That feeling of being left behind

I'm definitely prone to latching on to people (!) but it's just a case of allowing myself to feel and not having these extra pressures.

im not sure to be honest.

sometimes a achievement can likely be a rare thing that you can say you have done that not many have done.

or it can also be a thing that was really hard and took effort to do regardless if many others have done it.

so i guess rarity, and effort are both relevant in judging for achievement.

but then again most wouldnt care and their main achievement theyd want is to make a life in which they are happy. such as somehow moving and living in a nice scenic place, like the lake district or cornwall, and living among the nice green pleasant scenery, with lakes or sea access, feeling like life is like a holiday. that id say would be a lifelong achievement as many never get that, we are all stuck in horrible urban slums and ugly areas.

I did the last half on my own. but that's the thing. Does it only count as an achievement if I'm only one of a small number of people to have done it?

everyone climbs mount snowdon now.... theres a massive que for it when you go lol
its nowhere near as impressive or remarkable and unique of being credited in a tv programme.

everyone has climbed mount snowdon, not everyone ever gets on the tv.

Yeah it's rarely constructive sadly. My brain is very black-and-white in terms of how I think so as soon as someone criticises me, it's like "that's it, it's never going to be good enough".

I get you. That internal self-critical voice of self-doubt is one of the biggest struggles. I'm sorry people have said such things to you in the past. Criticism is hard enough from yourself never mind from others. But unless it's constructive, which it doesn't sound like it is, it doesn't need to be true. I know how you feel, it's debilitating sometimes.

I think it comes from a fear of embarrassment when it comes to accepting my own achievements. I have this feeling that someone's going to pop up behind me and tell me that it's all a lie and that I'm actually worthless and have no positive qualities.

It's not just a voice, it's people who have said those things to me in the past. I know that I don't want them to control my life but I often feel like I don't have a choice.

I know, we latch on to stuff like a dog with a bone!

Yeah, I've already learnt the hard way that putting that pressure on myself does more harm than good. It's hard to get out of the habit.

Sure, don't forget though that the vast vast bulk of the human race live and die without having anything to show for it. It's difficult, it's a struggle. When you're old fuddy duddy it's even worse! The pressure is phenomenal.

Thank you for sharing this. 

For myself, I'm coming to realise that achievement is a very personal thing that to some extent must be detached from external validation. I have academically, always achieved, A's in school, First class degree, but the sense of achievement never really landed in these things. I have discovered that a lot of this devaluing of my own achievements i think comes from longing for or expecting external validation. I look to others around me to give the achievements true value. This isn't helpful or useful to personal growth or confidence. The achievements we gain can only be seen truly in their wholeness through our own eyes. Only we ourselves know how much energy, effort, and struggle was overcame to achieve.

The same can be said about other's achievements. We may look at them with envy or longing to achieve something close to that, but in fact the other may themselves not value their own achievement, or it may not be much of an achievement at all.  Perhaps they were in a position of privilege that made the achievement easier, maybe they didn't have to go through anywhere near the amount of struggle or effort that we have to achieve a goal. Maybe it was handed to them. These are things we simply cannot know. And so should not allow their achievements take anything away from what we know about ours. 

Internal achievement, internal growth, reflection, anything is still achievement. It is difficult when you feel so insignificant, but your achievements still matter, and they should matter to no one else more than yourself. I know it is hard, but give yourself credit for even the smallest of things, the meaning comes from within yourself, not what other people think or have 'achieved' in comparison. 

Anyway I've monologued here I'm sorry, I hope some of that makes sense or is useful in any way. Take care.

Yeah, I'm trying to rid myself of these expectations and bars but I'm afraid of going too far the other way and not having anything to show for my life (although admittedly that's where I am now).

I absolutely know what you mean, but I'd be careful though as when you do finally reach that level it can just be replaced by another impossible bar to have to reach.

I'm always suspicious about the concept of 'happiness'. For me it doesn't exist, it's like a null concept.

It's that feeling of "I need to get to this level before I can be happy about myself" and I know that's an unhealthy way of thinking about things. It's something I'm working on but it feels impossibly hard especially when it's actually true that most of the people you know actively dislike you (not remotely an exaggeration on this occasion).

Certainly from the outside other people seem a lot happier than I am, it seems to be one thing after another.

A lot of people feel that way about themselves. There's a myth out there that 'the thing itself' is its own reward. It isn't. It's BS. I mean, if you create a sculpture say, or a painting, what is really the point if no-one else is ever going to see it...?  'Achievement' is a very difficult concept.

You seem to feeling that the grass is greener in a different camp, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be - it would just carry with it different problems!