Hi all,
First post. Please do be gentle if possible.
I’ve struggled for the longest time. Was diagnosed aged 22, only last week in fact.
I’m struggling because I know I won’t have what everyone else has. I won’t have a plethora of friends, or as good prospects in terms of work and relationships. Without going too in-depth, my familial relationships are non-existent; support just isn’t a thing currently. I’m trying to access private therapy but I’ve had an abysmal experience with that thus far.
I appreciate Instagram of all things isn’t indicative of reality, but I get a weird feeling in my throat and stomach because frankly, I have no one to interact with. What’s the point in even having an account?
I won’t understand societal norms, especially pertaining to womanhood. I’ve never particularly been invested in make-up, or hair care, or boys; I say this not in a, “I’m not like other girls,” way, but because it’s innately true. I couldn’t connect and so thus, this created a disconnect between myself and them. And not in a good way.
I’m returning to education soon and frankly, I’m terrified. As much as I’d like to progress, I don’t think I can do this. I feel perpetually burnt out both being stationary, and participating in things; there’s no middle ground it seems. It doesn’t help now that no one takes it seriously. “Everyone’s a little autistic now.”
I’m just frustrated, and people in my family don’t get it. They won’t, and so I thought it might be worth confiding in a space that might. I’m tired and angry with myself, though I know this does absolutely nothing.
Apologies for sounding controversial here, but I’m angry for having this diagnosis; these struggles that simply aren’t within my control. I can learn to interact with others in a way that might be socially acceptable, but even then it’s at the expense of my own health. I know things could be worse.
I just needed to yell into the void. Thanks.