Party fear

Can you take another friend with you? A lot of invites include a plus 1.

You Will Always Find Me in the Kitchen at Parties (Jona Lewey - that how it's spelt?)

Great song Debbie.

Debbie said:

ou got me listening to Party Fears Two by the Associates

I feel for you with this. I would feel the exact same way. Could you talk to your friend? Explain how you feel and what you're worried about and then she might be able to help settle your anxieties with this.

Large gatherings are always scary especially when you know no one there really but it could also be a lot of fun for you and as you want to go I'm sure your friend would want to help you be less anxious.

I always turn down party invitations because of my anxiety but I think talking to your friend is definitely a good place to start with this. 

I hope you can work something out x.

I guess this has turned into a song related features also post

If so I'm add last Friday night for the lols

BrokenBiscuits said:

Do people know about your Autism?

First of all she knows about it but I don't think she actually knows what austism is just that it makes me act different

Debbie said:

Are you able to say no, even retrospectively?

It one of those things where I wanna say no but I also want to go because of my feelings and fact she a good friend and I have a feeling ill finally be able to meet the people I hear her moan about a fair bit. I also hear about the good people too

Oh, and if we're doing song related features - After Every Party I Die, by IAMX

Hush May Collection 2024 (youtube.com)

Oversharing is an ASD occupational hazard so I will do my best not to pry too much.

First off - you are in good company, I would genuinely rather have surgery than go to a party. Horrible. So know that everything I write comes with love and empathy.

Do people know about your Autism?

The reason I ask, is post-diagnosis it gave me a certain allowance for acting in ASD ways (aka "Odd" ways) in public. When people know I'm autistic, although they won't know a lot about the condition, I feel comfortable saying things like "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to step out for a minute, I feel a bit overwhelmed with everything".

Do you feel comfortable saying to your friend something along the lines of "Because of my autism, I feel a bit worried about your party. I want to celebrate your day with you, but I'm really nervous that all the new people will feel a bit much for me, I just wanted to say something because I don't want people to think I'm being weird".

If you did, I would hope that your friend would understand and maybe prepare people.  I find that when people know, most people are happy to understand more.

Good luck sister ️

That came into my mind as well! 

You got me listening to Party Fears Two by the Associates:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KybfTKNl2NM

I went to parties out of obligation when I was young and only have dreadful memories of them, so I can't offer reassurance.

When I reached a point where I felt I could, I said no.

Are you able to say no, even retrospectively?

Saying no is hard but it's something we need to do where we can (without causing a relationship rift).

I usually say no however I didn't this time for some reason maybe because she was excited to invite me I don't know

Anticipatory dread is the worst. Maybe you could just have a discrete and honest chat with your friend, disclosing your diagnosis (if you haven't already) and how well-intentioned things can cause you stress that you'd need to manage or maybe even avoid when there are too many unknowns. Maybe she can reassure you that some of your worst imaginings aren't going to play out like that. Though it's not that long ago I had a major internal freak-out and several days of paranoid overthink when an unexpected fifth person (a stranger to me) showed up at a small dinner gathering I was told would be just us four. Everyone else was in on it, and the weirdness of it being sprung on me, and the spiralling thoughts about 'is this a social intervention?' etc. had me in a bad state and in major fight or flight mode. Cue extreme masking and a long recovery. 

Do what you can to make things comfortable for yourself. A good friend will always understand, even if there has to be a compromise of some sort (some, but reduced, discomfort - maybe a guaranteed quiet space or pre-planned excuse to go early should you need it). 

I feel for you and I'd be in as much of a flap as you are, I can't offere any advice or anything because I routinely turn down any invitations, I'm quite out about things like social phobia, so I say no and why I'm saying no right at the begining.