Is it just me or can anyone just not stop grieving

i feel like id only feel that level of grief if it was my mum that passed.

my grandparents, most of them i was too young to remember. but one of them had alzheimers and dementia so her last few years of living felt like a living death and torture for her that it felt more positive that her suffering ended. in that case we all felt more sorry and sad for her state of living like that. 

i suppose with my grandparents i still think of them but not in a sad way, more in a way of wondering if they would approve of my life and actions. you have to try live in a way to make lost loved ones proud of you.

For me the unhappiness I experience at the time of loss is so horrible that I simply don't want it to be my dominant memory.

I decided therefore when The Bestest Cat in The World passed on, that I would create in my mind a "ghost cat" in my imagination, who "turns up" from time to time in my life. And he does. Right now I can imagine (not see) him on the floor looking u at me as he used to and I reach down and stroke his insubstantial ears, and it's almost like I can feel them, my hands remember the movements that he particularly likes, and I keep him alive in my memory most importantly remembering the really nice bits... 

I do the same for Maqi too, but he doesn't "appear" to me as often as BJ. 

Oddly enough my real, solid, in this world cat who does like to sit on or near me an awful lot simply will NOT go to the place in the crook of my arm that BJ made his own. He prefers to snuggle up in a completely different place, even two years into living with us...

But really, it's all just me asking my subconcious to keep the good memories refreshed and alive and stronger than the feelings of loss.

I had ten brilliant years years of BJ and six of Mackie (BJ was about 5 when we got him according to CP and they didn't actually know, Maqi should have gone on way longer, but he came with a heart murmur and got a thrombosis at six... BUT most of what I really remember about Maqi is how he really disliked me when he first came here (but loved my partner, and she loved him, She was for love, and I was for violence initially) but gradually warned to me,  but oh so carefully kept me in my "place" MOST of the time, with increasing bursts of affection and less actual violence as he got older...  I knew I was getting on the right side of him when he stopped drawing blood...

I do accept their passing, but will NOT focus on the sadness and loss of that passing, and the ghost cats my subconcious gives me from time to time, are a very good way of remembering the good times. 

My cat passed away around 30 years ago, I still miss her, she had bad breath, poor teeth and scratched everyone, but I loved her.

I think Tris is right- lots of people grieve very intensely or for a very long time, it's just not talked about very much. I don't know whether it's social pressure or if people feel that it's private- maybe a bit of both.

I lost my grandma about six months ago and it hit me very hard. I realised that I'd never really grieved properly for my grandad who died at the beginning of the pandemic, because I couldn't go home and there wasn't a proper funeral, so it was like I was grieving for them both at the same time. I still am, but it's a little bit easier now.

Bereavement is really hard. It's okay to hug your photo of your dog- it's good that you have something to remind you of him, even if it makes you sad sometimes.

I think a lot of people hide it because they feel like we're all supposed to get over it, but I've known a bunch of people who felt their grief intensely forever. 

I've never lost anyone particularly close to me, so I don't know how I'll personally react. When my grandparents died I saw it as a mercy after what they'd been through. I might be naturally cold hearted about death though. 

There's nothing embarrassing about doing whatever brings you comfort when you need it. My dog is relatively old and I'm sure I'll miss him like hell when he goes. 

I'm sorry for your losses. I don't think you necessarily have to stop grieving, nor do I think it's ever something you have to get over. I'm sure people still get upset when they think of people close to them who passed 20, 30 years ago.

I lost all of my friends earlier this year. They didn't die but I screwed up and threw away all the support I had. I think that counts as grief because it is a loss, and 4 months on I still don't feel ready to even consider just getting over it and 'moving on', regardless of the well-meaning advice that I've had. 

It's best to do it at your own pace, anyhow.