People saying things they don’t mean

Yes I agree. I wouldn't ask someone unless I meant it. 

I think they just love being told what they want to hear and that’s enough to massage their egos. Then they can walk around for that day safe in the knowledge that someone wants to be their friend. 

Sorry does that sound mean? It is kinda how I see it though 

HMO said:

, I'd never say I'd want to meet someone if I don't because it's not fair on them.

I wouldn't either.

People don't want an honest answer! Well, maybe we do.

But NT people, No. 

I've been guilty of it myself, so I can't criticise others for doing it. The avoiding confrontation bit anyway, I'd never say I'd want to meet someone if I don't because it's not fair on them.

It's almost always the end of the conversation. 

Perhaps it means - "I don't really want to talk to you any more, I can't think of anything else to say, so I'll say our conversation will continue another time.

Then I can escape"

Or variations.

Probably It's so socially embedded It's just a normal way of ending a conversation without a second thought.

It's exactly this, a polite fiction. 

Not suggesting to meet up would not in any way upset me. There is simply no need or point in suggesting it. In fact a conversation that was going very nicely becomes awkward as soon as they do it.

Well, ok, that sort of makes sense, avoiding confrontation.

But the whole making pretend arrangements to meet thing, which both parties know are a fiction...

It's bizarre. 

Sometimes it's like looking into a goldfish bowl from the outside.

I think some of it is people are vague and like to leave things open. I've fallen foul far too many times of friends saying "oh that sounds good!" at a suggestion and I take that to mean "it's definitely hsppening". It happened a lot when I was younger and realised it's when people are considering if better offers might come in! I'm fortunate the people around me now, I can either a) understand and accept the vagueness - or b) they're like me or c) they're "control freaks" themselves

Also, thinking about someone I know who might ask me who I'd rather not see. I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings.  Do the people here want an honest answer? You might not want to hear it!

out_of_step said:

Or they're desperate. 

relates to point 1

Or they're desperate and everyone else is busy!

Amerantin (former member) said:

The ones I really don't understand are those who text you out of the blue after months or years to, let's face it, lie.

It is either because:

1 - they want something you can provide.

or

2 - they are just updating their contacts to keep in touch (something talked about on this forum recently)

Try to accept it as normal as a rainy day - it just is what it is and it is best to know how to deal with it.

It's definitely largely an "avoiding confrontation" thing, especially if both parties don't know how to express it without potentially upsetting each other.

Amerantin (former member) said:

The ones I really don't understand are those who text you out of the blue after months or years to, let's face it, lie.

Who does understand that? It's like they just remembered you exist and feel compelled to remind you that they know that. 

Again, the point escapes me.

Pegg said:

I still don't get it. What's the point?

That's like asking why people say "good morning" to one another when they meet in the morning - it is a social convention.

Do you question why people use a greeting like this and not just ignore one another? The logic of social conventions is abstract most of the time.

We as autists are particularly poor at understanding these conventions so it pays to learn about them. That was the point I was making to stop it confusing or upsetting others like us.

Exactly! I get it too, and as soon as they say something like that to me I just feel like "oh so we're openly lying to each other now, see ya!".  

The ones I really don't understand are those who text you out of the blue after months or years to, let's face it, lie.

I understand, by now, that people saying these things, with no sincerity whatsoever, is merely an NT social ritual.

But I still don't get it. What's the point? 

out_of_step said:

I said I'd add her on Facebook. I'm not on Facebook. 

That's evil and I like it!

Amerantin (former member) said:

WHY do people say this?

This is the neurotypical way - over 90% of the population are in this category so it is best to understand it and take such notifications from them with a big pinch of salt.

For me the key was not to take people literally - these polite invitations are a very normal social smokescreen used to pretend they are interested rather than saying what they mean (in most cases they mean "oh god, its that freak again - I'll pretend to be nice in the hope that they go away")

There are loads of these social constructs in use for NTs so it is well worth investing time to read up on them so you understand what is expected in conversation with them.

You may as well complain about how self serving and ineffectual any government becomes - this is just a fact of life that it benefits to understand and deal with accordingly.