Published on 12, July, 2020
Hiya all so in May I got a party that honestly I'm semi panicking over
So my friend invited me to her birthday party and I will know no one else there besides her and I believe she told some of the others whom will be there about me. so i fear they have developed a image of me that I won't be able to live up to
We met through "work" it hard to explain without sharing too much personal information
My asd traits also means I struggle with large crowds occasionally and I have awful social skills and a massive want to live up to people expectations of me
Anticipatory dread is the worst. Maybe you could just have a discrete and honest chat with your friend, disclosing your diagnosis (if you haven't already) and how well-intentioned things can cause you stress that you'd need to manage or maybe even avoid when there are too many unknowns. Maybe she can reassure you that some of your worst imaginings aren't going to play out like that. Though it's not that long ago I had a major internal freak-out and several days of paranoid overthink when an unexpected fifth person (a stranger to me) showed up at a small dinner gathering I was told would be just us four. Everyone else was in on it, and the weirdness of it being sprung on me, and the spiralling thoughts about 'is this a social intervention?' etc. had me in a bad state and in major fight or flight mode. Cue extreme masking and a long recovery.
Do what you can to make things comfortable for yourself. A good friend will always understand, even if there has to be a compromise of some sort (some, but reduced, discomfort - maybe a guaranteed quiet space or pre-planned excuse to go early should you need it).