Had enough

I so relate to this. You have expressed virtually my whole thought process and I understand how isolating it is. There is absolutely no one to talk to. Everything is a fight, there is no respite and no one really cares. I had an upset with my manager today, she told me that she had ‘to walk on eggshells’ round me. This was a massive trigger to me having been told that many times before. I just get upset and start to cry and today I have not really stopped. I am fortunate that there things I can do to try and sort out a solution but it seems that it is always down to me. I like my job very much but this one is heading down the same route as all the rest!  Thank you for posting, it has made me feel better to know that there is one person out there who gets it. I would like an advocate or someone trustworthy to help me navigate the work place, but I guess I shall have to do this myself

I have resigned from good jobs as a result of feeling the same. But i never regretted it. It was the right thing to do at the time. Now, i work few hours in a job that is less demanding. When i look back i dont know how i did those jobs full time. My ability has reduced now. I actually dont know how i got here.

Follow your instinct. Nothing is forever x

Sloan said:

Thankyou. I think being on this forum does really help as it just makes you feel that other people understand.

My sentiments exactly! 

This forum is a place of like-minded people who do care and understand. This means we can support each other when needed, something I've never found in real life.

Don't listen to people telling you to stop worrying etc.

If only it was that easy! 

You're doing fine as you are and you will get there, we can offer all the support in the world and help you when you need it.

Take care x

Oh maybe this is what I need to do?! It makes sense. 
I feel like people are starting to hate me because of my reactions to things, and maybe if I was honest they would realise that it is not ever done with intent, but just because it’s my thought process.

i think I always thought of telling people at work being a negative thing. I feel like all I’ve heard is negative experiences with it. So it’s really good to hear something positive and in a similar story to mine. 

I will have a good think over the weekend about whether I do tell people.

Thankyou :) 

May I ask if there is a reason why you're not open about your diagnosis?

For me, my diagnosis answered a lot of questions, including pointers as to why there have been instances of "discomfort" within the team that I work in. These issues can alomst all be put down to my autistic communication, my eye for detail and my insistance of doing things properly.

The way that I came across WAS affecting other team members, because they didn't understand how I was different to most other people in a workplace environment. I had spoken to my manager and HR about the possibility of me being autistic, but didn't feel comfortable sharing this with a wider audience whilst I was still undiagnosed.

I got my diagnosis in October and that gave me the confidence to share my autism with a wider audience. I drafted a heartfelt email to send to my immediate team colleagues which I shared with my manager and HR first.

Since sharing the emai with the team, I have felt so much support from them. I belive that they don't feel threatened or criticised by me now that they know that I am autistic and what that equates to in terms of how I work with them.

I would encourage you to be more open about your diagnosis as in my experience, sharing has been nothing but a good thing. 

Thanks for your reply. 
I have told my manager and a couple of close colleagues but I’m not open about my diagnosis. I also think people generally don’t really understand autism, I think there’s massive generalisations and assumptions that I’m should be rocking, be obsessed by trains and be super clever (of which none of these apply!) I don’t think people really understand how it affects your thought processes and communication. Anyway that’s my experience of it! 
yes I feel like I’m slowly letting more of my autism out, but I feel this is not a positive thing for me, especially whilst at work!

you’ve given some really good advice. I think I’m so newly diagnosed that I just see all these negatives and am struggling to figure out who I am anymore. 
thankyou :) 

Thankyou. I think being on this forum does really help as it just makes you feel that other people understand. I feel like no one in my actual life can understand at all how I’m feeling and I’m always met with the classic - just stop worrying, just stop thinking, just go to sleep. None of which are possible, realistic or how I function! 

Thankyou. That is all good advice.

My reduced hours got approved today by HR so I’m hoping that that change will actually be a practical step in helping. 

I was told to take much longer off work by my GP and my therapist and I didn’t listen, and now am totally regretting my decision to go back. 
thanks for the link, I’ll take a look :) 

Ah that does really help. 
thank you. 
I think that’s what I wanted more than anything to just not feel quite so alone in all this! 
:) 

Hi Sloan.  Not sure if this helps, but after being diagnosed earlier this year I've found work really difficult as well. I'm 55 and have held down jobs and a career for nearly 40 years.  Have you told anyone at work? Think carefully about whether that could help.  I've told a few people at work and although I found it extremely difficult to do so and they don't know how to deal with it, I have been able to be clear about what triggers me.  I also think that I'm slowly, almost unconsciously, demasking - if that's the right word.  I was told I needed to, but it feels like I'm letting more of my autism out - and why shouldn't I? It's just the small things, that most people wouldn't notice anyway, but it helps me cope.  I also find it very hard to understand why people don't follow rules / play fair, and especially why managers almost condone it, but I try to focus on me and less on what's going on around me.  It's difficult to see, often, but being autistic does make us good at certain things - is it time to reassess what you are good at and try to find a more suitable role where you work, or, difficult though it is, find another job? Take care of yourself. 

I'm sorry you were having a rough time of it yesterday. Life can quickly become overwhelming but it's good you were able to come here and talk about it. Though I can't change your situation I do understand and I hope that in itself will be a little help to you.

