People saying things they don’t mean

I understand, by now, that people saying these things, with no sincerity whatsoever, is merely an NT social ritual.

But I still don't get it. What's the point? 

Pegg said:

I still don't get it. What's the point?

That's like asking why people say "good morning" to one another when they meet in the morning - it is a social convention.

Do you question why people use a greeting like this and not just ignore one another? The logic of social conventions is abstract most of the time.

We as autists are particularly poor at understanding these conventions so it pays to learn about them. That was the point I was making to stop it confusing or upsetting others like us.

Pegg said:

I still don't get it. What's the point?

That's like asking why people say "good morning" to one another when they meet in the morning - it is a social convention.

Do you question why people use a greeting like this and not just ignore one another? The logic of social conventions is abstract most of the time.

We as autists are particularly poor at understanding these conventions so it pays to learn about them. That was the point I was making to stop it confusing or upsetting others like us.

Absolutely!

I’d also they that is a particularly unhelpful convention as it requires blatant dishonesty.

Iain said:

There is no case being made for NTs or NDs being superior, but when a minority of society struggles with a convention that the overwhelming majority of society uses then I think it is in the minorities own interest to find a way to understand and accept the convention, however odd it may seem to us.

I am not saying that I don't accept this convention, it's just that many of us don't see the point in them. 

Glad you agree!

I had noted your absence.

And I had noticed your return but failed to acknowledge it, for which I apologise.

Ben

Ben said:

and what a lot of bother that can cause!

Welcome back Ben

I had noted your absence.

Yes, I was thinking about that in relation to this thread.

I had a secretarial job interview once for the Anglican Cathedral and was asked 'what role do you think that the Church plays nowadays in ordinary lives' and my reply was 'I think it's irrelevant to most people except for births, deaths and marriages.

Needless to say, I didn't get the job.

We (autistics) are very straightforward and tend to say what we mean and mean what we say.

...... and what a lot of bother that can cause!

Ben

Ausomely Autistic said:

We are not ‘poor’ at understanding these conventions, it’s just that we question these conventions because we value authenticity and don’t see the point in superficial interactions

I think that’s it in a nutshell

Ausomely Autistic said:

I don’t think it’s helpful to view some people as superior just because of their position in society when actually we are all human.

There is no case being made for NTs or NDs being superior, but when a minority of society struggles with a convention that the overwhelming majority of society uses then I think it is in the minorities own interest to find a way to understand and accept the convention, however odd it may seem to us.

This is to find a way to reduce stress on us - heck some of us may not feel the colours of a traffic light are logical so each time we see one we feel a sense of frustration of why not use red, green and violet as logically spaced spectrum colours.

We could all do without stress and it is completely unrealistic to expect NTs to start making sense in the way we want so we are better off to understand them and accept their flawed ways.

More of a realits take on the situation than an idealists.

Iain said:

We as autists are particularly poor at understanding these conventions so it pays to learn about them. That was the point I was making to stop it confusing or upsetting others like us.

We are not ‘poor’ at understanding these conventions, it’s just that we question these conventions because we value authenticity and don’t see the point in superficial interactions. I am not suggesting that non autistics don’t value authenticity, it’s just our need for honesty and direct communication makes us question why these things exist in the first place.

Another key point to consider is that many neurotypical people (not neurodivergent) value social hierarchy whereas our autistic community (particularly PDAers) see everyone as equal. This is not to say that I don’t understand why social hierarchy exists (I do) it’s just that I don’t think it’s helpful to view some people as superior just because of their position in society when actually we are all human.

Iain said:

Do you question why people use a greeting like this and not just ignore one another? The logic of social conventions is abstract most of the time.

We as autists are particularly poor at understanding these conventions so it pays to learn about them.

Yes, it's very much to do with autistic and allistic styles of conversation.

We (autistics) are very straightforward and tend to say what we mean and mean what we say.