Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
First post. Please do be gentle if possible.
I’ve struggled for the longest time. Was diagnosed aged 22, only last week in fact.
I’m struggling because I know I won’t have what everyone else has. I won’t have a plethora of friends, or as good prospects in terms of work and relationships. Without going too in-depth, my familial relationships are non-existent; support just isn’t a thing currently. I’m trying to access private therapy but I’ve had an abysmal experience with that thus far.
I appreciate Instagram of all things isn’t indicative of reality, but I get a weird feeling in my throat and stomach because frankly, I have no one to interact with. What’s the point in even having an account?
I won’t understand societal norms, especially pertaining to womanhood. I’ve never particularly been invested in make-up, or hair care, or boys; I say this not in a, “I’m not like other girls,” way, but because it’s innately true. I couldn’t connect and so thus, this created a disconnect between myself and them. And not in a good way.
I’m returning to education soon and frankly, I’m terrified. As much as I’d like to progress, I don’t think I can do this. I feel perpetually burnt out both being stationary, and participating in things; there’s no middle ground it seems. It doesn’t help now that no one takes it seriously. “Everyone’s a little autistic now.”
I’m just frustrated, and people in my family don’t get it. They won’t, and so I thought it might be worth confiding in a space that might. I’m tired and angry with myself, though I know this does absolutely nothing.
Apologies for sounding controversial here, but I’m angry for having this diagnosis; these struggles that simply aren’t within my control. I can learn to interact with others in a way that might be socially acceptable, but even then it’s at the expense of my own health. I know things could be worse.
I just needed to yell into the void. Thanks.
I definitely think that your environment is something that you could control, but you do have to take control and learn of measures of personal-control, I can appreciate that the conversation may run-dry with the neurotypical-world though.
I would say that you should consider PIP, EHCP, Travel Pass/s, Blue badge, any Support funds. These things require some research and the correct words and ordering, but they are all very-much awards to be taken, it feels good to secure and withhold consideration for your inequality.
If you are going back in to education then secure support grants, ECHP, and take the resources you need to succeed. Ask the GP/s for referral to mental healths services and use each one to cycle through anxiety, depression, assertiveness, autism. You may not get the result you want each time, but you will be more competent with each insight.
Once you are in education, go and find the student union or student engagement team, and wring your consideration pout of there budget. Learn Assistant, support worker, equipment, book budget. Take your control. Ignore the ignorant. Cement your practice and procedure and turn it towards your art..:)