Am I autistic, gay or lost?

yeah thats true but that is something you only find later. looks is the initial first thing and no one gives you a chance past first appearances.

I think there's so much more than looks that makes someone attractive, it's who they are and how they are. I think that as we get older what on the inside starts to show on the face more, it's hard to define the difference between crows feet and laughter lines, but I think there is one, laughter lines tend to point upwards. Some people develop lines around thier lips reminiscent of a cats bum, I think this is from pursed lipped disapproval, rather than wry wondering. Of course the biggest tell is the light in the eyes, does a persons eyes smile along with the rest of the face?

I think there's so much more than looks that makes someone attractive, it's who they are and how they are. I think that as we get older what on the inside starts to show on the face more, it's hard to define the difference between crows feet and laughter lines, but I think there is one, laughter lines tend to point upwards. Some people develop lines around thier lips reminiscent of a cats bum, I think this is from pursed lipped disapproval, rather than wry wondering. Of course the biggest tell is the light in the eyes, does a persons eyes smile along with the rest of the face?

Yes - quite the conundrum. An anonymous pub-free version of speed dating run by the NAS or something like that.

Yes Spikey, I agree that it's about the person you meet as opposed to the labels they have.  I think it'd be amazing if NAS had meet ups so folks online put a name to a face in reality but i also am massively aware of the need to protect vulnerable people hence the ambiguity of this forum. :-)

I can't help with how to meet someone, but I do know that us autistics are prone binary thinking - all or nothing. So, try to remember everyone is a unique individual. You don't have to write off someone who is in the "LGBT community". A mob is more scary than the individuals that make it up, and some may actually be very reasonable.

Eeek that doesn't sound good. How do you meet someone to be a partner with as I've tried the LGBT community, vegan groups and online dating which all left me disillusioned......

As for being gay, as an older gay man myself, I would strongly advise steering well clear of the modern LGBT community, as I have personally experienced and endured how unaccepting, discriminatory, judgemental, hateful, toxic and hypocritical they really are 

ah, i was told i look like theon greyjoy once, and one time with longer hair i was told i look like a discount norman reedus.

from the looks of uthred that is pretty similar to the theon/reedus crossover look lol

I'm a straight woman and I've always prefered men to be tall and wiry, but well muscled, think Utred, from The Last Kingdom, some big burly bloke with so many muscles he can't walk properly or hold his arms by his sides just dosen't do it for me at all and never have.

There are plenty of non scene gay people, people who are gay but aren't activists and just quietly get on with life. If you feel more attracted to women the go for it.

Thank you! I will definately give these a watch!

Hi Debbie,

I'm glad of your reply as it helped reassure me that it's never too late and I think your point about not having to be part of that community simply because of my sexuality is further reassuring.  Thanks for your support. :-)

the average person is generally not attractive like what youd ideally want anyway. 

The rest of the time I've been denying my attraction to females and feel it's too late for me now because I feel the LGBTQIA+ community is too political

I don't quite understand this but I would urge you to do what is good for you.

I've never been part of a community (apart from this online one) and I think that compromising your life because of the community you mention could be harmful to you.

I'm not sure I understand the 'too political' bit either.

What I'm talking about here is not living in a small village, which is also a community and could be quite stifling s*xually, but rather the LGBTQ+ one which I don't see you actually have to pay any heed to or be a part of even if your orientation falls within that group.

Being within that acronym doesn't mean you are part of the 'community' does it?

I'd be keen to know how others see this as maybe my view is unusual?

Anyway, I settled down with someone at 46 and got married at 52 and I know of people who get into relationships far later than me, so I also don't see the 'too late' bit.

I hope I haven't stepped on any toes with this post and apologies if I have.

It's good to know someone else has similar thoughts and feelings isn't it?

I appreciate your kind words and hope the self analysis phase is an accepting one. :-)

Thank you for your message. I completely resonate with always wanting to have a deeper understanding, im the same. 

And I was in my late 20s when I came out and prior to that I’d been with men but just because it was “the norm” but never enjoyed it and it never felt right. So I have an understanding into how you’re feeling. 

Do what’s best for you and make sure you take care of yourself. 

Try watching some of the "Autism fro the inside" videos on youtube. they are very inspiring and insightful.

Thanks Spikey.  That means a lot.  I used to have a sweet lil plant called Spike that looked like your profile pic.  Brilliant name. :-)

I wouldn't worry about the politics and just go for it - it can't be too late. My neighbors are a gay couple and they are always moaning about the 'official' community, so I wouldn't worry about that aspect.