Also good to know you have a therapist trained in autism and she is a big help to you. I'm still looking for such a therapist myself.

Look after yourself and keep your spirits up. We are all here with you during these difficult times.

Sloan said:

I’ve recently been off sick for six weeks, returned to work and I feel like everyday is getting worse. I feel in a constant state of overwhelm.

Perhaps you need to examine the factors that contributed to you taking the time off in the first place. I'm assuming it was autistic burnout as a result of work and that's very unlikely to resolve in six weeks. The stresses and pressures at work that caused the burnout are still there when you return.

Returning to the same environment without additional accommodations risks you entering a burnout cycle. Each successive burnout can happen quicker and become progressively harder to come back from.

Sloan said:

I have put in a request to reduce my hours, so waiting for the go ahead from HR. 

That sounds like a good plan and hopefully your request will be approved. Throwing yourself straight back in the same situation and expecting a different result is not realistic. With reduced hours it should be more achievable.

There is a useful article here on recovery from burnout. You've done the initial immediate recovery phase by six weeks of self care. What comes next is the sustained recovery phase, trying to create a 'new normal' that is sustainable and won't send you right back into severe burnout.

https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/autistic-burnout-recovery

Hey Sloan. This is going to be no help whatsoever, but I just wanted to tell you I could easily have written your entire post in every job I have had. I don't know if it helps to know that, but maybe it’ll make you feel a little better knowing it’s not just you :) 

Im actually self employed now and have been for a long time. But I still have those issues in pretty much all other aspects of life.

Tomorrow is a new day :) 

I’m glad to hear you have someone to talk to. I was quite sceptical about therapy for a long time but I feel like the gears in my brain are finally starting to shift and I now really value my Monday sessions.

My mental health journey began at the end of 2020. I think I’d been just barely coping most of my adult life and lockdown just pushed me beyond my limit. I don’t know why it recurred at the end of 2021 and 2022 though. Maybe the lack of daylight and the reflective thoughts many people have at the end of the year?

But I can really empathise with your current position. It’s not quite six months since I was diagnosed and I know it will take a long while yet to wrap my head around it.

Reducing hours is an excellent idea. I considered it earlier this year and have it as a backstop if I start to struggle too much again. In the meantime I’m making little adjustments to try to improve things (headphones and loops have changed my life and people now know that if I’m in a face to face meeting I may pace around, fidget or leave the room for a few minutes). I was very self conscious about this to begin with but that’s better than burning out all the time.

Hm im not sure. That would be interesting to look into. If I find something ill let you know. Im sure it is possible, like some subconsious mind thing or something.

Well uh I pretty much stopped once my family sent me away once in 8th grade for the summer. Said they were tired of me being difficult so uh that worked for me. I still will try to stand up for injustice if it really bothers me but for the most part ive stopped.

I do wonder if unmasking has something to do with it, but can you unmask internally? Like I understand it happening around others and in a physical way, but is it also a thing with your own thought processes? Would I know to mask in my head even if it wasn’t external? God I do not know if that makes any sense whatsoever! 

i think my strong sense of injustice is my worst part of my autism for me. I just can’t let things go without getting involved. Has anything particularly helped you deal with this? 

Thankyou lovely :) 

A link to job coaching for disabled people. https://www.evenbreak.co.uk/article/why-all-candidates-should-visit-the-career-hive. Ideas for things that you can do. Watch studio ghibli movies, they are on netflix I think. Read books. If you like fantasy I would recommend this https://wanderinginn.com/ . Do a funny little dance that nobody else can see. Pretend to be a chicken. Watch this beautiful fantastic. Stand on one leg and touch your nose. See how long you can do it for. These aren't very helpful sorry. What do you enjoy doing?

Thank you for taking the time to respond. 
I am so lucky to have a therapist who specialises in autism in female adults who I am seeing regularly. I wonder if because my diagnosis is still so new I’m still trying to process all of the emotions that come with that, as well as managing everyday life and coping with all my autistic quirks and needs and it’s just all too much for my brain to handle. 
I really don’t want to go off sick, but I know I cannot continue as I am. I have put in a request to reduce my hours, so waiting for the go ahead from HR. 
im so glad you have found something that works for you, that’s so positive for you! Is there something particularly around this time of year that you struggle with? 
I do think the lead up to the festive period is a whole other load of pressure to deal with! 

Sloan said:

feel like I am getting more and more autistic as time goes on! Is that even a thing?! What’s going on?? 

You may be feeling "more autistic" because you are starting to unmask. Maybe your whole life you tried to fit in but now that you know why youre different, you feel like you can be yourself.

I also have a strong sense of injustice and its gotten me into trouble many times.

I hope you figure things out <3

Hey Sloan, I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time just now.

Do you have a therapist you can speak to or could you approach your GP.

I was utterly overwhelmed the last two Decembers and ended up on sick leave for several weeks each time. But this year I’ve been in therapy and on medication (which I hope to stop soon) and while I can’t say everything is now perfect, I do think I’m going to make it to February without sick leave.

Sometimes we just need a little help and compassion.