That feeling of being left behind

It's a constant feeling I've had since I was a teenager. I'm not just talking about lack of success in the friend department but in terms of general life achievements.

I generally don't recognise my achievements cos I think they're not as good as what other people have done. While I have worked on a TV programme and had a credit (on screen), I know people who have gone on to work on films or people who seem to really be hyped up by those around them. 

I've always felt indifferent, insignificant and unremarkable and there's a general feeling that no one would miss me if I was gone. More so now after the last 5 months (where I've had no support network at all). I feel it should spur me on to do more but it doesn't. It feels like every good thing I've ever done means nothing because of the big bad thing I did and I do believe I am a bad person.

I often feel like if the thing I do isn't outwardly, it doesn't count. If I was an impressive singer, I think I'd be more appreciated than something which probably means nothing to people (the TV stuff) or having climbed Mount Snowdon.

I'm really sorry to bring the mood down as I try and avoid doing that on here. It has just been a bit difficult.