Published on 12, July, 2020
Following a recent discussion I note that some people say they have learnt how to do eye contact. My question is how do you do it?
I have been asked if I am listening as the only way I can consciously try is by looking to the side of someone or looking at a nose or tie. If I look towards someone's eyes I feel like I am staring so then look away.
People can literally be so mean i struggle espech with sleep and have dark under my eyes and for ages people at school said I was draculas daughter
Lot of the time I don't think people even realise how much words can hurt u
Image having genetic dark circles under your eyes and being called a drug addictat school from the age of 11-13.That's me.Last week some some Guy walked past me and laughed with His Friend and Said...That Druggy is going to the chemist to get His Methadone.I have NEVER used drugs.Well anyway, i banged Him out.Now He looks like me.
I find eye contact complex TBH. I don't see point in it but every one "expects" u to do it I don't see why personally but I guess that's just me
I try to look at peoples mouths rather than eyes its still uncomfortable but better than staring in to eyes
Sorry.If you gotta go, you gotta go.
If I'm trying, I look at the space next to their head and occasionally force myself to make eye contact. It does make me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable, but I also get that thing of being worried that I'm staring. If I really tried, I could absolutely keep eye contact the whole time but I'm sure I'd seem like a psycho. There's some correct balance that comes naturally to NTs but not at all to me.
If I'm not trying (say if I was in a room with one of you IRL, or someone else I know wouldn't mind), I just look at the floor or wall.
I never make eye contact, it's almost impossible for me to do this. I try to focus on people's chins, that for me is a little easier.
Sounds like a very common trait on the Autism Scale.You are perfectly normal in " our " world
I struggle with eye contact. I used to look at people's mouths but now just quickly glance at eyes every now and then but avoid focusing on them as it causes me anxiety.
battybats said: I look at people's eyebrows and that seems to be close enough for them not to notice the difference.
That's a good idea!
I just wear dark glasses now so they can’t see where my eyes are. If I spend too much time staring at people I would lose focus on the conversation.
I seem to be in the minority here, as I generally don't have too much of a problem with eye contact. I don't experience the distress that other members here often experience.
The only occasions when eye contact is an issue for me is if I am feeling acutely embarrassed about something, or if my mother is angry and shouting at me. In those scenarios, I will actively avoid making direct eye contact because it causes me to feel acutely uncomfortable.
Ditto.
I don't actually make eye contact very often- I look at people's eyebrows and that seems to be close enough for them not to notice the difference. I don't find eye contact uncomfortable as such, I just can't concentrate on what someone is saying if I do it, though I'm not sure if that's an inherent issue with eye contact for me or just because all my mental energy goes on monitoring my behaviour while I'm doing it.
Anyway, just looking in roughly the right direction seems to be acceptable most of the time so I don't worry too much about making 'proper' eye contact, I think people just want some kind of indication that we're listening.
The real difficulty I found with eye contact, is the timing. Too much, too little, or badly timed eye contact all make neurotypical people uncomfortable. Over the years I have found what most people are comfortable with. I would add that looking someone in the eyes while listening to them is not necessary to indicate that you are listening, providing you nod and or make 'noises of agreement' at appropriate moments.
Same for me
My face is so blank i make the statue of liberty look like a break-dancer.
Thank you to everyone for your helpful comments. It is good to know how others manage this.
At least these days knowing about autism gives an understanding of why it is difficult and hopefully as society learns more, NTs will understand more that it doesn't mean we aren't interested.
I was interested in the comment about reading people's faces as mine is fairly blank most of the time, as is my autistic son's.
Mutual rapport between you both.No words needed.
It’s why I get on with my dog so well, I normally know what he wants and he never talks.
It's hard work sometimes isn't it ?Am just the same.