It made me quite uncomfortable but to be fair I also have been propositioned by a women of similar, err, flexible morals, to engage in some acrobatics and that had a similar effect in making me uncomfortable - more from the fact I wanted to be faithful to my new wife at the time than because it was an unappealing offer.

I guess in todays age when the likes of pegging is more common (don't look it up if you don't know what it is - very NSFW) then some of the fear of the penetration is less likely for the progressively minded. For me it was a mix of that plus the instilled social aversion to the very idea (heck, what if I like it!) that made the knee jerk reaction so strong.

I've since been out in gay bars with family and friends, danced on the stage like a loony and seen all sorts of stuff that I no longer have a fear or aversion for it. It is more that it does nothing to attract me I guess - I'm much more of a boob and ladyparts fan.

Having said that, one of our gay friends spends a lot of time in drag (slim, asian guy) and he actually looks really hot when dressed up. I realise that any attraction is to do with the fact he represents female attributes to me and I'm not visualising the meat and two veg under the dress.

That may be a bit too much detail I realise. Sorry.