Struggling to grapple with my late diagnosis.

Hi all,

First post. Please do be gentle if possible. 

I’ve struggled for the longest time. Was diagnosed aged 22, only last week in fact. 

I’m struggling because I know I won’t have what everyone else has. I won’t have a plethora of friends, or as good prospects in terms of work and relationships. Without going too in-depth, my familial relationships are non-existent; support just isn’t a thing currently. I’m trying to access private therapy but I’ve had an abysmal experience with that thus far.

I appreciate Instagram of all things isn’t indicative of reality, but I get a weird feeling in my throat and stomach because frankly, I have no one to interact with. What’s the point in even having an account?

I won’t understand societal norms, especially pertaining to womanhood. I’ve never particularly been invested in make-up, or hair care, or boys; I say this not in a, “I’m not like other girls,” way, but because it’s innately true. I couldn’t connect and so thus, this created a disconnect between myself and them. And not in a good way. 

I’m returning to education soon and frankly, I’m terrified. As much as I’d like to progress, I don’t think I can do this. I feel perpetually burnt out both being stationary, and participating in things; there’s no middle ground it seems. It doesn’t help now that no one takes it seriously. “Everyone’s a little autistic now.”

I’m just frustrated, and people in my family don’t get it. They won’t, and so I thought it might be worth confiding in a space that might. I’m tired and angry with myself, though I know this does absolutely nothing. 

Apologies for sounding controversial here, but I’m angry for having this diagnosis; these struggles that simply aren’t within my control. I can learn to interact with others in a way that might be socially acceptable, but even then it’s at the expense of my own health. I know things could be worse. 

I just needed to yell into the void. Thanks.