Not caring about what other people think

Yeah I'm still in that process of accepting genuine compliments. I would always feel quite awkward about them.

I do worry that people will form a complete idea of me based on how I behave once, even though I have many layers. Be it good or bad. If I get the giggles or whatever, I don't want anyone to think I don't take things seriously.

I've tended to go too far the other way. Punish myself even more etc.

I've been reflecting a lot over the last few months too. Knowing how painful it has been I wouldn't want it to happen again. 

I hope so. Metaphors are alright as long as I can extract some meaning.  

I think I'm still grieving and probably will be for a while, but I'm using the time to adjust to my own company and sort myself out. 

I think as awful as it is right now eventualy you will come out the otherside stronger and wiser, I don't know if you like metaphors but I find they help me explain things and my experiece taught me that altough it took a lot of time, once I learned to weather the storms of life I could start to learn to sail in them. It's still a journey obvs, but it does get better. And I know it's hard when you lose friends, and it's difficult to make them as you get older, but it's not impossible if you stay open to growing and meeting new people.

When I was younger, I was prone to worrying about what other people thought of me, but in some respects, it seems to have lessened as I've aged. Having said that, it does seem to depend upon the circumstances.

Like you, I am not too bothered by what other people think about my interests. Maybe it's an advantage of being middle-aged, but I tend not to worry about what other people think of my appearance. Having said that, it does give me a boost if someone tells me that an outfit I'm wearing (or maybe the colour of it) really suits me.

Do I worry about what other people think about my personality? Well, it depends on who they are, and what role they play in my life. For example, if I'm having a bad day and come across as abrupt with someone I don't know very well, then it's not the sort of thing that will cause me to lose sleep. However, it matters if the person is someone I know and like, or would like to get to know better.

I'm off now, but good luck. It really does get easier as you get older. You will reach a point where you know yourself and, hopefully, care much less what people think.

I don't know the details, but I have (mostly unintentionally, I think) pushed many people away. I'm not sure why but I do know that it was probably my fault. I would say, probably contrary to most opinion, DO give yourself a bit of a hard time for it (but only a bit - be nice to yourself as well). For me, thinking about what I may have done to push people away let me adapt so that I now don't do it as often. However, if you wish to remain true to yourself please ignore everything that I say.

It's hard when people don't understand, and I'm not good at explaining things.

I had friends (also autistic) but I ended up pushing them away and I still give myself a hard time for that.

OK, maybe 'many' is the wrong word. However, let's be honest, autism is a disability - you can phrase it how you like and try to put a positive spin on it (and there are definitely some positives ) but you will face communication challenges that neurotypical people don't face. You will have control over some of your actions but not over others and it will be more difficult than it should. It may be tough but it's important to keep trying to find people who understand you.

I hope so. Unfortunately the reality is because of my own actions, the number of people who dislike me largely outweighs those who don't. 

It's difficult when everything you've told yourself internally is the actual reality. 

I remember a time at a job where I got the giggles the whole time. To be fair what I was doing at the time was not a serious thing and not once did anyone say "don't laugh". I think it was nerves anyhow.

I still came away going "oh god they must think I'm so annoying".

I think I'm still trying to find out what is actually the real me.

There will be many people who will love you, regardless

It is tricky. I'm trying to think back to how I was many years ago. Back then I cared a lot more about what people thought. It is hard to show who you really are and, to be honest, some people won't be able to understand. But that is more their problem than yours. Realistically, you may need to adapt a little but please don't hide who you are.

I think I've relied on validation and reassurance all too much and it does begin to take over. I haven't found the balance.

I'm able to let little parts of myself come out but then I quickly feel embarrassed afterwards even though no one has an issue.

Hi HMO25,

I'm new to this forum but at age 48 have met a lot of people. I think the important thing to remember is that they are all individuals. Some are nice and, unfortunately, some are not. It is natural to care about what people think about your appearance and personality and - if you wish to - it can be useful to consider other people's opinions. It has helped me to fit in but can be exhausting. However, it is also important to remain yourself and to try to find people who accept you as you are, quirky or otherwise. They will exist

Yes I think being autistic has stopped me from becoming something of a brick in the wall myself. With that said though I think through sheer work and a bit of luck I have finally found my footing now as my thirties feel a lot smoother. It's hard to "don't let the b*st*rds grind you down" but I am finding ways to move forward without compromising myself more as I go.

I think the turning point for me was when I became a teenager. I became suddenly more conscious of everything.

I feel like I shouldn't care if someone dislikes me but the more I force myself to try and force myself to, it (unsurprisingly) doesn't help.

Its really interesting reading the responses on here. When I was in my 20s I actively couldnt care less what people thought, I mean completely not caring at all. Now I am at the opposite extreme and I intensely care what everyone thinks and it causes me a lot of anxiety.

I wish I could find some sort of middle ground, Im working on it but havnt really found it yet

It's made worse by the fact it can often feel like bad form to straight up ask.

Ann :) said:

And it is so stressful because I am so bad at reading people

I have the same problem, I care so much what people think but I cant read them so never know what they think. Its a wierd dichotomy