Published on 12, July, 2020
Following a recent discussion I note that some people say they have learnt how to do eye contact. My question is how do you do it?
I have been asked if I am listening as the only way I can consciously try is by looking to the side of someone or looking at a nose or tie. If I look towards someone's eyes I feel like I am staring so then look away.
I’ve had a problem with eye contact since I was a child, I can remember my father telling me off, “people who don’t make eye contact are not trustworthy.” How wrong that was. The usual was teachers, “ look at me when I’m talking to you!” Makes me actually chuckle now, it’s just ignorance.
Yes, it does seem frequently to be a measure of trustworthiness in the court of social opinion..
That was quite verbose... sorry!
But yeah. I've found people assume I'm untrustworthy- at least - if I don't make sufficient eye contact...
Seems bonkers to me, but hey, what do I know... not being part of the human social club is a constant mystery..
Mutual rapport between you both.No words needed.
It’s why I get on with my dog so well, I normally know what he wants and he never talks.
Showery today, with scattered sunny spells...
Seriously though - yes, walking away gets me into trouble as well. It's generally that I've seen something interesting... I'm afraid polite conversation is far less compelling..
7 % Non verbal ?In that case us ASD'S must be a real head-scratcher for those trying to suss us out !
Me to Roy.Unless it is important it goes in one ear and out the other.
You are right, I handed my social cub membership back, just don’t need it anymore. One thing I do get berated for is walking away from people while they are talking to me, I often say, “I am listening, “ they just don’t realise my brain is also doing more interesting things. I find the low point of any conversation is when someone wants to discuss the weather, I start wanting to stick my fingers in my eyes! I suppose putting my fingers in my ears would be a better option.
I get you, it makes sense because humans do communicate with eye contact, unspoken communication.
I remember being surprised to learn - at some work-related training event or other - that only a small part of communication between people comes from the actual words spoken...
It's allegedly only 7%, all the rest is non-verbal..
For NT's... I don't know, but maybe not the same for ND people, who can be quite literal.
Interesting.
This might sound weird but i avoid eye contact because i feel other Peoplecan look into my Eyes and read my thoughts, bearing in mind the Eyes are the window to the soul.Crazy yes, but the feelings are real.