Fixation on details and looking into things really deep.

I will say, I committed to allowing my son to try things when he was young. He tried all kinds of sport and hobbies. It can take a good deal of time for children to find things they resonate with and this is part of being young. Now he's determined on his own to stick out what he's inclined toward.

There was one time he was 15 and we set out to help him with his fear of speaking in public. We had discussed this for years and he continually expressed difficulty. So that summer, I invested in a really good improv class but he had to commit to it. He nearly didn't go to the second meeting, but later said he needed to sleep on the first class and get through the terrifying experience of the second which then had just a hint more familiarity, to be open to going to the 3rd, which helped him go to all 8.

Maybe approach interests like classic TV: 2 seasons at most. A mini-series. A one day workshop. Not newscasting but an episodic. 

I agree with commitment. To a point. I struggled with this for years and often found myself in vulnerable situations because commitment was more important than anything else. Now, I don't take commitment lightly after critically investigating what commitment actually meant. Now, I rarely make promises I can't keep. What I have changed is how long I will commit to a thing: 3 months, until the first badge, 3 out of 4 weekly meetings per month (which means I sometimes make all). Investment matters. 

I also began to perceive commitment as a social contract which other parties are involved in. So if one party breaks that contract, it's no longer valid. This matters in severe occasions. Most supportive contracts which benefit everyone are flexible. 

The problem from my point of view wasn't actually commitment, but familiarity and this is where Hume was right - Reason being subject to Passions (not emotions but things we're driven by). In fact, I stayed in an abusive marriage because I thought that's what "commitment" was. I stuck through conversations with an abusive parent who constantly berated and dismissed me because "commitment". Then I learned a few valuable lessons. These toxic situations did not feed my soul. I had been "committing" to helping others into cruelties at my expense and I was becoming good for no-one. 

There are some great teachings in the Christian Old Testament about making rash commitments or ones we really don't understand the depths of impact from when we make them. The story of Jepthah, the story of Abraham's commitment to G-d and his nomadic life and heartbreaking journeys, the story of Hannah who committed her son Samuel to the temple and then only got to see him once a year. 

We must make room to trial and error a thing. Or how will we know? This is a commitment in itself. Commit to the structure of intention, of learning about the strength and limits of the self and afford a simple investment: one month, 2 maybe. Then take a break to regroup. 

At nearly 50, I would now suggest to commit to principles, rules of engagement, commit to practicing standards of being such as respectfulness even when someone doesn't deserve it, because being respectful is about me. Choosing to do a thing which shows I'm happy to earn trust is about becoming trust-worthy. 

I never make promises. I've learned to think about a yes or no and then follow through. For children and teenagers, small things matter. Can I trust you to put away the dishes at some point before 9pm? How can I help you remember this task today.

In a team sport, I can commit to being reliable. Maybe emotionally supportive if I'm less physically able. However, if I slowly discover I'm on a team of heartless individuals and haven't learned to also commit to my own healthy boundaries, I will find my sense of self picked away at like breadcrumbs for pigeons. This does little good for anyone. First commit to my becoming, then practice following through on small matters: For instance, choosing to not say everything that comes into my head, every day for a week - this can build a discipline and intention with others. Practice one thing at a time. Afford room to trial and error. Over time, as we grow, we will become reliable and THAT is the nature of what commitment brings. :) 

It may be worth agreeing a way that you can demonstrate that something is a decision you have made and you do not want to argue it - a veto card of some kind.

You will need to agree when to have these and part of this may involve pointing out how uncomfortable these discussions can be to you - he may not realise and you may be able to sell it to him that you understand his autism is driving this but he probaby doesn't want to hurt you and this is your way of politely pointing it out.

If you have to use your dyslexia as the reason for wanting to do this then use it - he may need a solid reason for the idea and this works. You may need to say something like "it hurts me sometimes when I feel pressured into the justifications because my dyslexia makes it really painful to explain things".

If you have a subject you really don't want to get into because of the endless questions then it would be a case of dig out the card from your purse/wallet and present it and say something like "I veto this discussion as per our agreement".

Another alternative is to get a stop watch and say "we have 10 mins to talk about this then the subject is closed". Focus on the discussion and when it is over then stop talking about it. The rules of engagement here may make him focus on what is most important but you need to be ready to respond quickly if you are able. The timed aspect in general needs to be agreed in advance obviously - he won't like the change in style without agreeing to it.

Through all of this you need to make it clear that his constant questioning hurts you when he takes it to these extremes. Without the understanding of the impact he will continue to thing only of his own frustrations around the changes and not of yours.

Autistic people are renowned for our tendency towards all or nothing thinking.

There is some element of truth but I think it is also partly down to the double empathy problem. You don't say if your daughter is also autistic or not. Assuming not your partner may find it hard to understand her way of thinking.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/double-empathy

One way to approach it is to make it clear that your daughter is a human being in her own right, with her own preferences. It is important for her to forge her own path. He may not understand the reasons for her decision but ultimately it is her decision. Perhaps try and ask how he would have felt if at 10 years of age he had been forced to continue with an activity he was not interested in.

Some people are just argumentative and relish the verbal sparring.

Some people are "all-or-nothing" commitment-philes.

I'm, not sure that it necessarily matters whether you are, or are not autistic, neurotypical or a badger!

I believe that, sometimes, arguing can become a habit, rather than a philosophical need.  Perhaps keep watch for a while and see if it has become a habit for your partner.  If so, you can probably point it out to them in the hope that you will calm it down.

Personally, I am a lot like your partner.......but I can be reasoned with by people who know how to handle me.

Good luck (I left Cubs when I was 9 btw)

Thank you for sharing. It helps to know we not on our own. I believe in balance. X

I echo that.
I know exactly where Jules is coming from.
Those with Asd do not like change,so the constant analysis for the ASD Person is a 
way of staying in control so there are no surprises etc.
A person without ASD who shows these traits might be a cause for concern,
but being diagnosed with ASD myself i can safely suggest that you are your Partners
 " comfort blanket " They need to know you are close.
Granted, that does not help you,but finding the  " Medium " between you both may be the key.
Best wishes.

Analysis is part and parcel of being autistic. My world is CONSTANT analysis of everything around me. I understand the world in detail and need "whys". I have difficulty with inconsistencies. I stick by my word and find it very difficult when others don't.  I have been known to bring unimportant things up from years ago because my other half now has a different opinion. He can't even remember what he initially said. I've worked on this and am more accepting that people are allowed change their minds (as i do). I find change of trajectory different in MANY aspects of my life. You both maybe need to work on meeting in the middle in a kind way. Sorry this doesn't provide answers but I wanted to share my experience.