Not caring about what other people think

Hi HMO25,

I'm new to this forum but at age 48 have met a lot of people. I think the important thing to remember is that they are all individuals. Some are nice and, unfortunately, some are not. It is natural to care about what people think about your appearance and personality and - if you wish to - it can be useful to consider other people's opinions. It has helped me to fit in but can be exhausting. However, it is also important to remain yourself and to try to find people who accept you as you are, quirky or otherwise. They will exist

I think I've relied on validation and reassurance all too much and it does begin to take over. I haven't found the balance.

I'm able to let little parts of myself come out but then I quickly feel embarrassed afterwards even though no one has an issue.

It is tricky. I'm trying to think back to how I was many years ago. Back then I cared a lot more about what people thought. It is hard to show who you really are and, to be honest, some people won't be able to understand. But that is more their problem than yours. Realistically, you may need to adapt a little but please don't hide who you are.

I've tended to go too far the other way. Punish myself even more etc.

I've been reflecting a lot over the last few months too. Knowing how painful it has been I wouldn't want it to happen again. 

I'm off now, but good luck. It really does get easier as you get older. You will reach a point where you know yourself and, hopefully, care much less what people think.

I don't know the details, but I have (mostly unintentionally, I think) pushed many people away. I'm not sure why but I do know that it was probably my fault. I would say, probably contrary to most opinion, DO give yourself a bit of a hard time for it (but only a bit - be nice to yourself as well). For me, thinking about what I may have done to push people away let me adapt so that I now don't do it as often. However, if you wish to remain true to yourself please ignore everything that I say.

It's hard when people don't understand, and I'm not good at explaining things.

I had friends (also autistic) but I ended up pushing them away and I still give myself a hard time for that.

OK, maybe 'many' is the wrong word. However, let's be honest, autism is a disability - you can phrase it how you like and try to put a positive spin on it (and there are definitely some positives ) but you will face communication challenges that neurotypical people don't face. You will have control over some of your actions but not over others and it will be more difficult than it should. It may be tough but it's important to keep trying to find people who understand you.

OK, maybe 'many' is the wrong word. However, let's be honest, autism is a disability - you can phrase it how you like and try to put a positive spin on it (and there are definitely some positives ) but you will face communication challenges that neurotypical people don't face. You will have control over some of your actions but not over others and it will be more difficult than it should. It may be tough but it's important to keep trying to find people who understand you.

I've tended to go too far the other way. Punish myself even more etc.

I've been reflecting a lot over the last few months too. Knowing how painful it has been I wouldn't want it to happen again. 

I'm off now, but good luck. It really does get easier as you get older. You will reach a point where you know yourself and, hopefully, care much less what people think.

I don't know the details, but I have (mostly unintentionally, I think) pushed many people away. I'm not sure why but I do know that it was probably my fault. I would say, probably contrary to most opinion, DO give yourself a bit of a hard time for it (but only a bit - be nice to yourself as well). For me, thinking about what I may have done to push people away let me adapt so that I now don't do it as often. However, if you wish to remain true to yourself please ignore everything that I say.

It's hard when people don't understand, and I'm not good at explaining things.

I had friends (also autistic) but I ended up pushing them away and I still give myself a hard time for that.